:-P

You eat, You sleep
You walk, You breathe
I doze, I stroll
I sigh, but I dun hog!
You smile, You talk
You laugh, You chat
I cheer, I gush
and get flustered when I blush!
and yet I say
that "WE" do it all
You as "YOU" and I as "I"
the "YOU"s and "I"s never coincide
but somehow, it still helps
for a "WE" to rise!


p.s.: a horrible attempt! :-P thats wat accounts does to me!

snippet

"speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."

"if you trully believe that you will write the tale of your life, then the end is upto you."

.. :( ..

Damn Damn Damn
i miss you..
i miss our barista moments..
i miss our walking-in-the-streets moments..
i miss your ruing-over-my-long-hair-gone-short moments..
oh Damn!!!!!
i so damn miss you..
:(

p.s.: my hair has in fact grown back! *:wink!*

cold-blooded.. :-P

criss-crossing paths
with a hint of 'desperation' *chuckle*
n the reason for which may even be a certain amount of the J-factor :-P

aa aah aaaaahhhhh.. ;) *the grinch smile!*

"you amaze me" :))

this is something which was written almost a year back..for a dearest n closest person in my life, [:)] who still continues to be so.. *love :)* just thought of putting in the 'limelight'.. a much deserved one that too.. *chuckle*

you amaze me, and you ask me the reason.
and i'm amazed that i'm actually thinking of the reasons to tell you! how is that for starters, huh? :-*


you amaze me--for the way i took to you. you were a stranger, unknown and unfamiliar, yet there was something. something which never let me feel distant and awkward with you. something which always delighted me!


you amazed me (then), when you searched me out in orkut--a year back! and you amaze me now, when i think of the way we (or rather i) spoke. it was fun. it was funny. it was funnily wierd. but it was nice.


you amazed me--when you vanished and then surfaced again--only to ask explanations from me! "gayab kaun hua tha, main ya tu?" lol      :-D


you amazed me with your new-found love for "onion"! :-P will never be able to forget that! ever!


you amaze me--when your calls and messages coincide with the times when i miss you!


you amaze me--when, inspite of being annoyed and irritated with you, i still look for you.


you amaze me--fo the way i give "bhao" to you! :-P


you amaze me with your non-chalant ways, and when i get accustomed to that, you amaze me with your all-so-concerned attitude!


you amazed me when you shared some of your closest thoughts with me and never expected anything back.


you amaze me--with your blunt statements, which you say in a-matter-of-fact tone!


you amaze me when you're stern with me! all very authoritarian types. lol.


you amaze me--when you answer me back,even when i call you names! and you definitely amazed me, when you said that you love it, when i call you "Meano"! :-P :-D


you amaze me--for the way you tolerate me. the way you bear with my madness and my absolute illogical reasonings.


you amazed me--when you feigned jealousness whenever the talks used to veer over to your friend and me!


and you amazed me with your possessiveness, which were even blunt at times.


and of course, you amaze me--when i agreed to become your all-time alarm clock! damn!


you amaze me--how i miss you, when i dun hear from you! and you amaze me--how you can stay patient with me!


you amaze me, when you share your thoughts with me!


you amazed me--when i actually heeded your "advice" (abt the photo comments) lol


you amaze me--at my inability to give you reasons, when you ask for it.


and now i'm amazed, that i wrote so much thinking why you amaze me! duh-uh!


you amaze me--for i never thought that one careless statement, would lead to such soul searching....


yes! you do amaze me!!! (chhotu bachha/bunty/meano!) :-D


mvah!

harassed!

of-late, i've seen, many of my known people echoing coinciding feelings and views.. of that "being harassed by the three dots of eternity"..n this actually brings me down to the point of analysing those factors that im harassed by.. n NO, they are not the three dots of eternity.. though, by now, with so many people using this terminology im outrightly intrigued to look up in the dictionary for what it really means.. anyway, coming back to the point.. (gosh! im so ood at digressing away from the point of discussion :-P)

well, so, the initial discussion was about wat is causing me to be harassed..n this has to do with invitations..
yesh yesh.. you heard it absolutely right.. INVITATIONS!!!! from certain specific people n from some not-so-specific people.. but still, the nature of the invitation remains the same..

n im harassed, not because that the very source of these invitations are un-welcoming, but only because of my sheer inability of realising these invitations.. :'( though, of these three invitations, there is one, which i'd so like n love to make it come true.. (*wishing earnestly..against the grain*) but then again, this is just a distant dream.. *sigh!*

n just to elucidate a bit more on those invitations, one hasby now acquired the status of being "perennial" n comes from the very own "ROCKIN' CITY" :-D
the next up in queue is from my nearest "neighbour".. n the latest one being from my "pseudo-near neighbour"..

p.s. : the "ROCKIN' CITY" one is definitely the most exciting.. :-D n thus the reason for the max grief.. :-/

'words' n its 'worth' :P

just wondering..
words n for all that they're worth..which eventually brings me tot hat certain person named 'wordsworth'.. with all due respect (may his souls continue resting in peace) n no offense at all, watsoever..

but i still cant help but wonder, did he eventually take to the words n thus justify his 'name', that might have been bestowed upon to him in very loving manner by none other than his great family members..
or such was his intensity n passion towards the words, per se, that his surrounding inhabitants were forced to come upon such a nomenclature for describing him which they put forward across him as their way honouring him :P n such was his dedication towards them, that i order to fully perform justice at the name thus bestowed, that he took to the words with anewed zest n vigour..
n the end of which, we're the ones to suffer.. :P

and i only have the sweet memories
etched forever in my mind
of the beautiful time that we'd had..

and everytime i go back, i see us sitting there
in that laid back poise, n arms entwined..
i close my eyes and search for you
only to open them, n find you--just there
with your arms entwined in mine,
and sitting in that laid back poise..
and a wry smile which says that you always knew
all these....all this time along..

Firsts..

