♥♥..to be continued..!

and yet again, there was the answer to the omnipresent "when was the last time you did something for the first time?".. this time, it involved me and my "first" Partner. :)

for the first time, he understood "a lot can happen over coffee"..
for the first time, he didn't loath the place..
for the first time, he never realised the time..
for the first time, he was sad, leaving..
for the first time, he got a reason to stay back..

certain "firsts" are always  special.. and the first ever FIRST, just tops the list.. and where am i in this? well, i was the omnipresent factor, in all of the above firsts..

*love*

the ONE pride, which never fell and never failed me!

i always went after perfection.. i do it even today.. but i hav a funny way of stocking perfection.. i moment i hav it, i hav to make it imperfect.. compulsarily.. because i strongly believe, perfect things dun last.. and the only way that i can make them last is in their imperfections.. 

on this day, i am proud to say, i have this one perfect thing in my life.. perfect even in its imperfections.. and yes, its always going to be that ONE special part of me..

**love**

is that what's love about?

i set the scene to tell the tale
who could have known his face would pale?
life is never what you want
unless you plan it from the start
now, wouldn't that be smart?
so, this is how it always goes
and what's real, we'll never know
trust me now, i know firsthand
my fiction leads my real life and
this isn't what i planned.
my melody's my malady, my hand inscribes my grave
i told you once, i'll tell you twice, there's nothing left to say
i don't know what i've been told, my memory escaped
but don't try to refresh my mind, i've reasoned it that way
just shhhhh......
don't make a sound as i cry out
is that what love is all about?
don't make a sound as i call out
i know that's not what's love about.

f*c*e* EVERYTHING :'(

trust me to fuck things up.. so royally and so nicely.. and just when i really had started to think that things are getting along nice and smooth.. just when i had started to think that maybe i am getting to that point where i can handle certain "issues" in a mature manner.. and at exactly that precise opportune moment i had to screw things up.. almost maybe even to the extent of one of beyond repairs!

the day was going along nicely.. so very nicely.. i was animated throughout.. the evening was exciting to start with.. everything so perfectly perfect.. sweetheart, et al..

and i just simply had to ruin it all.. fuck it all over.. hold it upside down and screw it thoroughly.. 

and for the first time i know what i am not proud of.. that one thing i detest in me..

i am vulnerable..pathetically so..and for some wierd reason, they dint need any 'prior preparation' or 'protected and calculated invitation'.. they just conquered all that was left of me.

when You return, it seems alright again..

and i find You again..
its the same resonating phase..
the uncanny way in which You surface just the moment when You know when..
Your lingering presence is that comforting shrug around me..
wraps around perfect and holds me snug..
the very comfort i go back to..
when i feel so blue..
i thought i'd lost it somewhere..
was yearning for and missing its sweet fragrance..
sought it out yesterday and almost fought for it..
but tonight was the returns..
marked by your uncanny timings in sync of the precise moment..
and i hate to tell You this...
(and just as You know)
i lost my love to You, and can never take it back.

heavy heart flying high, happy tears in the eye.

i have grown up listening them say--"change is the only constant."

fortunately you never changed.. you have been the only sole "constant" force for me since the time we first met.. and looking back, it seems so surreal.. 9 years whizzzed by, and i just never realised.. coz, it seems like yesterday, when i see us like this.. sitting and giggling.. chatting and discussing.. girls and bitches.. i have never been so free with anyone before i met you.. and till date, you happen to be the ONE, with whom i can share everything..anything..beyond boundaries..since the very day we met, birthdays were never without you..ever..you coming was obviously mandatory..for both of us..us sitting in our favourite joints..happy and gay..

and yes, there have been changes..the places changed..but we never did.

first time i was sad, when you left school after 10th grade.. i felt 'robbed'..felt 'hollow'.. but i consoled myself, that we are in the same city.. and that always put a smile on my face..

my heart grieved when i left the city after 12th for college and hostel..the look on your face said it all what you couldn't say..i almost sobbed myself to bed everynight, but cheered up at the thought that i would be coming back home every vacation that i get..and i'll see you..and that was the only thing that held my tears back in my eyes..

my heart leaped with joy when i was back in the city--bags, baggages, et al.. coz we would be together again..

but my heart broke when you left the country.. and tears couldn't stay put and so they flowed.. and thus the first tear found its way down.. and thus began my long waits for your return..the anxious anticipation..somehow i managed to plug the flow with the thought that you'd come once a year for your exams.. that was the only consolation i was left with..and just for your return, i would wish fervently for your exam dates to be preponed, every time!

and now that i know that you are gonna start anew, my joy knows no bounds.. coz, for me, i still see you the way i saw you when we used to sit together and eat together..9 years back.. i'm overwhelmed and overjoyed for you.. but somewhere, my heart still grieves.. coz this time, you'll be gone forever.. gone without my 'assurances' that you'll come back.. and so, the tears find their way down, one more time.. but with a smile on my lips..

coz, wherever you may be, you'll still be Hans.. and i'll be Auroo.. and it will still be the same.. constant..♥

birthdays wont be the same ever.. but on the upside, i'll have you for all the advices now onwards..

and just that you know----"You Still Are The Sole Constant In My Life!"

nuts!

broken mirror,
seven years of bad luck..
im not superstitious..
but if something goes wrong,
it will be the first thing i'll put my blame on,
before i allow my rationale to catch up..

and so i say to thee---
please dun break the Mirror that i see..
coz i see a happy face-
and a pair of  shining eyes..

Mirror Mirror on the wall-
ever seen a Chimp and a Cow?

J***A**

audacity and impudence.. the primary two characters that goes on to describe my Jack(Ass) at this moment..

audacious and impudent.. the basic traits my Jack(Ass) is revealing to me right now..

because, of around two and a half months of exhibiting 'vanished-in-thin-air-wiped-off-the-surface-of-the-earth' syndrome, my Jack(Ass) surfaces again..

true, admittingly, that it has still not reached upto the initial and original average of 8 months..

this ain't any concession for my Jack(Ass)'s right for impudence..

he has the audacity to come up with "kidhar gayab?" to me!

(Missed you today, Langur.)

nothing spectacular about this day.. today.. nothing out of the ordinary.. in the day, so as to speak, or in my schedule.. its all like a clockwork.. perfect order.. schedules.. yet, there is a connection with a certain day in the times bygone.. fast rewind to a couple of years.. yes.. it was the same hot summer.. the same sun shining the same white.. the same warm wind blowing the same dust balls around..

the same lazy summer day.. the same sorta day tailor made apt for a spin outside in the cool insides.. same perfect day for the zoom on the tar stretch.. the same perfect day to see and go over the mirages as you zip by..

same apt day couple of years back.. i was in the cool insides of his white beauty.. rushing past all the mirages.. racing on the empty stretch of the sea-link.. the stereo blasting "saali khushi", "emotional atyachar".. the sun beating down.. bright and white.. nonchalance writ large.. all we cared was just being us.. same day.. today.. but not-same place.. same sun.. same white.. same bright.. same mirages.. same tar.. but not-same stretch.. his white beauty replaced with my black baby.. cool insides remaining same..

just one of those days, when i feel like taking my baby out for a spin on the sea-link and back.. the only thing--there's no sea here.. and so, no link.. but i have my baby with me.. so.. what the heck! a spin nevertheless!