thanksgiving!! my way :)

so, before the day ends.. i guess, i should be really "thankful" eventually..

so, here goes..
there are a lot of people to thank here.. and i guess, i am thankful for having such a long list too.. ;)

so, before, i get into those various people, i should start with myself.. the narcissist that i am...
i'm thankful for still being what i am..

and this brings upon the long list of people..
this year has been very temperamental, to say the least.. if i experienced the warm fuzzy feel i also had to endure the brazen coldness..
i am thankful for that person, for those warm fuzzy moments to begin my year with..(never thought i'll be even doing this..!) and thankful for those bitter and harsh cold times as well.. for that let me into the very true nature of his.. and now i'm wary, at the least, if not more..

my dearest love and darling, gf! you were there with me through laughter and tears.. the many tears that i shed, you never asked me the reason.. you never probed me for anything.. you were forever content with whatever little i told you.. and all you did, was figuring out those various ways, to take my mind off the sadness.. to make me smile.. thank you.. for those.. and everything else.. i love you.. and i miss you here.. *mmuuuaaahhhhh!*

my most beloved and dearest Meano.. the one person who never ever questions my horribly worse and pathetic skills of keeping in touch.. you had me at my worst.. and yet i was never kept wanting of love, whenever you're there.. you are special, in a way, i can never ever put down in words, however prolific i may be with the words otherwise.. and "i love you" doesn't even come close to even start to measure what you mean to me.. and yes, i do love you.. and i am thankful, for having you with me.. for bearing me.. for taking me with all my quirks and idiosyncrasies.. *kiddo loves you..!*

Bardidi.. now what can i say.. i am thankful for having her in my life since my very first moment on this mortal planet.. she's been my rock.. my support.. my pseudo-mom.. :) i love her.. for all that its worth... and there's nothing more that i can say about it here.. *sweety loves you!*

Paromadidi.. clone.. the perfect one that i'll ever gonna have! i miss you here.. and i rue the fact that i have to wait two whole damned years to see you.. but, you are always and have always been a part of me... wherever i am.. whatever i do.. and that too, without complaining! for all out monkey business, thank you ;)

and everyone else..(because, this will go on forever, if i continue taking individual names here)
i know, i am not a very easy person to deal.. neither a very open and forthcoming person.. i take a lot of time to warm up to people.. and even greater time to open up, however minuscule that 'opening up' may be..(which usually is almost negligible)
so, inspite of all these shortcomings and hindrances.. you all have still stuck with me.. so, a big BIG  thank you..! <3 <3

and i cant write anymore.. and this also doesn't even come close in doing any justice to the cause..
but i still owed it to the day.. one for the occasion..!

of you and i and everything in between

woke up to the sound of pouring rain
washed away a dream of you
but nothing else could ever take you away
'cause you'll always be my dream come true
remember yesterday, walking hand in hand
love letters in the sand, i remember you
through the sleepless night and every endless day
i'd want to hear you say, i remember you.

wise words

Fish, to taste right, must swim three times -- in water, in butter, and in wine.
-- Polish proverb.

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be beverage.
-- Woody Allen, Without Feathers.

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
-- Mark Twain

Life does not imitate art, it imitates bad television.
-- Woody Allen

I am in favor of censorship ‐ not against what is supposed to be sexy or dirty, but against what is idiotic.
-- Jean Renoir

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
-- Albert Einstein

A work of art has nothing to do with doctrine.
-- Eugene Ionesco

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. 
-- Frank Sinatra

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
-- Martin Luther King Jr.

Political correctness is tyranny with manners.
-- Charlton Heston

God and Country are an unbeatable team; they break all records for oppression and bloodshed. 
-- Luis Bunuel

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
-- Woody Allen

overrated R :: nothing but a mummer's farce.

your eyes meet.. your paths cross..
and all you do is gush and credit it all to "Destiny"..

nothing but a mummer's farce..

and there exists a very logical reason for this.. and i'd require you to stop gushing!

your paths cross because you are moving in opposite directions and your meet because each is looking at the road ahead!
and this has NOTHING to do with destiny.
period.

p.s. relationship is so damned overrated.. all but a mummer's farce..

ode to mobile photography

i like it when i'm praised for my amateurish photography..
and it pleases me to no ends when its all done via my mobile's camera..
agreed that, its one of the high end phones  in the market.. though not THE high end.. but still, it cuts the mark for the tech dino like me..!
agreed that, it boasts of the same MP as that of my digicam..
but it still stays as the mobile photography..
and yes, in the market of all the DSLR shots and frames, THAT praise is a definite lift up!
and best, when it comes from a critic!

and it reminds me of my previous and till date the most cherished phone ever.. and it seems almost like a decade now..
my then ex-boyfriend and me had the same phones.. his was the upgraded version and mine was the older version.. but it was still the same phone.. with the same phone "cameras"..! and this is when the mobile photography got a whole new perspective for the both of us..
it was during his stint as an exchange student in France, when he forgot to pack his camera along.. so, his stay of 6 months, was neatly and extensively captured by the N95 camera..
and THAT was our moment of love, with our phone(s)..