You were the First one to say "Hi" when we met the First time
You were the First to initiate the conversation
You were the First to continue the conversation
You were the First to make the conversation Last..
You were the Last one I wished "A Happy Valentine"
You were the First one to wish me on Holi n also the one to do the same on "Dhuleti"
You were the First one with whom I indulged in a play of "colours" over conversation
You were the First one whom I told about me wearing a sari to college
You were the First one to agree with me that I look different in a sari
You were the Last one to tell me that I looked great on that day in the sari
You were the only one to tell me that I dint look cute, but great, in the sari
You were the First one to message me on my new number
You were the First one to follow my buzzes religiously
You were the First one with whom it became mandatory to wish "gnite" every night..
You were the First one to call
You were always the First one to wish for my 2nd sem exams
n You were always the First one to know about the outcomes of it
You were the First one to wish me "Shubho Nabo Barsho" n translate it too
You were the First one to know about my First "home" trip plans
You always made me the First one to know about You
I was always the First one to face your "being-sad" moments
You were the First to make up after fighs and put my mood alright
You were the First one I sent stuff, purely because I wanted to
I was the First one to wish You on your birthday n continued wishing throughout the day
I was the Last one to message You on your Last day at home before you left for H*****
I was the First one to know that You reached H*****
I was the First one You cribbed to from H*****..
You were the First person to off my mood on the Last day of my year
n You were the Last person I chatted with on the Last day of my year
Yours was the First message I saw after I got up on my birthday
You were the First person I chatted with on my birthday
You were the First person to wish me 22 times on my birthday
n You were the Last person I spoke to on my birthday..
You are the Last person I speak to every night.
I was the First one to know about your transfer to J*******
You were the reason for my First trip to home on the Last week of July
You were the First one to get a peek into my soul through my words
You are always the First one to know about my going home plans
I was the First one to convince You to come to "home" during september "hols"
You were the First one to make plans for meeting
You were the First one to make sure that it turns out that way
You were the First one I wished "Shubho Mahalaya" in bong n gave You its translation too..
I was the First one to know all about your travel itenary
You were the First one with whom I continued chatting even on roaming
I was the First to know about your G** plans
n I was the First reason for your M***** halt..
You are the First one I gave my books to
n You are the First one whose books I own..

n as the year ends,
I still wait for You to be the First one to message me everyday
n I still want to be the Last one to tel You "Gnite..Sweetdreams..Your dreams" every night..

n a silent prayer, till it reaches OUR FIRST!

I made the mark on January 27th

Between me and you, you can call it birth

The beginning of our universe

Remind me of Alicia keys verse

Im falling for you

I wish I had an opportunity to not do

What I did to hurt you

And now I’m here living with regrets

I know that it was my fault

I know that I got caught

So please don’t lose your thoughts

Of me loving you and you loving me

I’m on the highway swerving

I ain’t drunk but I’m about to hit the curb’n

Looking at the calendar getting nervous

Just a few more days to the first soul

Get the calendar, go to March 10th

1st words stay, we heard our first words

First argument gotta let it go

‘cause it could possibly affect what our future holds

Flipping pages now famous

Thinking back I ain’t seen you in ages

Wishing that I coulda make it little painless

Brings me back right back to the same as

January, February, march april, may

June, july, august, september is just another day

October, November, December trying to find a way

In January to mark my calendar to meet again

If only we can go to that place where me and you know

There’s no faith fronting cheating even lying

The time has come where we stand face to face

This is the day it all began

One place that it came together

More than a ring or a tattoo

Wish your birthmark that reminds of you

So lets get on an airplane

Go back to where we began

To that point which is days apart

That stamp right next to your heart.

"STRANGE"--n "STRANGE"ly absent

would you really term it "strange"??? well, i think you might.. but somehow, "strange"ly though, i'm not finding it "strange" enough.. yeah.. "strangely"....

n if i start recounting the various incidents, im sure, you'll be alarmed due to the degree of "strange"ness, or its due lack-off to my conscience.. but still, im not finding it "strange" at all..

conversation..random..but still enjoyable..*brownie points*..n a minute too much delay is enuf to ring fidgety-bells for me.. i start fidgeting.. going back to the last piece of message a thousand times over.. almost to the extent of memorising the total no. of characters used..refresh the page..check for the network..and curse for the lack off it..again back to the last msg..this time, just fondly looking..not 'opening' it..now thinking wats taking You so long?did i offend You in some way?? *oh shit! damn!* go back to "sent messages" n scout through every single message.. even the ones sent previous day..scrutinise..microscopic analysis..anxiety levels peaking..an then----"beep beep beep beep beeep!"---it rings! and a great sigh of relief on seeing its in continuation and the chain dint break.. *sigh*.. and all the above mentioned restlessness was just an account of 5 minutes..yeah, it was just probably "5 minutes" to all the normal sane people, but it kinda seemed to be quite an never-ending piece of eternity stretching over the zillioneth landscape of infinity..
n such used to be me.. not too long ago, that too..
but not now..not any more. "strange"???? i know, you're screaming your lungs out --"YES" but i dont find it to be..

n somehow, after that incident, i just dont feel anything.. does it mean that im over You? or does it imply that You've gone back to being just another entity in this vast universe..with just a non-specific face? if its the later, then i'll have to sadly submit myself to the 'unfirtunate' status of this happening.. but if its the former, then i dunno what to say or to feel..

but then again, all this dint come for free.. it had a very steep price attached to it..n still a part of 'payment' left to be satisfied..(something, that you've warned me of, stating drastic steps that you'll be taking if i do that..but im really sorry, somehow, i dont really see a way out of it..)

im just numb.. with all that has happened, it has left me with no further scope to feel anything..maybe, when it was all "good", it was probably so much of being good that it might have crossed all the permissible limits and thus caused al the "moral polices" to sit back and restrict those..n so, now that its not "good", somehow, after that one fateful moment in time, i dont feel it, at all.. n somehow "strangely" (yes, this time, it is!), You are no longer specific..

or, on the other hand, is this what is called "generally" as "L-O-V-E"? and this, a form of the greater assurance that comes with it? or is it just plain non-chalance on my part? that has nothing to do with any emotions that can have their strings attatched to that thing called "L-O-V-E"..?
am i reacting too much? i dunno.. maybe..maybe not..
but in the end, it doesnt even matter anymore.

To You..

dear YOU,
n no, i cant realy start of in the usual customary manner..because, i just happened to realise, that, maybe it is not 'customary' for me to address You as per the "customs".. because of one very simple reason.. the "customs" themselves cease to exist when it concerns You..

yes, You may say, (n quite rightly so too) that You have pretty much of a say in my doings..a fact that even i liked and would have greatly wanted it to be that way..for a long long n long time too.. but i just realised, that this is something probably too much to ask for.. coz, maybe, i'd forgotten the fierce n the most protective nature (innate) of mine when it comes at safeguarding my free spirit..

no, this has got NOTHING to do with ANYTHING! n yet, for some really wierdly obscure reason (which, by far, is visible only to You, n You alone), You are always apprehensive.. for what? n that is something, even i would like to know.. n more so, when NOTHING exists, how can ANYTHING really exist?

n so, a few things that i would like to state, for once n for all..

1. You may think to have assumed certain 'rights', but unless You really choose to define You'r credibility, I'm sorry, I might just have to override You'r (so believed) 'rights'.
2. I know (very well) that You are not justified in You'r doings. n I would very much like a valid justification (lemme see, what can You come up with!).. unless it goes back to the case (which I have a feeling, that it eventually will) where You dont have or rather You run out of all possible valid justifications, when I ask for the very same..something that I've always been warning You of.
3. n lastly, (hopefully) certain unsaid 'habits' will still persist.. coz, I treasure them.. n i leave it on You, to have You'r say on that..You'r discretion..entirely.. (n as i used to dread-- certain things should never be changed to "accustomisations"..coz, a habit it easy to forego..but "accustomisations", alas, they, unfortunately, happen to dig way way deeper..)

n thats all, that I had to tell You.. n I will not wait for You'r reply to this, per se.. it'll be known, in the form of those certain "accustomisations"..

