the beginning of the End--and a new Beginning

so i finally live to live the last day of 2012!

and the status follows thus:

• i'm a couple of kilos lighter..
• i'm a couple of inches narrower..
• the eyes have sunk a couple milimeters deeper within..
• the dark had become darker by a couple notches..
• the hair is long (of course!) and oilier than what it was the beginning of the week..

and all this in the last 6 days.. to say, that my year ending has been eventful, would be to say the very least!

end of the never-ending egg-jams (finally, and at long last), the first conversation to follow immediately after submission of the paper with 16.1, detailed sweet nothings, a long drive all by myself on the awesome highway (the one good thing that makes me proud of Narendra Modi) and with the prospective plans of a new year meet with 16.1 in the making..

sure, my ultimate day of the year cant get any better..

an the start of the coming year, is gonna be the bestest one in many years to follow..

ushering in the new year in the city i love.. Bombay..

ushering the new year with the person i love (absolutely)..

living in the new year with the favourite person in the favourite place!

NO, it just can't get any better than this!

so, looking forward to all the celebrations--birthday, celebrating a decade, new year, girls-time-out, catching up with old friends and exploring the soul city and drinking in the air.. and even before all of this, starting the year with spending that little time in the day, packed with a zillion precious moments, with the special one.. *love*

yes..

so, wishing everyone a very safe, merry and brightly lit new year!
stay happy always:)

cheers!

for you--always and forever!

we started out as the skinny 15 year olds.. stark opposites of each other..

opposites in every aspect.. i was the 'darker' one and you were the 'white'.. hell yeah! literally.. i mean it.. i was the kiddish and you were the mature one..  lecturing me more often than not on how to  be and behave, what to say and what not to! explaining me the meanings of most of the stuffs.. if i was the wild one you were always getting my back.. i was the tom-boy and you were that petite dainty girl.. and yesh, you actually drilled those girly stuffs in me..

and in spite of all these opposites, we were strangely complementing to each other--to the extent that one seemed incomplete without the other..

we sat together--(and i'm so grateful to that class teacher of ours for that fated day)--in class and also everywhere else where we went.. you gave me my first Chicken Soup.. and i still love you loads for that.. i had my first gossip of 'crushes' and 'giggles' with you (remember that Iranian fellow?)..

girl! you are the bestest thing that happened to me at 15!

and look at us now! from dressing almost alike on birthdays (remember my 21st?) to the day when you are this grown up lady, getting married.. i'd always dreamt of living to this day, being there with you, making you proud by actually living it out and acting it out like a 'complete lady'.. always wanted that perfect "lady-like" picture of both of us together---the Bride and her best friend!

and you know when i say this-- how i'd have loved to be there and take it the moments in my shots and frame it for life--i mean it and i say the truth.. and so i'm really kicking myself hard, as i'm nowhere near to doing any of that..and i'm so sorry, 'coz i'm really missing being their with you..

so, girl.. make the most of it.. big day for you.. and a new chapter of a new story..

get married, girl..
i'll catch you up there too in sometime *wink*!

but till then, you know, we are still gonna be the same..

love you loads!

**Best Friends Forever**

to the ONE whom it concerns(SIC)

it has been a really shocking unfolding of events.. its disgusting to even acknowledge what has happened.. disgusting because, i, also do belong to that same cattle breed of people..
because, i let myself being ruled by them..
because, i too have played my part in making them sit at the top and have a 'look'..

because, it says on my passport, i am a citizen of INDIA..

and yes, i am ashamed of being one..
ashamed of the place that i come from..
ashamed of the people that i vouch for..
ashamed of even existing..

and yes, thats just me saying aloud my disgust.. but what disgusts me more is the coveted 'sarcasm' on its face, even now.. "
"yeah right.. as if your black dot DPs are gonna change everything"
*#quote-unquote*

couple of days back, out of sheer respect and awe and just a tiny bit of support for that unfortunate individual, many people(including myself) chose to put the black dot,as the DP.. yes, i know it wont help in achieving anything.. it will not ouster the ruling govt.. it will not bring back the life of that individual.. it will not make things alright for anyone.. it will not punish the accused.. it will not undo any of the wrongs.. it will do nothing but to show support.. it will do absolutely nothing, BUT for letting the word spread that we all are deeply shaken and repulsed by the thriving 'rules' of the 'ruling class'.. and at the most, in a very far fetched manner, it will just act as a mere virtual support for that unfortunate individual..