so yes, mobile photography kinda beats everything!
and my current mobile, definitely cuts the edge! fosho!

being "candid"

i'm beginning to develop a strong distaste for all the staged "photography" (running in plural, actually) that invariably and without any mistake at that, goes by the banner name of "candid pre-wedding/wedding/post-wedding shots"..in fact, the distaste gets stronger by many folds and leaps and bounds with each new 'notification' bearing the same said name (sic)..

c'mon people.. you know you have paid a very handsome amount of money to that person to take those shots of yours.. you are asked to "look there", "smile", "make your eyes droop", "ogle" and all the what-nots and the likes of those..

so, how can that be a "candid" shot when there is NOTHING candid about the shot, per se? when the very said shot is being 'sculpted'? structured with the precision of a bone surgeon about the looks/clothes/colors/hairs/ornaments and even smile? and i'm not even going to the hands and legs position/nail paint etc..

i agree.. the shots are good.. the people within the shots are made to look fabulous.. the lens work is awesome.. and the attention to detail is to the point..

but where does "candid" gets to feature here?
or is it a brand gimmick?

PseudoBong diaries

they adorn their wrist with the "Iron"
the left wrist
they
the ladies
married ladies
the Bong wives
a custom they happily submit to.. why would anyone in their right minds give up on the chance of a jewellery?
adorning their wrist, after all
hail custom
good wives.

i wear the "iron"
though not much of an adornment
not married either
don't really get qualified as the 'conventional' good, either
rat's ass to the customs.

so, is this the BongRoots creeping in? getting the better of me? sneaking up on me?

the voice

and there he was.. terribly hassled and harassed.. broken down with weariness.. the irritating snuffles in the nose and the punctuating sneeze in between.. there he was.. bearing down and yet as if he was being borne down.. angry.. tired.. supremely messed up..
there he was.. trying to gather his sole bit of comfort for the day from that one phone call.. a couple hundred miles afar.. and he was rambling.. he was trying to get it all off.. all at once..
and there he was.. angry with himself.. angry about the people surrounding him.. almost snapping at the guard when frisked for security.. cursing at the black skies overhead for the rain.. and still holding on to the call.. like that warmth from the flickering flame.. the last bit of it..

and there i was.. as if i was immediately transported to where he was standing.. in that glass window building.. in that empty and deserted parking lot.. in front of him waiting by his Pegasus, whilst he struggled with his raincoat, swearing under his breath.. there i was, messing with his hair in that way he liked.. listening to him as he went on and on..

and it was suddenly when he had to hang up, that i came back to where i was.. sitting in front of the luminescent screen of this laptop.. strange.. how that one voice still transports me back and forth in time.. effortlessly!

my architects..for life!

because, there has been a lot of people coming in to my life..
because, there has been an awfully lot of people who tried (and some still trying) to make a difference in my life (or, a difference to my life..)

Mrs.A, for tuning me for all the sweet melodies..
an another Mrs.A, for polishing me further in the tunes..
Mrs.P, for matching steps with me..
Mr.K and Mrs.A, for all my (present)scribblers..
Mrs.R, for making the cells a bit bearable..
Mr.D, for making the graphs come alive..
Mrs.N, for the words to come and flow..
my Deutschkurs lehreninnen, for allowing my quirks to flow in a complete foreign language..

my most beloved sister-in-law, for instilling the love for Enid Blyton..
my most beloved Bulla, for sharing life's most fundamental secrets..
my most beloved Clone, for inspiring and taking part in my monkey dreams and acts, galore..
my most beloved Big-Sister, for being the 'mother' with whom i can share my boyfriend secrets and to whom i can always come home to..
my most illustrious Kaku, for introducing me to the life's dark pleasures, and letting me be a party to them..
my Mamma, for putting up with me...

and of course, Pops, for giving me the most important lesson-- how to live life king size!

this is your day today! exclusively yours..!!!!
A VERY HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY!!!!!
Love Forever.
:):):):)

the player(s)

their's was a game
a game oft played
the tug of war
'twas named
and so very aptly too..

he pulled.. she pulled.. they both pulled..
but the game never lived..

away, it was.. the pulling, that is..
he pulled "away"
she pulled "away"
from each other, that is..
but never together..
almost alternating..

they might as well have pushed..
if "away" was where they wanted to head..

at least the game would have lived..
may be, not as the "tug of war"
but a "push and shove"..

thoughts and clouds

and then there used to be days when she'd allow her thoughts to just go to him.. randomly.. for no rhyme or reason.. she'd simply be sitting and the next thing that she'd realize, would be her head swarming with the 'thought-pictures' of him.. sometimes, of even "them".. "Him" and "Her".. after all, it wasn't a really long time back when they did spend a good long weekend together.. a weekend which was of immense significance to her..

and it was in those "thoughtful" moments, she wondered that day----"does he also think about me?"

her phone was agitated.. couple of angry jolts of vibrations against the hard metal surface..