Yours trully,
I.

24.11.10

n as i sit alone, i cant help but go back a hrs in time..reflecting back to those moments n pondering over the same.. n i realise that you happen to be the only other person, i my life till now, with whom i had a total n completely insanely random convo, with the most idiotic phrases of songs.. :D
loves

i may have it all, n i may even have you all
n yet i feel, i have none-
neither all of it, nor even a part;
of you ,or the stuffs galore..
but im surrounded with everything, with splendour aplomb,
n yet nothing.., with bare spaces waiting to be filled..
but my eyes are filled
to the brim n more
than even what they can hold..


-A
30.9.10.

can i miss you the way i did,
when you were not there..but were still with me..?
amidst the thoughts, like the deep blue sea
that lives on..even when they are not to be..

-A
28.9.10.

You may say that I'm not Right
but, I'm not Wrong-
I just don't Feel.
You may say that I dont Feel
but its not that-
I just dont Share.
You may say that I dont Share
but I still deny
You may say that You dont See
and then I Say-
"maybe, You're not the Right,
and so You dont Feel, that I Share,
and so.. You dont See."

-A
26.9.10.

you are my theme for a dream, yes you are, a rare and lovely theme
the dreams i dream day and night that your arms are holding me so tight..
everytime i kiss you, music fills with starlight
everytime i touch you, each and everytime, a chime rings out, "i love you" :)
so, angel please say that you love me too
and make my dreams come true :))
♥

the day, wen "YOU" will become "I",that'll be the day, "YOU" will know it why..
n it wont come (or may even come), by "YOUR" saying that-
"so, henceforth, you can say "ME" as "YOU"...."
coz, say as i still-
it still depends very much on "YOU";
for "YOU" to be "I", too...!

-A
23.9.10.

I wait for a sign so I know your mind everyday
I look in the mirror and I see your face
The walls break down, down
When you smile at me
And the world’s much brighter than the one I see..
:)

6.9.10

at times you do end up wondering what really is "bad".. or to say, what can really be the factors to determine the status of being "bad" to anything in particular.. and to say, we take pride in branding ouselves as "Rational" beings coz we proudly associate ourselves to the race of that one particular fellow who happened to come up with the most simplistic mind-boggling theory of "relativity"!

so, coming back to my original point of discussion, the question still remains, how do we really know what to brand as "bad"?? or, in other words, when there is the case of the "lesser good", how do we justify our contradictions?

and now, since im unable to put the correct tag on, i do need all you guys help in this:

breaking up may be bad.. but a break-up without really "breaking up"(in the conventional sense that wud generally preceed the real "breaking up" process), how bad is that?

but the best part in this whole thing, my identity of being the "villain" is reaffirmed. once more. yet again. period.

Clear black sky, occasional light breeze..starless
And white clouds scattered like cotton shreds over black chart-paper
Empty streets, crimson yellow
With them neon lights glowing in full brilliance
Void of any rustling of dead leaves and barking dogs too
A lonesome night.. and a silent night
Stirred at times, by the occasional ‘call’ of a crow-chick
Which is invariably returned by the assuring ‘caw’ of its mother..
I see a tree, right up front
Standing tall and quite forlorn
Staring back at me, with those eyes I can never see
A steady gaze, unfluttered
I guess, trying to make its way through my thoughts,
That is horribly cluttered
Clobbering for some mind space, eh?
But there, I see you
Poised gracefully austere
With pure elegance and an infectious aura..
And as I sit here staring at you,
Staring back as hardly as I can
Putting up a brave face to defy all odds
That’ll inevitably point to my already sparkling eyes- unmistakably moist!
And as the night wears on,
I realized that I can no longer hold on
To those tears that slowly start to well up
In my eyes, that suddenly appear to be so small..
And so as I finally close my eyes
I feel ’em tears running down in file
And I open my eyes, to be greeted by the same soft silent gentle breeze,
The same forlorn tree, swaying gaily to the breeze
Like, nodding in assent or of appreciation of the deed..
And I see a jet-plane, flying overhead
Making its way through the sparsely hung
White cotton-like clouds,
With its floodlit neon lights gleaming ahead,
Like screaming it aloud-“yeah baby! That’s the way!”
-
A.
15.8.10.

But I'm so used to hear him say "Good night" ev'ry day.
I'm very grateful he's a man And so easy to forget;
Rather like a habit One can always break-
And yet, I've grown accustomed to the trace Of something in the air.

23.6.10; 2307 hrs
felt as if i were standing in the middle of a vast plane..under the stars..held and owned..in assurance..in security..

Dunno wat to choose…. The loneliness of waiting for you..or the reassurance of your inevitable returns..

17.6.10

something outta my memories...n something that is a reality.. <3 qoute-unqoute <3
""
Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin' you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt
You're in my heart now
Said, "woman, take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience"
Said, "sugar, make it slow
And we come together fine
All we need is just a little patience..."
Mm, yeah
I sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now
I'll wait, dear
Sometimes I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time
But you know, love
There's one more thing to consider
Said, "woman, take it slow
And things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience"
Said, "sugar, take the time
'Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes
To make it, We won't fake it,
I'll never break it
'cause I can't take it
...little patience, mm yeah, mm yeah"
""
<3

@chuhiya

oh, how i wish, for you to be here; i'd sit by you n hold you tight;
tell you all of those lonesome dark nights; co'z i know that you'd understand....
but im glad that you're not here; coz you'd have found me crying like never before..and not a pretty sight that, i assure..
but wat to do, dear, coz i still miss you..
loves n kisses >:-*<

nothing in the world, it seems
shatters like a broken dream
it is the ache behind the mean
of shadows silent and unseen
and in this fortress dream of sorrow
exist no dawn and no tomorrow
just hours that cut you as they pass
like little shards of broken glass
and yet another and another
sometimes the night is meant to suffer
but look up now and see how far
they light your way like little stars
oh, if i had a star to shine
for every broken dream of mine
the whole night sky would turn to day
and all my troubles melt away.

-A.
3.5.10.

a lot like love, but none like one
and its not fair for me, to keep asking for favours
from you all time along.
there's a part that wants me to move on,
and yet, i cant ignore the presence of it,
which is holding me back.
fairy tales aren't meant for mortals-and so the name.
and so-fairy tales dun always have a happy ending,
something, for which i dun need a telling twice.
but it still knocks me off everytime.
reasons elude me most of the time,
and yet that doesnt stop me from running after them.
and one thing that i've learnt from all this
and yet i continuously refuse to learn--
somethings are just not meant to be
however hard YOU mean them to be.
and the toughest journey ever made is always going back.
'coz, no matter, how-so-ever famiiar the route may be
the steps are always the most difficult and heavy.
and certain "wait" should never be waited upon
for the very "WAIT" to be over!

and i dunno wat it all means..'coz, i never looked back to see wat it really is.