yes, true that.. the black dot DPs ain't gonna change anything for that matter.. the same way, holding a 2 minute silence for a departed soul doesn't change anything..

its perfectly alright for YOU to not believe in something.. absolutely acceptable for YOU to not to share the feelings of a zillion other..
BUT, it doesn't give YOU the right to condemn other people's belief.. and YOU happen to be no one to judge on that!

yes, i expected better from YOU..
and YOU disappoint me..
YOUR words are deeply sickening..
and that will be to say the least..
period.

'after'-ever-'after'

i'm excited for the countdown.. not for what its leading to.. but for whats it holds "after"..
its the "after" that entices me..

'coz, the "after" has the charm..
the "after" is where it all starts..
the "after" is what i look forward to..
the "after" is what defines..

'coz its always been the "after".. the place which holds the coveted treasure.. where i've always felt the safest.. where i've always been at home..

"after".. ever "after".. happily ever "after"!

*love*

4-4-8

'4-4-8'!!
and the world at my feet!

ahan ahan!!!!

perseverance pays.. and handsomely that too!!! bestest reward and i can stand tall and even "walk" in these!

hee-haw!!!!

and yeah! the jinx broken too..
*ecstatic!*

time for the 'end'

she discussed it.. she said it aloud.. she got her favourite audience to bear as the witness..
and she was grateful..more than she could ever tell..

and so maybe after months of agonized dilemma,  countless hours engaged in the "yes", "no" and all the "maybe", after the final(erstwhile) decision of doing it followed by deciding for the otherwise, well, she might just have gotten a lil bit strong.. strong enough to move forward in the direction she'd once abandoned..

its still an uphill task for her.. a difficult embarkment.. and she knows she will never have it easy either..

but she also knows, she will always have that one 'unassuming' and 'forever-there-for-her' being.. one who, she can trust when she can trust her own self no more..


p.s. she might decide for it.. coz, she'd got her 'final night'.. she'd got her 'last meet'.. and so now, she knows, its time.. she'll be hurting anyway.. just a lil hope that she will be able to live with the hurting..

vicious circle

vicious circle..
the bug, dealing with its intimacy issues, reaffirms its attachment..
followed by a week of coughing, sneezing, wheezing..
duly transmission to the kid..
intimacy with kid continues unabashedly..
kid gets the bug..
followed by the kid coughing, sniffing and sneezing..
bug finding its way back towards the 'home'..
followed by reattachment..
followed by another spell of a week's worth coughing, sneezing, wheezing..

and it continues..


p.s. and such is the state that 'vicious' almost became 'viscous' and 'state' almost became 'sate'.. 

what sucks?

(slander)
yeah.. this no literary fest.. this case is pure slander.. and 'sucks' is by far the most polite term that i could find..
December.. this being the most awesome time of the entire year..
and you wanna know what sucks?
stupid eggjams! *aarrrghhhhhh!* stupid finals and stupid Boards.. and no, that is not the 'end all , be all" of the matter.. the timings take the icing of the cake here! the last week, which is by default the Celebration week of the whole year, boasts  of my stupid finals and stupid Boards of this stupid eggjam! *huff!* a little more garnish on the icing, would be the fact that this even includes the Sunday! *sigh!*  silver lining, you ask? well yeah.. fortunately and thankfully (as i cant be thankful enough), it all gets over on the 31st.. so, i at least have the last day to squeeze in all the plans for the what would have been an otherwise exciting and happening week..

what else sucks?
falling sick.. before the stupid eggjams.. which effectively ruins all the back-up plans of celebrations.. because it eats into those back-up time reserved for celebrations.. and so, here i am, taken ill, with my beloved bug, who, it seems to me, suffers from severe intimacy issues and so when it aggravates, that's how the repercussions come out to the surface.. result---->'sick'..period.