"can't sleep.. just can;t sleep.."

there was the answer.
she just didn't know whether it was Hers for taking..

for all of you..

yes.. this is exactly what the title is all about..
for the all of you out there..
all 400-odd one of you.. :)
that is all the 400-odd of you 'listed'.. n then, there are also those of you who are not so "listed".. but this goes out to you as well..
'some' were good, while they last(ed).. 'some' were good, when they happen(ed).. 'some' came with promises, that were meant to be broken.. 'some' came with promises of "till death do us apart"..
'some' are there in spirit, 'some' in thoughts.. 'some' physically present.. 'some' only via the phone calls and video chats..
'some' in dreams, and 'some' in fond memories.. 'some' are missed in the coffee shops, and for 'some'(one's absence), bitching-gossiping is toned down..
'some' is loved..

and i figured, one day can never be enough to tell you all, what you all have been to me.. nor can one post come anyway closer in doing that..

but 'convention' demands.. and 'some'one did point me out "convention is a bitch"..!

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY!

{p.s. for all those who did make a mark.. you always know where n how to reach..!}

love.. hugs.. kisses..
xoxox

6 months

I feel like damaged goods..
I'm damaged goods..
But things are getting better & I feel much better than 6 months ago..
Are we all damaged goods?
Do we all contrive to live our lives with broken parts?
I know things will get better..
I have faith in that..

cold reply

she almost jumped with joy when the doorbell rang.. 1800 hrs.. the only person to beckon at that hr had to be the courier.. and yes, that was THE reason of joy..
she signed off the package and shut the door.. ran to her room top speed.. she was getting late for her classes.. prior commitments.. she scoured her room, rather, her messy room, for a safe and apparently secret place to hide her package..
it bore his name.. it bore his handwriting.. it bore her name in his hand.. after 7 years.. the familiar curves, dots and the lines..and the feeling was priceless..7 years..and still, it took her breath away..skipped a beat..

she knew what was in it.. a fortnight back only she had posted it to him.. and so, this was just the returning.. her book.. her priceless treasure.. her one-of-the-favorites.. eventually going on to become one of his as well..
choices..they still manage to coincide..

fiddling fingers and scissors.. yes.. he had been very careful in packing.. he treasured her treasure.. he promised her.. he kept his.. snip-snip.. the book.. just the way she had sent it.. she was glad.. she now shares something precious with him. and she has something of him with her.. his essence.. his touch.. and the book will always bear the testimony.. she decided, she could live with that.. she was happy to live with that.. another look at the cover in which it came.. careful plastic wrapped.. taped.. cello-tape..just the way it's perfect.. and there was the surprise.. her surprise.. from him..

a white ruled sheet of paper of a scribble pad..
and she knew what was in it.. and she couldn't believe her eyes..

a letter from a person who doesn't believe in letters.. she realised she was grinning like a person who is stoned on grass.. she didn't care.. she could care less.. she could even care less about the grass.. she had his letter.. a letter for her..

happiness was never defined in any better way than what was writ large on her face then..

her immediate action was some furious hitting of letters on the virtual keypad on her touchscreen.. yes.. she had to let him know.. he had to know.. she thought she could manage it in one.. mistaken.. two.. three.. four.. four texts.. she could have gone even further.. but she stopped.. he is out travelling.. having fun.. meeting friends.. she dint wanna be the intruder.. yet.. she couldn't stop replying.. four is enough..

she knew her messages won't be reaching him in a hurry.. nor did she expect any reply(sic)..

four hours later..she was caught off-guard with her phone flashing that colored l.e.d.. a reply.. his name.. his reply.. she had her hopes high.. she got her hopes high.. big mistake..

three words.. that was all that was there.. and she came hurtling back in the white flash of the reality..
good to know.. 

'clone'd memory

july 2007..

it was midnight madness.. our silent din behind the closed doors of our room, were not apparently silent enough, as they allowed a peek into our madness.. the spy got a view (which later made it way in the form of a very illustrative and colourful narrative to the much loyal naniji's ears), and so did the night birds.. and we might even have scared some of those oft wandering petty thieves of the neighbourhood!

and it was all about the clone trying to drill the Environmental Science shitness into my skull.. some mere 24 hrs before i was scheduled to pour it all out on the university exam answer sheets..