-A
29.4.10

fav list :)

loves..... :)))

1. 32 mins on std n just 20 bucks!! :D 
2. p.a's irritation n annoyance wen p.a's is interrupted during narration :P 
3. DC winning! ;) 
4. random plans :)) 
5. freaky similarities.. even concerning 'identities' now.. (ref: bandar) :P :D 
6. ITEM. (mvah)

16.4.10.

reality check.
the moth and the flame..the flame incites the moth..the moth is lured to it..everytime..overwhelmed by its presence..but then, the reality gets back to it..its a moth against the flame..and the moth burns to ashes, in that very same flame..
you were nobody to me..not even a face..not even a name..just one of those zillion other entities having their esteemed existence in this world..yet there was this cosmic conspiracy that made you change your status for me..you became a name..and then you took a face..i wanted it to stop at that..the name n the face..but, i dun call it the 'cosmic conspiracy' just like that..n, it dint stop at just the name n the face..n the biggest shift in the process, you gave me a name..a face..an identity..i fought..i resisted..but ultimately, was overwhelmed..n for sometime, i liked the feeling of being overwhelmed..and everytime it happened..and of all the effects that it had, it had one bad effect.. it made me defy "reality"..i started defying the practicality..and so, one day, the 'reality' had its shot at me..
period

19.4.10

today, apart from the trecharous and taxing dose of IFM, i learnt some other 'intersting' stuffs too:

1.there finally exists a thing which is different between me n p.a.(you know wat now :P)!!!

*n im absolutely elated!!! :D:D:D:D:D coz isme, you cant be the copy cat!!!!

2. i "manipulate" your mind easily.. (if you'd please care to explain! O_o)

3. im a "bachi, chutki si" wen i talk, but "conveniently" bada, "agar baato ko samjo toh"...(?)

but mera pyara sa p.a., if "baat" is the common factor here,then, how can i be the "chutki si bachi" n "bada" at the same time,huh??? samjhaiyo, please..... :))

and this is the icing!
4. "i adore you.." *blush!!!

2.4.10.

this is insane..yes..and to start something with "these" three "coveted" words, well, enough proof of insanity..and i say this is insane, not only due to my choice of the afore mentioned (supposedly "coveted") words,but also due to the surrounding "Circumstances" (if, and as, i'd like to put it)..and to say,all this, sitting upright, without any trace of being tired (inspite of going n probably gone bonkers over some stupid ratios for 36 hrs straight) at 4 in the morning..well,still doubtful regarding the choice of "coveted" words? i hope not.
to many, this may sound idiotic..some may brand me as stuipd..and some, (well, they already have) "kiddish"..but, this is ME..and i realised, there's no other way, how this can be possible..
there are questions..many..probably even loads of them..at times, all playing cut-the-chase..and thats precisely when it all starts..and sometimes, it just remains as---well, just "questions"..simply....and thats precisely the point where i realise, that it has to be like that..like "questions"..
i never realised before..but strangely though, i had a wierd downing of "understanding"..something like, the smooth cascade of martini over pom'granate seeds..
how would it be,if there are no updates? if the status (there) reads:"void"? would you like it?
and i'd the answer..i knew it..even wen the answer was not supposed to be mine..you call it strange? but, "strangely" though, somehow, i dont..
she says"A close friend has what you need - you just have to ask.''..and im scared..scared not about the identity of the "close friend", but of my need..
i feel,(sometimes, mostly, and well, even almost all the time) randomness is the flvour of the day..and the day lasts every"day"..something (or maybe everything) like red-n-black---"convers(ation)e"---pommegranate seeds (again red)---paper streamers---rugs---ipod---foam---tissues---brouhaha + cacophony = melody(?)----bare foot (or maybe even, "feet"!?).......and wat not? sometimes even a journey..
its all intertwined..i never realise its significance..most of the time..it appears "messy" to me..but, again........i know......

ahem!!!! (*cough cough*) loads of constrictions,btw,so gotta clear my throat! *wink
k then...simply put,.....cant put it down!awefully sorry! the other way then.....
aptly put "PARTNERS IN CRIME",in its every "holy" essence.caring,loving,irritating,fun,and even protective....possibly everything rolled in one.and sometimes even "friends"!!!the ideal company of mine for movies,chats, useless and equally baseless talks,bitching,"gaali" dictionary(lol),the most horrible pjs ever,the by-default audience for all my experimental songs,my boring gossips,shopping, cc,and of course,the ever omnipresent--COFFEE!and the mad mad laughs,way into the night.(even shared the tears at times).surprised me the most wen she stood my ground.had some of the best times wid her.
and on a personal note---really miss the fundoo "us-times"! those were the best!! undoubtedly!! love u loads......mvah!

today (or rather tonight) it went a lil further..
so, lemme track down the entire journey.. :)) we first started as normal mortals.. so as to speak.. but that was short lived, as nomenclature took over within the first few exchange.. :P and they were the results or rather the conclusions of the above exchange.. ;) and thus, formeth a team - of alsi n its pseudo version :D awesome combo, that too!!!! :D it stuck to that.. for a long tym.. and so, i thot that it might as well be for keeps..and not that i was complaining..na na.. not even a teeny-weeny lil bit! :)
but then, change is the norm of living..so, even this had to witness a certain change in itself.. and this time it went on to a certain "item" :P not much of a scope for complaining, i'd say.. the other end was a bit muddled coz the pseudo version was not working well with the new one..so, lo and behold! modification was the new rule of the day :D and so, the new team was formed, of the earlier constituents, albeit in a different mode--item and the p.a. :)))
and now, its stil at that..the base is strong..with the p.a. assuming various forms, as and when needed.. it was a "bakra", the first time, which was enjoyed (self proclamation!) and the latest being the "kutta" :D:P and again self proclamatory....
but again i'll say, "im not complaining..not at all..not even a teeny-weeny lil bit!" :)
changes..alterations.. and all these getin all the more hilarious with every passing "modifying change":P a "DIETICIAN"???? i ask you? ;) and the answer i get--"yup". period. and, well with the latter going thru so much of "changes" per se, its unfair that the former experiences none..so, the former too gets a new prefix--"sweet".. :))
p.s. : the prefix still continues.. :) but the suffix, has undergone a change,of late.. :))
plus, the "latter" also went thru further transformations, which were, as usual, all self-proclamatory :P
but the bottom line: neither one is actually complaining!! :D and each one, is kinda "loving" it.. [n yeah, it includes me too :)) mvah! :-*]

gnite..

it all started tonight-
with a wierd discussion, or,
had might even been a 'fight'?! :-o
and the reason, well,
it might have been unknowingly hidden,
for all prying,
for it, that we might! ;) :-P
but sense prevailed and peace restored-
with all smiles and "no-barred-holds" :-D
so, here am i,
running outta "rhymes" :-P
wishing you-
a very "good night!"
but my style-
"gnite.. sweetdreams.. your dreams.." :-* mvah! :-D

-A
 10.3.10.

identity

i am all that i am, n all that you see
yet i am nothing at all, n from you i flee
made of distortions and perceptions awry
i play the horizon, where always i lie..

