"the words of an Addict"

addiction.. a word that can have a varied connotations.. a word which i chose to to give a very convenient connotation -- that of 'habits'.. and this convenience is largely attributable to my otherwise highly depleting vocabulary combined with the epitome of laziness that i tend to hit, more often than not, to even move my ass to the shelf where my prized Merriam-Webster sits proud and shuffle its pages in the search for the above mentioned point of interest.. which happens to be, again, Addiction!

and in fact, this word has got a kind of a magical ring to it.. and NO.. im NOT hinting at any puns (sic)! coz that in itself will take me along in an entirely different lead *chuckle!, which, i will lay off for the moment..

so coming back to it.
unfortunately, save the 'addict' in question, people around the said addict are always on the look out of getting rid of the addict's addiction.. "for your own good", that's what they always say.. and i was no different either..

you'd say that all this is probably the 'withdrawal' notions doing the rounds.. i'd say no.. its not that.. there's a whole lot of real estate of feelings and emotions between the-time-you're-deprived-of-the-addiction and the-time-when-the-withdrawal-urges-come-to-play.. so believe me, i'm actually talking about that vast space in between..

for me, it feels as if i'm suddenly stripped.. of everything.. i might even be as well stripped off my clothes, 'coz that's probably the closest i can get in terms of articulating the exact feel of it (again, this is wholly attributable to my above mentioned and highlighted cause of amplified laziness.. my Merriam-Webster still sitting proud)..

and i feel, as if everything has lost its very purpose..

so the bottom line i need to have a companion in the form of a bookmark sticking out of the pages of a 4-inch thick book, somewhere from in between of the pages, always in front of my eyes.. constantly.. and that. is the most calming effect that i have ever known in my whole life.. to know that i still have more than half of it to devour all by myself.. to know that, i can always slip down to that awesome world among those pages and shut myself out from any and everybody else.. to know that i'm always "home".. and that, is precisely when the withdrawal surges in..

as for me, my hectic schedule, courtesy damned studies, doesn't allow me to dwell uninterruptedly in the comforts of those.. it  makes me super grumpy and i crib incessantly.. just like a chain smoker who is trapped in a 'no-smoking' building.. so, even when i am going nuts and haywire with the externals, the very sight of the bookmark sticking out from the corner of the book calms me down.. its like, coming home to the love! and call me crazy, but i'm quite happy to lose a few hours of the precious sleep over a little time with my beloved.. just like the way the smoker feels with the first long drag after the forced abstinence..

so, what made me come out with this now?
well, just the fact that yesterday evening, i was done with the one that i had for company, inspite and amidst my insanely crazy schedule of otherwise, and as soon as i shut it close, i was engulfed and overwhelmed with the feeling of being stripped.. as if i'm stark naked!

and then i realised.. that is, till the withdrawals made its way through..
and, the voyage among the real estate of feelings and emotions, are saved for some other time.. :)

yes then..
i'm an addict..
a very proud one..
and, for my credit, i have given a real hard time to some people on account of my addiction..
people have tried to get rid of mine..

but then again.. its for a reason they say this.. once an addict.. always an addict..

:)