6 years on..
july 2013..

its the same shitness that i'm staring into.. only difference this time its a 100 marks paper.. its more "legal".. its the same fight going way into the night.. the din is more metaphorical.. with no petty neighbourhood thieves to scare, except for the bad dreams and demons within.. and no clone for the madness breaks either..

just me staring into the rylands-fletcher's case.. its water pollution all over gain..
shitness..
encore!


p.s. damn you! why the hell dun i get to see you more often than as compared to once in two years, and that too for a collective of 24 hrs? 

once-upon-a-time's fond memories turned bitter :(

once upon a time, darling,
we were everything.

we were bright smiles and grins, laughter and happiness.
we were late nights and bleary eyes, frantic typing and breathless words.

we were the idiosyncratic combination,
the flawed perfection.

we were so much, darling, and now we are so little.

we could become so much more, but perhaps we never will.


p.s. because i promised, there will be no more of "YOU n I"..and keep this promise, i will..

fashion faux pas!

i bet, i was an eye-sore for all those fashionistas that i was surrounded with on that moonlit night..

ivory white dress + red bangles + black earrings + royal blue bag + pink ballerinas + sparkly blue kohl!!!!!


perfect silver mis-natch!

and i admit, retrospection is a very powerful too!

*madness personified!

calender 2014

as of today, that's how January, 2014 reads to me:

• Bombay
• Delhi
• Bangalore
• Hyderabad

to say, these are the 'main' stops.. 

Bombay, definitely, goes without any saying.. home + heart + love + soul..

also, the new year, plus the birthday.. in fact, it might even run in the plural, if i can make it.. *wink!

Delhi, for the girl.. for the long awaited meet, gossip, talks, shares, love, and a hell lotta plans.. another indispensable for the winter.. *love!

Bangalore, now, Bengaluru, is more of a desire.. for celebration.. for making up of the lost time in (our) last meet.. for our omnipresent plans of taking a trip to anywhere.. *giggles!

Hyderabad.. well, well.. what else can i say.. was in the cards for Jan 2013.. the logistics didn't match (then).. had to deal with angry faces, sour moods and sharp jibes.. so, it's like a by-default carry forward.. though, i'm pretty sure, the consequences of a failure will be maximized manifold.. so, better not be a failure this time around.. *chuckles!

and of course, there are some other in-betweens.. there's a wishful thinking of Jaipur and Agra, along with Delhi.. which is entirely the spinsters or the hen plans.. again, wishful thinking, as of now.. *sigh!

and then of course, pretty much certain that the Hyderabad, will have other strings attached.. *grins!

and when there's a Bombay listed, there can be a very big and bright chance for Pune, as well.. {#Serendipity ,someone?! notwithstanding, the never ending conversation over the never ending refills of coffee!} plus, of course, and ALWAYS, the M features.. *mvah!

and if everything goes as per clockwork, or even otherwise, the Birthday and the Madness, never really can be afar.. *craziness!

so, that's my January..

the way it reads now..

still sometime for the countdown.. but who cares, yours truly, has already begun hers.. *ecstatic!

"farewell"

Wherever you're going
I wanna go
Wherever you're heading
Can you let me know
I don't mind catching up
I'm on my way
Just can't take the thought of you miles away

I will write to tell you what's going on
But you won't miss nothing but the same old song
If you don't mind catching up
I'll spend the day telling you stories about a land far away
But I know

And I know you're going somewhere to make a better life
I hope that you find it on the first try
And even though it kills me
That you have to go
I know it'll be sadder
If you never hit the road

And I'm gon' try to hold it all in
Try to hold back my tears
So it don't make you stay here, yeah
I'mma try to be a big girl now
Cause I don't wanna be
The reason you don't leave

Farewell
Somebody is gonna miss you
Farewell
Somebody is gonna wish that you were here
Farewell
Somebody is gonna miss you
Farewell
Somebody is gonna wish that you were here
That somebody is me

am I? are You? will You? Should WE?

"he is a good guy.. he's a very good person person.. i like him.. i spoke to him.. and i know that he's a good one.. i'm happy for you, baby..", she told me this.. she kept on telling this to me whenever i doubted myself.. doubted about the 'company'..

there were a few startling revealations.. startling, i say, because, i never really saw them coming out in the broad daylight(metaphoriacally).. but they did anyway.. they did as if they were meant to be.. and the days following those, were like a dream.. a constant company.. no explanations to anyone.. no questions asked.. no answers sought.. no curious eyes following around.. it was as if the most natural and obvious things to be around..

or was it?

or was it only me that found all these a bit too "obvious" for the people around to be so oblivious to it?

dont get me wrong here.. im not opposing this (sic), per se.. im not avoiding it either.. i never avoided it even then.. never had any inclinations for that either.. but i cant halp but be sceptic.. cynical even, to some extent.. because, howsoever obvious it may be, howsoever natural-a-happening it may seem for others (concerned, or otherwise) around, it still scares me.. blame it on my scars from the previous rubbings.. sadly though, they had been far deeper than most.. and they dun heal.. at least, they havent yet.. not completely.. and thats where the cynicism creeps in.. thats where the being sceptic comes to the fore..