-A.

hold on!
dont talk..dont breathe..
hold your breath,
coz you've me there
hanging on to it.
coz you're all that i've
my home....my hearth....
make it count;
every sigh..and each beat of your heart,
coz that's where i belong
and its all that i've.
we'll make it count
every moment of our lives
and every beats, of our two hearts..
coz we're all that
i've in you and you've in me!
and we'll hold on!
and surely make it count!

-A.
 26.2.10.

If I fell in love with you,
Would you promise to be true,
& help me understand?
Cause I've been in love before,
& I've found that love was more,
Than just holding hands.
If I give my heart to you,
I must be sure from the very start,
That you would love me more than her.
If I trust in you,Oh please,don't run and hide.
If I love you too,Oh please,don't hurt my pride like her,
Cause I couldn't stand the pain.
& I,would be sad if our new love was in vain,
So I hope you see,That I would love to love you.
if i fell in love with you.

the lady in RED,
thats all that id wanna be,
if i could have my wish,
that would just be it!

-A.
15.2.10.

"par sang sang kahan hai, thodi doori se, zindagi aasaan hai, meri duniya aur uska bhi jahan hai"

n this kinda sums it all up..perfectly.. :)

Try as they may
They could never define
What's been said
Between your
Heart and mine

in your heart
in your mind
i'll stay with you
through all our time :)
♥

clear sky -- black with a silver dot for a star
and clouds akin shreds of cotton of a worn out shirt
rain washed streets and glistening cement steps
with random patches of water, forming inconsistent puddles on them.
and its as serene as it can get
with nothing to disturb it and cause distress.
and such is the bliss of the silent night-
that i cant resist, but admire,
as i stand on my porch, gazing out to the clear black sky
with just a silver dot for a star.

-A.
22.11.10.

i may be entitled for a not-so-very-good (i say "not-so-very-good" solely because, i dun like the sound that rings in the ears wen i say "bad day".. maybe because im paranoid n always dreading some distant "knowingly" unknown fear) day after an (or even some, at a stretch) amazingly satisfying (in all aspects) day(s) ( n even nyt(s))..but, its always in those "not-so-very-good" days, that my restlessness reaches to such great heights, that i fail to see reason n logic, of even the most simplest n the straight-forward-est thing.. n inevidently, i always make it horribly twisted n complicated.. the end result is nevertheless the one, that ultimately transcends into me getting (un)visibily depressed n distressed, even ending up crying n sobbing (the latter one 'performed' in strict seclusion, n the former one, in disguise)..

but i cannot help it, if i miss you the most (in a real bad way) on those "not-so-very-good" days..

♥ mere dil ne tujhse yaari ki baazi haari ♥

"tera karu intezaar,
tu mere dil ka karar,
itna, hai aetbaar
maanugi na mei bhi haar.."
♥

how easy will it be, to just die?
with no one to bow to you, n no grief or sorrow;
is it realy that simple? to just let it be..like, slipping into oblivion?
n if i do it eventually, wat will i be losing?
something that i pride myself to be,
or something that i chide myself with?

but, then, if i do so much of soul-searching,
it wont really be "just-let-it-be" types..
so, wat do you say i do?
shut it all up n just DO?

n i still wonder-
how easy will it be
to just-- DIE.

" 'Od fata 'od!" :P:P

'Od fata 'od!
 :D:P:P

well, this is my Diwali phrase of the day! :D n quite an interesting one, that too!
so, before i get down to the 'explanation' part of it, a brief 'intro' sorta thingy is definitely mangta hai. :) n not to mention, the source of it, as always (for stuffs that can be certified "controversial")---POPS!!!! :D *luv*

and so, circa 1230 hrs, diwali afternoon, with sun beating down..aah! so much glad for the AC innova.. :p moi n pops (yeah!!!! the best ever team :):D) were assigned a duty..n so, we're off (thankful for the AC innova :P)--*tantanaaaaa* STAR Bazaar *Tantaaannaaaa* the usual chores done, bill paid n then the exit.. n then it hit!!!!
"ki 'od! ki 'od!"---i explained!! a bit irritatingly!

[note: "'od" as such, is no proper word..in fact, it is not even a really colloquial term, per se, either.. but, its been in use, mostly (n probably) by me (only n exclusively) :P *voila* but nevertheless, lemme spill it.. it means--in bong (of course) "rod".. or in hindi "dhup" n in english "sun" :P]

i said again, n this time with my eyes squinting..pops looked at me.. n then at the blistering 'od outside.. n said--"'od fata 'od"..period.

[note-2: now that i've explained 'od, lemme explain "fata".. its a real simple term.. meaning "crack".. n of course, again, in bong!]

so, the translation is still in a real murky state for me.. :( "'od fata 'od" = "dhup cracking dhup" ??? ? ?

nah.. something was terribly amiss..i ask pops--"maane?" pops replied "ask mamma.. she'll tell".. well, so, nothing more to be done.. i had to ask mamma..so, first thing i do, after entering the house-- "mamma, 'od fata 'od maane ki?" n wat followed was a hysterical laugh.. "strange", thought moi! i asked again.. you see, i was persisitent.. mamma tried to shy off n pass it on to pops.. n pops followed suit.. n this went on (the passing the pass game)..but i WAS insistent.. n ultimately, after a lot of effort in stiffling the crazy laughs, pops came up with the explanation.. n in precise terms that i would understand without any difficulty..

"'od fata 'od" = "ass cracking dhoop"!!!

aaha!!!!
i feel "enlightened"! :)

indeed a HAPPY DIWALI! :D

dearest chuhiya,
and before i actually start off the conventional "letter writing", i've a confession (of some sort) to make! i was almost so tempted (n even thought of, but discarded the thought owing to my poor and rather horrible drawing skills :P) to kinda "draw" a "chuhiya" instead of writing "chuhiya"!

sorry! :D

so, anyway, getting back to the conventional "letter writing" mode. was just sitting alone, at the dining table, thinking about you. yeah, a bit wierd, coz i generally dun sit and start thinking about anyone in such an off-handed manner.
and the fact still remains-- i was thinking! maybe, a lot has to do woth our recent night's conversation and my subsequent posting on my blog (which was a DISASTER, nevertheless). and then the urge to write became so prominent, that i actually spent 15 mins, searching for paper and pen! (and this is to say that i still find myself at a terrible loss, at this new house when it comes to search/find things. be it anything!
and finallt armed and equipped, when i started to write, my mind was flooded with the past memories of our saga of writing letters and posting them to each other. and i smiled (and im still smilimg!!)
and before, i could even think, what to write about in this letter, i realised that i was shakin with complete excitement-- for the very idea of "writing" a letter to you, again!!
and this might even sound really hilarious and equally irritatingly pissing off too-- i realised that i dont have anything particular to write about in this letter. so much for the effort that you put in-- starting from opening the envelope and eventually tearing it off :P and then pain-stakingly going through my illegible handwriting!
but still, to be very frank and honest, the very idea (in itself) of writing a letter and posting it to you was so exciting that i just had to do it.
even if right now, its all plain non-sense!
i dont care! :D:D

n i miss you so!! :(

luv!
psycho!

