P says "paranoia"

the tale-tell signs, when paranoia kicks in.. when the jitters creep in.. and when i sense that i'm beginning to lose it.. the followings are the sure shot pointers.. bottom line:: stay out of my way, for your own safety..(sic)

1. my hands turn clammy..
   (though, when i say this, Mr.D begs to differ.. he says that my hands are forever clammy.. but then again, i beg to differ.. and so, i agree to disagree..)
2. i don't feel very good.. about anything.. and yet nothing in particular..
3. i lose the ability to be specific..
4. i can't focus..
5. i become shifty..
6. i have this tremendous urge to keep my fingers busy..
7. i can't seem to stand mirrors..
8. my brain and/or mind stops working rationally..
9. i start scribbling.. at times even unintentionally.. at times, intentionally..
   (Mr.D says that he'd rather have me in this perpetual state of paranoia, as he will get to see those awesome(strictly his views and opinion, this) sketches!)
10. i tend to fight with every feeling that tends to show up in my body..
11. i go underground..
12. i turn absolutely unreachable.. no terms of contact..
    (though, living in the same house, it kind of becomes a bit of an inconvenience, as my mamma always keeps on bumping to me.. and my pops seems to be simply unable to do without me.. though, even then, the "shut-doors" come in handy)
13. i'm cranky..(sic)
14. i feel cold..
15. i can't sleep..
16. i blabber..
    which i have realised, been doing for quite long..

so, i better stop.. or no.. i have to pull myself away from this lapi.. *oh boy..*

patakha guddi!

highway..and what a movie..!!!!
it was the second show.. and running, panting, and almost pushing through the rush of people in front of us--me and mamma---just about managed to reach the seats before the room became all dark..but it was all worth the effort..

and what a movie.!!!! alia bhatt simply stole the show away!!!! and randeep hooda!!! *drool!* no jat can ever be so lovable.. rough.. crude, harsh, yet with the most soft and unaltered innocence, deep within.. you'll cry when he dies.. and yes.. he dies.. and that's how real this movie is!

and it was again then when i realised that i'm 'naked' without my habit.. that shoulder to rest my head on.. that embrace, wherein i felt the safest and the most secure..

i.missed.all.that.and.more.



*maine toh tere, tere utte
chhaddiyan doriyan
maine toh tere, tere utte
chhaddiyan doriyan..*

habit

it still has not sunk in yet.. it's taking it's own sweet time..
but, 2 days in now, and finally it seems to me that i'm finally beginning to feel the strain in my longing for you.. the "distance"of around 500 kms, finally getting the better of me..

as its now only limited to "ki korchhish" during and at the most random hours of the day..

and no, it does NOT and can NOT even come close for being the substitute of what it was till a couple of days back..

you made habits for me.. habits i loved.. habits i swore by.. habits i loved and lived to swear by..
you were my habit..

and all i can say now is ~

(old)HABITS die hard(sic).

p.s. because, you know.. and i dunno anything else.. xoxox