more than getting hurt (by someone's accord) or hurting myself(by being blindly foolish), im scared to hurt the good person that he is.. im pertrified to scar the nice person that he has been to me.. always and throughout.. till now.. i'm scared to lose a perfectly beautiful happy-place-moment of me.. 

or maybe i wont.. i wont really lose it at all.. maybe, im being really sceptic here.. stringent even, may be..

i know he is good.. he has been good.. ALWAYS.. even more that just good.. but is it too good to be true? and thats where i go back more steps than i can take forward.. im scared.. scared because i cant see what lies ahead..

and im scared to go down a path where i cant see where my next footing is going to be..

so she tells me, "you don't know.. you won't know, unless you take that step.. take a leap of faith.. you gotta have a little faith, baby..".

so, am i supposed to take that leap of faith?

can i believe that you'll be there to hold me when i fall, if i fall?

are you really meant for that leap of faith? 

can i even let myself go along with the flow of the "we"?

or will i be hurt again, such that i never get up ever?

so, tell me..

am I?

are You?

will You?

should WE?

I Don't Think I Love Very Many Things

I don't think I love very many things, but here are the one's that i can think of..

I love the first sip
of coffee in the morning

I love reading someone
else's words and finding
a connection in them

I love the feeling a
good song invokes

I love wondering

I love driving at night
with no destination

I love the gentle kind
of sadness like a reminder
that I can feel

koto din..

koto din bunny k niye shuini
koto din shuye shuye boi porini
koto din kichu karor jonne aakini
koto din karaoke session hoyeni
koto din bhalo chhobi tulini
koto din o'ke dekhini
koto din cinema dekhini
koto din ghumoini
koto din'black love'-er saathe ghurini
koto din douroini
koto din coffee khaini(!!?!!)
koto din ghaash kaatini
koto din kichhu-i korini..

shei..
oi r ki..
koto din..

#madness to all who knows what all the above 'REALLY" signify! :-p

silver

there were clouds in the sky.. white against the contrasting blue.. the sky blue perfection.. i felt like im the character in the jack and the bean stalk and im high up in the clouds.. warm cotton fluffs.. reminded me of cotton candy in the fairs of calcutta..

there was wind in the air.. strong gale kind of winds.. on your face.. forceful.. the hair all around your face..

then there was rain.. downpour, drizzle, lazy rains, lovely rains, walk-in-the-rains-holding-hands kind of rain, perfect-beer-weather rain..

the moon.. shining and bright.. silvery.. the moon came out two nights in a row..

and then there was the sea.. making its way among the rocks.. black and shimmery.. glistening in the moon light..

and there was love!


the bestest weekend of my life.. with the loveliest people in my life..
silver moments stays forever..
*love*

s******s

because, you will never know when i tell you that i love you.
because you will never know what it means to me to love you.
because you will never know how it hurts when i can no longer keep it confined in me.
because you will never know how i wish that you know.

fondly....in retrospective

he is responsible for everything.. and he has his share in everything.. and in magnanimous amount..
responsible

he painted my picture of how "he" is supposed to be.. and i believed that "he" is always supposed to be like my "picture".. and all the "he"s are supposed to be like my "picture".. so when, my fellow mates gave me a picture of "him" that was different from mine, i never believed that it could ever be possible! that was my degree of conviction.. and i still have the "picture".. fresh as ever.. painted forever in my mind and soul.. i close my eyes, and i still picture "him" like that.. and that is my earliest and my very first memories of "him"..
and even way back then, that's how i believed, "Dad"s are supposed to be!

i see him in crisp sky blue half sleeved shirt, neatly combed hair, leaning over me to kiss me good-bye, and leaving for office at 0830.. he'll come back home at 2000, and he's supposed to seek me out, the first thing.. i may be under the bed, behind the doors, in the dark store-room, under the table, squished between the tiny gap of the two trunks.. and he always finds me! and then, we'll go together to keep his briefcase, aim his socks and kerchief, all rolled in a ball, to the clothes basket with a kick! and then, we'll both wash our hands with generous amount of soap and dry them off.. then he'll sit for tea, and i'll sit for dinner.. he'll brush my teeth, and then tuck me in, with the parting words,"goodnight.. sweet dreams.. see you!"

that's my perfect "picture".. and it's only now, i realise that he had set a very high standard for himself.. and for all other "Dad"s to match..

the "picture" is still pretty much the same.. except that he has now ditched those sky blue half sleeved shirts, and now dons his favourite checkered blue Arrow.. and sometimes some other colours as well.. he now looks at the 'bright' sides.. he'll still call out his 'good-byes' to the sleepyhead me while leaving for office.. and if i'm not home when he returns, he makes it a point to wait up for me.. the hide-n-seek has traded places with long conversations, saddled with jokes and puns and sarcasm all over.. and the 'goodnights' have undergone a role reversal.. he is the one to crash before me..