LOL-(est)!! :D

lol.. yeah..seriously LOL :D:D:D:D

this happened yesterday..yester-'night', more like it (that way!)..it was moi n mamma..sitting at the dining table.. after everything had been wounded up, kitchen closed and cleaned (n subsequently shut).. i was with my double stock of the last mumbai newspapers (courtesy mumbai airport :P)..pops was busy 'entertaining' robin mesho with "omen".. n mamma had initially (originally) resorted to going back to bed and "falling asleep"-a venture, in which failing miserably :p :p
and so thus it was-- me at the table, joined by mamma, and then eventually pops.. sitting, chatting, talking, laughing gaily :):) n then, pops gets my lapi..n turns it on.. ;) wat followed is somewat embarrassingly hilarious.. :D

my walpaper is currently boasting of (a relatively good or i can say, 'better') photo of moi! :) n well, the pic is not entirely of "moi" alone.. its a pic--moi n 'p.a' ;) n quite a good one that too!! (i bow down to the photographer :) ) yeah.. so, it starts up, without any trouble.. n the desktop is shown, with the wallpaper n "us" smiling from it in full glorified manner.. :D :)

n mamma, intrigued by the lapi's start-up sound n the light emitted from the wallpaper (desktop), leaned over to have a peek.. n then she saw.. ;P n she stared.. she waited.. probably hoping for pops to react in her desired manner.. but wen that dint happen, she herself mustered up her courage! :P

she sat up.. shuffled a bit on her place.. faced me.. n caught my absolute un-fazed look..she stared back at the lapi.. n finally "eta k?" a question.. n a very confused stare..towards me.. "eta ******..building-er neeche tola photo".. followed by some more shuffling..and a few more stare-backs n peeks to the lapi screen (which by then had changed to some window, courtesy pops..)

n that was the end of last "night's" saga.. but im sure, with the mention of the one person in every conversation that im having with mamma, irrespective of the time n the topic, per se, im sure, she's having more than "just a lil doubt" in her mind.. :P some serious thought processing going on im sure.. n of-course, countless shuffling n infinite refer-back to the desktop-wallpaper.. :D

n til then, im still not in any mood to change my now existing desktop wallpaper.. :) n im gonna persist with that, for some time more (thats to come)..till i really run out of all the reasons, for not having that as my wall paper..

*love*

you n "home"-coming :)

Homecoming is always special..especially when you cease to be a permnent fixture at your own "home".. n even if you are an officailly certified a nobody n a not-so-significant-in-any-way kind of an entity, you're nevertheless bestowed with such a highest degree of regalness, that if the kings n the queens would have been alive, they would also have probably come down from their thrones and handed over their crowns.. :) such is the intensity of the royal treatment that im subjected to! :D





and maybe..just "maybe" for this reason, however horribly homesick (whose brunt is always borne by my poor p.a. (*sholly baby:) :love! :hugs!*) that i might get (n suffer from) wen im away, i am always wanting to go 'away' from "home"..so, when i come back, it gets a "happy" home-coming of all sorts for me!








so, my dearest p.a, sweetz (*:hugs!*), brace yourself up, for another round of dealing-with-my-home'sick'ness..coz i love the way you never cease to enthrall me, in your 'signature' and 'patent' style.. (n you can very well (fosho-ly) give a certain "barney stinson" a good run for his money!)





*love* :P





*shut up!*


<3

"you maynot be 'anyone' to the world..but you may be the "world" to someone.."

i've grown up listening to this line.. all along the journey called (my) life, i've had people who would patron for the above metioned.. n so, i kinda took to the line as granted.. never really "realised" wat it really meant.. wat it really held in it as the truest n innate "essence.." but for yesterday..

yes.. in fact, yesterday was the fateful day (or nyt, or the insane hrs of early morning) after 22 long (n short) years of my life, that i could realy fathom the true meaning and the truest essence of the oft-said line.. n i was shaken..

if you say, that i should have been happy on realising the meaning (which is nothing short of a mystery being unravelled, gradually, layer-by-layer, in front of my eyes), i was not.(period). maybe because the reason of it was nothing short of making me "not happy"..
but still, it goes thus.. i realised that i AM n i mean the WORLD to someone.. n even if im not happy (or rather, i fail to percieve any emotion associated with it as "happy", per se), im GLAD.. :)

n that gives me a reason more to live.. till the time i live (voluntarily)..

only time..

Who can say where the road goes,
Where the day flows?
Only time...
And who can say if your love grows,
As your heart chose?
Only time...
Who can say why your heart sighs,
As your love flies?
Only time...
And who can say why your heart cries,
When your love dies?
Only time...
Who can say when the roads meet,
That love might be,
In your heart.
And who can say when the day sleeps,
If the night keeps all your heart?
Night keeps all your heart...
Who can say if your love grows,
As your heart chose?
Only time...
And who can say where the road goes,
Where the day flows?
Only time...
Who knows?
Only time...
Who knows?
Only time...

it should technically get better..with each and every passing day.. after all, its said, "time" is the best healer..so, as per that,it IS bloody goddamit supposed to function exactly that ways!

but its not.. n in fact far far away from it..and it becomes more n much more profound this time (of the year)..its a desperate try of mine, to turn mutant to it, n everything of it n associated with it.. n with each passing day, its thrashed..literally..violently..this time of the year..

coz, rather than taking me far away from it, it actually gets me to that special place.. a place, where i no longer wanna be..

n no my dear.. this doesnt bear the tag "you n i"..

just..so...

can i say that i love you?
'coz, you know what-- i really do..
and there exists no such means and measures
for me to tell you, how much-so-ever
that i do!

so, i just wanna say--
I Love You.

cacophonic silence

 it was funny.. coz i dint know that it'll happen..
its stil funny, coz its hard to believe that it actually happened..
psychology,....., you say.. n so do i.. but how do you go on to define?
i cant, n so, i leave it on you.. you see, n you decide :)


its funny because, even though of 'speaking' everyday (nyt), we dint 'speak', per se..n all of a sudden, the desire n the urge to 'speak' n 'hear' you became so prudent n prominent, that even before i could realise n reason with myself, it had broken the shackles of all the realisations n came forth.. it was like, as if its hung there.. omnipresent..only, making its presence felt today, in everything...every sensation.. the air, the wind, the sky, the clouds, the light, the dark, the moon.... but i still reasoned..vehemently.. you see, im afraid and scared..i dun wanne be left scarred..again..n then a compromise.. i imagined.. n i was happy.. coz i neednt be scarred again....

but, then it was realised..you made it realise.. the omnipresent presence was never so signified..n for a mo' wen i heared you, i was lost.. for words, for feelings, for realisation, for reason.. i was, just n simply, lost.. blissfully so.. n wen i came back (n wen you made me come back) , i embraced it all..the air, the wind, the sky, the clouds, the light, the dark, the moon..