but everything else is still the same..

he is still the best man that i'm fortunate enough to cross paths with..

he may not be the 'world's' best dad.. but he is the Best for me.. and he is the World for me..!

sweet treat fix

Chocolate Cake with Raspberries

Ingredients:

• 250 gms raspberries fresh (i suppose, even canned or frozen should work)
• 1 egg
• 100 ml coffee expresso (you can help yourself to a few extra mls on the sides as well, as my coffee addict partner does  unabashedly)
• 120 gms chocolate chopped into small pieces (need i say anything on this?)
• 120 gms butter
• 90 gms sugar\
• 2 tbsp cocoa powder
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 100 gms flour

Instructions:

• pour the coffee in a pot and add the sugar and butter..
• remove from the heat when melts and add the grated chocolate..
• sift the flour with the baking powder and cocoa powder and mix them with the chocolate mixture until smooth..
• add the egg and mix again..
• the baking tray should be around 18 cm in diameter.. grease it with oil and place baking paper on top.. pour half of the mixture on the tray..
• spread the raspberries and pour the other half of the mixture..
• bake in pre-heated oven 180-190 C for approximately 50 mins..
• the ready cake can be decorated by more raspberries or chocolate topping, made by melting 100 gms of milk chocolate..

easy non-fussy and sinfully delightful chocolate cake!

fiddling fingers when it rains

idle mind, lazy afternoon, fiddling fingers, intriguing phone, inquisitive nature and an 8 MP camera..

and an added bonus, when it pours..
starting off with overcast skies, followed by a light drizzle giving way to big drops rain.. and of course, a splattered window pane..

and a window overlooking one of the most amazing views..

when i see green..through the rain sprayed window pane..

beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.. and at times through the picturesque window of my room  and of course, a camera at the disposal always helps  

blue stands out.. 

happiness when it rains..
:)

desolate land rains

and then of course, there are times, when this shithole of a place manages to tug at the strings of my heart and soul..
some soulful moments stolen from the otherwise crazy hectic itinerary..

colossal mass of grey fluff  

the lone Doordarshan tower stands out

clear demarcation.. not very often..rarity..

panoramic view from the balcony..

and times like this, the flat in the top floor seems to be the best place to be.. the balcony, the window-ledge (just wide enough to fit only your posterior, so that no one else can claim the spot), the big-broad yellow mug--that says "my coffee strongest"--brimming with the warm comforts of the black coffee with its intoxicating aroma wafting its way through the room and around..

joie de vivre at barir chhaad    

bliss..

uncomplicated..

An Ode to June!

June..
it has always felt like home..
felt like i belong here..
like, of the 12 pages in the calender, the photo of June always seemed to be the most appealing.. and mind you, they were all random calenders.. ranging from the ONGC's safety calender with funny illustrations (akin to those of Mario Miranda's) to the awesome photography ones from Punj Lloyd (places, people, portraits, wildlife) to even the miniature ones from Hyundai..
June was always able to capture my attention..
in fact, as far as i remember, continuing even to this day, the first thing i do to a new calender is to flip over the pages to June.. :)
so, June is special..

also, has the longest day of sunlight..
its the midway of the usually long year.. so, after June, everything assumes a mach speed and just whizzes past..

the places i have lived in and the place where my soul lives, always gets the first rain in June..

it has my BFF's birthday.. :) and just a few days apart..
it gave me my first reason of joy in an alien land 6 years back..
it gave me my summer-fling! ;)
it gave me my most special birthday with the most special person..
it gave me my best birthday too..
i turned 23 on 23 in June..

June is always special..
like, the special place in time, you always want to go?
yes..
that's June for me..

and so it is--
"An Ode to June"

the orthodox paradox

"pen friend"
well, the time that i am from--and mind you, im not in my forties, reminiscing about the bygone would-have-beens--pen-friend was a part of a fantasy.. it was weaved as a character from a land where everything else is super awesome functionality efficient.. where all you need is a post box number.. and that's all that is necessary for two people to weave in the most beautiful world of theirs.. away from all prying eyes.. where no names were involved.. but a separate and special identities were carved.. where each poured out their hearts in that limited square white paper.. no postman jhol and lafdas.. no mail mess ups.. everything was a clockwork..

i was introduced to 'pen-friend' via my world of books.. enid blyton, probably.. dun remember exactly now.. and i fantasized.. i'm talking about the time, when i was barely four feet high.. still wearing pinafores and black buckled shoes to school.. still having pops to lug around my backpack.. that was me then.. and i wished.. wouldnt it so grand if i also had one of those? to whom i can write and who can write me back.. well, i had no dearth of people to write to, and who would have written back and vice-versa.. but a 'pen friend' was what i wished for.. and since, there was no way i could have got one, i created an imaginary one.. and i wrote.. two ways.. wrote my letters.. and wrote the pen-friend's replies to me.. and boy, it was so much fun.. it was my little secret.. stacks of paper, stashed away in the corner of the book shelf.. i even used those glitter pens to spruce things up, occasionally.. and it was so much fun..