*shut up!*
:)
<3

why is it so, n why is it not so?

why is it that we both have to get the calls from those specific people on the same day?
why is it that you can tell me abt it so uninhibitedy and i cant?
inspite of the fact that there exists no secrets between us, why is it still that i cant recount it to you?
why do i always feel engulfed in that wierd feeling and sensation wenever you tell me abt that?
and why i dun seem to have any answer to any of the above questions?
and why my not having answers to these questions bothers me to no end?

situations..telepathy..n j! :(

situational similarity..rather situational "same-pinch".. and surprisingly though, had it been other matter, i probably would have laughed it off taking pride in it.. but somehow, for some wierd inexplicable reason n feeling, im not happy.. in fact there is a well defined feeling and a continuous subjection towards a definite and steady jabs of jealousy..or, as it can be said, "pangs of jealousy" (sic)..and it involves the "telephone", "a voice" and maybe something else too.. and unfortunately it all coincides.. :(
there lies one difference though.. a big one.. and it has to do with the awareness.. im aware of it.. n you're not.. n there the difference starts and ends ther itself.. im aware, n so, i get the "jabs".. you're not, n so, maybe, you dun even know..
i hear a voice saying "oh c'mon now, stop being so privy..let him be happy..after all thats all you were aiming n thats wat you should want too"..and then it also says "happiness, but not in this manner"..

yes.. its as clear as it can get.. now.. and probably, it has been this way..since, even i've forgotten, wen..

yes im j..n i get j.. with every mention of it..n every hope of it..

maane ki?? :)

pujo maane--
notun jama, notun jooto;
ghure-berano aar boi-bondo ;)
notun shaaj, she-i pran;
aar she-i prane-te, notun gaan..

pujo maane--
she-i chena raasta-e ochena shaaj,
charidik aalo-e bhora akash,
loke'r dekha-e mukhe haashi,
aar, she-i haashi-te bhora ei shoba'r shaaj! :)

tai to pujo..aar ki, abar? :)

pseudo-BONG(ing)!!!! :)

i've often ended up wondering about the possibility of 'mistaken identity' concerning me.. coz, however hard i try, i always find myself to be thoroughly averse to the very 'bong' element. which, by far, should have been something innate.. n which is all and evrything, BUT that :P n it goes without definite mention that im not even doing much to make it an 'acquired' phenomenon either..
so, finally, i've made peace with me being "pseudo-bong"! where all my "bong"-ing is limited to me being born to "thorough-bred bong parents"!

so, coming back to the present day..;)
its mahalaya! the day that marks the descent of "goddess durga" on the mortal ground..n the preceding night, i'd made loadsa plans with pops regarding the time he should be waking me up n wat station to listen to n wat not..n well, it kinda remained at just 'plans'.. :P
n so, the day starts with me receiving the first "shubho mahalaya" msg from my (then once) (girl)friend :);) *chuckle*.. a complete bong msg..n my first reaction to it was just a blank stare at my phone's screen for sometime.. n it was only after a good 40 mins, did i think of passing on the 'same' msg to some other ppl (read: significant ppl).. one of the underlying characteristics of a 'pseudo-bong'.. ;)

n of those ppl (read: significant ppl) whom i passed on the msg, one happens to be a certain gujju-punjabi :P with some amalgamation of tamil, marathi n wat not!!! (n sincerely and fervently hope, that if "you" happen to be reading this, im not grounded afterwards!:P) n the very first reaction "ye kya hai re?translate karna:)"
n then it hits--BANG! i'll have to "TRANSLATE" this "bong" piece entirely!!!! n word-by-word not just the rough estimate of it! n so, i start.. a laborious plodding at the bong-translate-to-english task.. n it took me a good part of the 30 mins spent in that! but the end result..???
well, just as i mentioned, it always pays if the person is anything but bong.. :P n so, wat followed was "nice msg"..further followed by "nice translation" ":)" (n it also pays "handsomely" if the "person" happens to be happily biased for you!)


n so, there it was.. my first take on "pseudo-BONG-ing"!! :D

p.s. : the other two ppl (read: significant ppl) happened to be mamma n pops.. i recieved a "shubho mahalaya" from pops [:)] n a quite "visibily" happily surprised call from mamma :P

n yeah, its still "you", who got my famous attempt of its translation! ;)

shubho mahalaya.

thank you!

WHEW!!!!
n thats exactly enough to describe the way im feeling..now..one word to explain it all :) been really sorta rough last few days, n if you go further back, might have even been a couple of weeks.. but yeah, FREE today:) inspite of the fact that the next couple of weeks are gonna be equally (if not more) hectic, plus, i have a viva tomo( on which i'll be marked!), for which i have no clue at all, till this very instant (that im typing this :P)

anyway, i say "thank you" for a lot of reasons.. firstly, a direct confrontation with myself, and then acting onto it.. :)
and then, well, this is gonna sound a lil bit wierdly absurd.. :P
this goes to the person, whom i've left no possible stones( bricks or even gravels) unturned, to curse in each and every possible way..but, as it stands now, i really say "thank you".. in fact, i never even considered or rather never liked to even consider that person as a 'person' even, per se.. and i had even crowned him as a 'rodent' (with sincere and due apologies to the original class of rodents in the animal kingdom! ;):P no offense!!!). but, inspite of all this, i say "thank you" to you today! (n its NO WAY that you're gonna be reading it..so, it still leaves me with a fair amount of scope and freedom to indulge myself in a few cuss words ;) lol!!)

your method of insisting on making a draft and then building it on gradually to the final manuscript for a report, and all the efforts, kinda helped me..then.. n now.. i din realise it then(well, your continous presence and breathing down on my neck (literally!) dint go a long way in making it easier and condusive), but, i do realise it now..albeit a bit reluctantly at first.. :P so yeah! this is for you :)

thank you, RAT! :)

i may have it all, n i may even have you all
n yet i feel, i have none-
neither all of it, nor even a part;
of you ,or the stuffs galore..
but im surrounded with everything, with splendour aplomb,
n yet nothing, with bare spaces waiting to be filled..

but my eyes are filled
to the brim n more
than even what they can hold..

-A
30.9.10.

i may have it all, n i may even have you all
n yet i feel, i have none-
neither all of it, nor even a part;
of you ,or the stuffs galore..
but im surrounded with everything, with splendour aplomb,
n yet nothing, with bare spaces waiting to be filled..

but my eyes are filled
to the brim n more
than even what they can hold..

-A
30.9.10.

can i miss you the way i did
when you were not there..but were still, with me..?
amidst the thoughts, like the deep blue sea
that lives on, even when.. they are not to be.

-A
28.9.10.

now n then wen i see your face
you take me away to that special place
and if i'd stare too long
i'd probably break down and cry....

:'(



You may say that I'm not Right
but I'm not Wrong-
I just dont Feel.
Ypu may say that I dont Feel
but its not that-
I just dont Share.
You may say that I dont Share
but I still deny.
You may say that You dont See
and then I say-

"maybe, You're not the Right,
and so, You dont Feel, that I Share,
and so.. You dont See."


-A
26.9.10.

YOU n I

the day, wen even "YOU" will be "I",
that'll be the day, "YOU" will know it why..
n it wont come (or may even come), by "YOUR" saying that-
"so, henceforth, you can say "ME" as "YOU"...."
coz, say as i still-
it still depends very much on "YOU";
for "YOU" to be "I", too...!

:'(

-A.
23.9.10.

first fight..n "gnite" :)

it all started tonight-
with a wierd discussion, or,
had might even been a 'fight'?! :-o
and the reason, well,
it might have been unknowingly hidden,
for all prying,
for it, that we might! ;) :-P
but sense prevailed and peace restored-
with all smiles and "no-barred-holds" :-D
so, here am i,
running outta "rhymes" :-P
wishing you-
a very "good night!"
but my style-
"gnite.. sweetdreams.. your dreams.." :-* mvah! :-D

-A
10.3.10.

well yeah!
this was the very starting point..well, not really the "starting point" of the conversations, which was already boasting of a (then) month n a half's worth value :P (*chuckle*), but yes, a definite starting point of formation of unsaid n unspoken bond.. n a fight was the inception! voila!
and the fulcrum- "goodnight"! :D:P

n the parties concerned are so accustomed to it, that it has become a 'by-default' part of their everyday's existance :)
n it holds true..till this day.. n the instant :)
<3 it!

seven days..thats all it takes..
or so, has been proven..time n again..
but there was someone who defied this..
n he went on to say--
"love..doesnt happen so quick girl,takes time,maybe it doesnt,but for me at least it does."
some sure heavy words.
i never knew, if he really meant them,
wen he said them,
but these words sure made something happen..
went on to convince me that,
these weren't to be forgotten..
it may have been proven, time n again,
by love expoents, who'd swear by them,
in any given point in space..
it just chose to follow, an altogether different lane,
with me, at its other end..
standing me apart,
in this world so insane.....

-A.
15.2.10.

"care" to "free" :) or "free" to "care" ??? :D

It was like wat it was supposed to be..Carefree..“care” n “free”..with equal emphasis on both..contradictory, you say? I cant agree more..I was “free”..free to “care”..n that’s all that made the difference..n I dint have to wander to the woods to tread on the path least traversed by..but still, it made the difference..A general shift in preferences..from faces to numbers..a strong dislike towards a face..n an equally, if not more, strong “favoritism” for numbers..but I was free..free to care..n so, it dint matter..carefree..But faces came back..n I was still content..free, after all..n that was all that mattered..Free..it was..the face was “free”..of any conventional attachments..I was “free” to “face” it, in any way..I was free to care..I was free to face..But I chose to bind myself to numbers..had an instant favorite..7.2.. it chose a pair..n so became 7.1..the numbers dint stop there..30 more digits followed..n the numbers were not meant to be free..so, buried them..n free again..moved to the “wonderland”..to be greeted by entities..a gentle graduation from numbers n faces..dog, a man’s best friend..i’d say, “understated”..n no longer the “holy” cow..it was a wonderland, afterall..n things differ..amidst all these,a face surfaced..n I was again free..to face it my way..but, the buried numbers were dug up..and they broke..the bonds broken, but not rejoiced..tears were shed..the heart wept..the face became stronger..bolder..another face emerged..floated..but was more than a face..found a farmer..was comforting..”field” would be “cared” again..i went back to faces..n gave one a definite form..my face..the “farmer” tended n cared..and the “field” prospered..my face glowed..the work done, n farmer gone..fields overturned..n the face, journeyed on..in search..dog followed..farmer cared..the face smiled.. :)

mumbo-jumbo!

people do take their time for realisation to dawn upon them..or rather, i can put it this way..people take their time to "allow" certain realisations to dawn upon them.. and for all these living moments of my life, including this moment as i'm putting this thing down,i've always hoped for one thing the most..i say, "the most", coz there are a fair lot of other stuffs that i hope for too..but, nevertheless, the thing for which i hope for the most is that, it should never be too late to "realise"..n this so-called "realisation" is pertinent to the said situation, whichever is applicable.. im not very sure that i can go upstage n boldly declare that i've always tasted success on this front..but then again, may be, i continue being able to live with this supposed "failure", because there happens to be one more thing, which i very strongly believe in having "the" major hold in all my life's happenings.. n that being--"whatever happens, happens or the good of it"..so, whenever, i "allow" the "realisation" to dawn upon me that i might have taken a bit longer than the "allowed" time, i go back to the belief that i hold on to..

 

at times, i think, is it because, its convenient? an easy way out, to escape from my confrontations to self?or, i try to be the "great" one..or is it, because, thats the only thing, that helps me to get back on my feet, n readies me for another venture, whenever it gets tough?it has to be either of the two.. but then, wat about it, when it is applicable to someone else? can i allow that "someone else", however significant a position he happens to occupy at that given time n moment, to hold on to the very same above mentioned beliefs?if yes, then why? n why m i not able to find answers? its not that im anserable to anyone..here, im not even being able to be answerable to my own self..

 

well, yes..there has been a certain "realisation"..way beyond, probably, the "stipulated time"..which happened to involve two "beings" at the same time..it was more like, both  "allowing" the "realisation" to dawn upon them respectively, at precisely the same moment..and then, both being faced by the same dead end as for the answers concerned.. but now, as im putting this down, i wonder, where will this "realisation" lead "us"..

 

my belief says, it happened because it had to happen..and it happened when it had to happen..n its never late for anything to happen..its only "late", as per our "convinience"..but whatever it is, the bottomline holds, that it happened, whenever it happened..and i realise, im no one to judge the reasons for its happenings..and as per my "beliefs",i should know that it happened for some "good"..but here, there is one small alteration..i cant help but to speculate about what precise "good" may be the reason for the "happening", which is the "realisation" in this case..because, it incorporates "two" people..which is not very "convenient" for me..

 

because the other "being" involved in this, still holds that significant position..