watching 'pen-friends' for 'real' in the movies, made me yearn for that in my life all the more.. but by then, i was a foot or so taller and 'grown-up'.. and i realised that it wont happen.. and i accepted that.. though by then, reading those "letter exchanges" would always have me in splits.. yes, they were hilarious..

then comes the advent of "chat" in my life.. a big scary place where you meet and talk to even strangers.. but that somehow never made me comfortable.. and i never did that.. so, the idea of 'pen-friend', always remained at that.. an idea.. a wish.. a fantasy..

but until now..
true.. this doesn't fit into the classical definition of a pen friend.. because, we both ain't really "strangers" or "unknown" to each other.. we have a "common" person.. we don't really write "to" each other.. and yes, all our exchanges are over the white screen of the laptop..
but we still are strangers for each other..we know our names.. we know where we live.. to a certain extent, we know what we do.. and we know how we look.. and that's it.. rest everything we don't know.. i don't know.. and somehow that never bothered.. for some reason, we can start and continue a random conversation over a mundane topic.. and if you closely look into the heart of the matter, that's what pen friends do.. they just share stuffs.. they have written conversations.. they both have a common platform of thoughts..

and i have known--trust me--not everyone possess the skill for conversation.. its an art.. and somehow, this one satisfies.. its good to carry on with the flow of conversation with this one.. this one knows how to say it and when to say it.. this one doesn't substitute "than" in place of "then" and then argue that its the same.. this one knows to dot the i's and strike the t's.. this one is not a pain to the ears and a sacrilege to the eyes.. this one reminds me of my fantasy of a pen friend..

and to a certain extent, this one, is, my pen-friend..
all we exchange is always in writing.. we are officially strangers (still).. and we dot the i's and strike the t's, over our common platform..

"Mediary Thought"

It's as if I'm not there

Filled with hope and then despair

An adequate state of know-not-what

A blank___ a slash/ a dash- a dot.

I lie as if I am awake

And walk with dreams I can't partake

I tarry forth back to and fro

Not knowing whence I came from, or where to go.

I slowly slip into the mist

Question things I can't resist

Scribbling lines upon the fog

Conversations with no dialogue.

This limbo is my winter estate

A solemn entrance to natures gate

I'm waiting for this mist to rise

To drift along with no surprise.

Deriving life from other things

Soaking up what nature brings

And in that mediary thought

I catch a glimpse of all that's naught.

Tonight I sat under the moon

It's getting fuller all too soon

But it was nice to simply rest

And imbibe all that's truly blessed.

These days have been my saving grace

Journeying through life at a steady pace

Planting ideas like little seeds

Hoping someday to eat the fruits of these deeds.

I'm off now to return

To my dreams where I shall learn

Of places been and lives forgot

Lessons learned and soul songs taught.

source : The Correspondence of Harper and Madeleine

"life's little pleasures" ^_^

1. the scrumptious residue left on your fingers after eating Doritos or Cheetos products.
2. completing a form on the internet without missing a required field, on the first attempt..
3. the smell of rain..
4. months with three paydays.. those who get paid bi-weekly know what i'm talking about, three cheques in a month is always splendid..
5. lying in bed with freshly washed sheets..
6. getting cut-off by an overanxious driver, then pulling up right next to them moments later at a red light..
7. having an exact change to pay for something..
8. sticking that leg out from underneath the blanket and feeling just right..
9. happy hour at bars and restaurants..
10. movie previews full of trailers you have never seen..
11. removing all of the shell of a boiled egg in one try..
12. the moments the credits hit when someone forced you to watch a boring movie for the past hour and a half..
13. dancing in the car and reciting entire songs, making noises to recreate instrument solos..
14. that first intense body stretch after waking up..
15. funnel cakes and churros..
16. making babies and little kids laugh..
17. correctly choosing the quickest check-out line at the grocery store or the fastest moving lane on the road..
18. the smell of bacon.. the taste of bacon.. not to beat a dead pig but everything about bacon..
19. getting wrapped snugly in blankets when its freezing cold..
20. spontaneous adventures.. plans are good, spur of the moment is better..
21. waking up, checking the clock and seeing that you have plenty of sleep time left..
22. laughing at something so hard that you cry.. or laughing so hard that no noise comes out.. if one of these two things happen, you are having a ball..
23. driving over little hills in the car and getting the mini roller coaster feeling..
24. having someone exiting the bathroom directly in front of you, so you don't have to touch the unsanitary door handle..
25. talking in a fake accent, e.g., "ello luff = hello love"
26. clocking out of work when you are off for the weekend..
27. when plans you din't want to attend get cancelled..
28. finding money you didn't know you had in your pocket..
29. the anticipation and hype on days before a big vacation or trip somewhere..
30. finishing a chap-stick..
31. night time drives..
32. catching a song you enjoy on the radio, right as it starts..
33. putting in two-weeks notice at a job you hate..
34. finally lying in bed after an exhausting day..
35. waking up, feeling extremely thirsty, and having water nearby to quench it..
36. getting home so late that the sun is coming up..
37. landing the gas pump on the precise amount you wanted.. not 10 cents over, but directly on it..
38. the additional french-fries at the bottom of the bag..
39. the other side of the pillow..
40. the relief of taking your bra off after a long day of wearing it..
41. the relief of taking your shoes and socks off, after a long day of wearing them..
42. opening presents.. the gift doesn't necessarily have to be amazing if you have wrapped it, bearing that tearing off the paper in anticipation is 75% of the pleasure..
43. the bond shared by two people over a mutual disdain for another individual..
44. the smell of gasoline..
45. the various bottles of booze and beer left in your refrigerator after hosting a party..
46. making a witty comment that draws a lot of laughs and even surprises you..
47. asking a question on Google and seeing it finish your words, meaning there are others out there wondering the same thing as you..
48. doing something for hours and then returning to a phone full of text messages and missed calls..
49. late night/early morning conversations with good friends..
50. and having a partner in crime to have shared all the above with!!!

a new wall

i want the change of address to happen soon..
i need the change of address to happen fast.. yes.. i need it.. and i need it fast..

there's a significant pile of lead-on-paper coming up  in my shelves.. it just so happens, that the occurrence of the event of lead-on-paper also increases in frequency during the whereabouts of the 'tests'.. and fortunately/unfortunately and irrespective of my incessant cribbing about the same, they seem to go on at a regularly uniform pace, if not with increased frequency.. and so, resulting in a significant rise in the pile of lead-on-paper.. and a proportionate decrease in the unleaded paper..

i need the change of address only because that will be giving me my own wall.. completely and entirely at my disposal.. to adorn it with my scribblers.. and name it the Scribbling Wall..

and it doesn't stop here.. there's still a love door to construe and a lot of random love wall sections to be done.. and of course, on the choice of colors..

so all i'm saying here is--

i NEED the change of address pretty darn soon.. and who would have thought, walls can make such a significance.. well, except probably for the prisoners..

anthem

i do not grant my love without reason, nor to any chance passer-by who may wish to claim it..
i honour men with my love..
but honour is a thing to be earned...

'sweet' love

i'm never a food person.. well, i was never a food person to begin with in the first place.. so, me and food don't get to feature together.. and if it ever does, it's probably accompanied by the booze.. yeah! and so they know.. those who matter..

so, the fact that i'm putting down a food post is definitely a first..  a food post wherein i'm not the chef.. a food post wherein i'm in fact gushing about, or, about to do so--the gushing about part--the "food"!

and it all starts with the humble sandwich.. trivia, the 'sandwich', the humble foot-long sandwich has been glorified in a glorious manner by Ted, Lily, Marshal in HIMYM! you'll know what i'm talking about if you follow HIMYM.. for rest of you who don't, well, i'm sorry.. you'll miss out on the innuendo..

this one, is not the glorified version.. nope.. it is still the humble and austere sandwich.. gooey with all the sauces dripping through it.. making the wrapping paper super soggy.. you can't eat it without having a sauce beard around your lips.. and its fundamentally essential that you lick your fingers with every bite, of you intend to keep your super awesome phone and satchel grease-free..

yes, i know.. this one looks nothing like the description above.. regarding the messy part.. because, this was taken before the final wrap! i managed to 'bribe' the fellow behind the counter to cross the line and go to the other side, just to take this picture.. yeah, perks of being a girl, you tell me that!

and voila! its all worth everything! my super awesome sandwich!

and no.. my food din't just stop at this.. after all, if you have the favourite company, sweetness becomes all the more mandatory.. and sweet it was.. in spite of the fact that i'm not a dessert person.. never been for that matter.. but, i dig for yogurt.. and a frozen yogurt spells sweet paradise for me.. girls, after  all.. i'm sure, you get the point, don't you?

sweet, bright, colourful, crunch, creamy, tangy---you just name it.. and it was all there! the best part, it was valued by the weight of it and not the flavour!!!! and we simply dug in! after all, we had cream-n-cookies, mango, orange and blueberry with chocolate chips, chocolate stick, almonds, canned blueberry, canned mango slivers along with those transparent pinkish and yellowish balls--i don't know what they were, but they were awesome-- to keep ourselves and out mouth super busy and engaged for the next half hour.. 

and we polished them both! almost licked the cups! and the best part, unlike conventional ice-creams, these don't turn liquid!

and thus i wrap my food extravaganza..

well, a girl's got to eat, after all.. ain't she?