what else sucks?
the most torturous negotiation in the entire world, is when you end up bargaining for a neutral 'time-compatible' zone with your sweetheart.. *damned eggjams!* and being sick doesn't help the case at all..(haven't seen my stupid 16.1's face for so long now..*heart-broken* makes the wait for 31st all the more excruciating) and no, 'chatting' and 'talking' doesn't really help in this case.. and the pictures make it worse..

what else sucks?
of course, when you cant get your balance sheets to tally.. when the cash flow statements do not match, of course, cash flow, in itself, sucks.. when you realise that just 10 days till the stupid eggjams, the stupid Boards, the stupid finals, and you panic..

yeah.. sucks real bad.

and as very rightly put across by my 16.1., "so does a lot of things.."

(sans) the vows!

we never had any vows.. never had any intentions for that either.. at anytime.. but. somehow or other, it so appears, off-handedly, we just might be living them aloud.. and that too, purely unintentionally.. :-p something like, how that cliched phrase goes--"it was destined.." *hark hark!*

and this gets a coveted mention here now because this ain't the first time.. this just happens to be an encore! *wink!*

well, to end with all this stupid build-up of weird pile-ups of all the guesses by now, this involves a co-ordination.. like that of being in sync.. *wink! grin!* and the first instance was that of a common one.. a planned one.. though, to be more precise, it was rather an imposed upon sorts on the person concerned by yours truly.. (yes, i am good at that!)and that was a success too! and that involved a 'meet' during a certain period of what happened to be an extended weekend (three years ago).. involving our 'visit' to our 'home'..

that was the health part.

present day.. the encore is not exactly of the 'situation', per se.. but its actually more of the underlying phenomenon..'co-ordination' indeed.. and if the earlier aforementioned incident was planned, this one was completely unplanned.. and unaccounted for, from either side..(you dont really plan to fall sick on a specific day for a specific period of time..)and which further involved the dishing out of the same suggestions to the other for implementation! *rofl!*

add to that, perfect timings.. and even the other contributing external 'environmental' factors too remaining the same!(ref: certain underlying schedules)

and that concludes the illness part.

...in sickness and health..! 
and so truly said..
fosho..
period.

p.s and all this time i was giggling like a besotted lil girl :-p
p.p.s and later in the night, co-ordinated even in the accounts!
*that's what forced exile does..sadly*

the 'after'

"..no.. its not just the ***.. its never the ***.. its the after.. i feel so safe there.. and maybe, that's why i cant stop seeing him.. i cant stay away.."

because, its always the 'after'.

♥♥"i.n.v.i.t.a.t.i.o.n." ♥♥

this goes out specifically to a certain You.. a specific certain You, who will always have this one trivial thing to make a huge thing of.. a very specific certain You, who never fails to bring this up everytime..
yep.. "i.n.v.i.t.a.t.i.o.n." indeed.. and well, its never that, the very specific certain You never happened to be on the receiving end of it, it has always been denied vehemently with--"aisa wala nahi.. dusra wala"--and the signature 'tongue-dangling-out-at-the-corner-of-the-mouth' complete with a very pink tongue!

so, here goes, the very specific certain You.. this one is for You!

*oh red wine!*

i know you got your own ways

i know you got your own life

i'm just saying c'mon down to my place :)

we ain't got no worries here

you ain't  gonna wanna leave ;)

driving down to boulevard

comin' out inside my car (*black love*)

no sittin' in the backyard

lets go for a ride

come on and ride with me :)

we got some sights to see ;)

baby just come with me

come on lets go lets hit the road

turn up the radio lets radio (*aa ante amnapuro* :p)

we do it all night long :p

we got everything You and me

music plays all night long

we got no worries here

you ain't gonna wanna leave

c'mon

let the music play

dance tonight away

so, now i dare You.. the very specific certain You.. dare You to say that i dint, as You always say,  'invite' You! 'coz, i bet my a** off, even You cant get any more vocal and illustrated than this (above) :p :)

so now that You got the 'i.n.v.i.t.a.t.i.o.n.', lets see, how You do it.. :)

♥♥-xoxo!

disclaimer:

its completely inspired (as far as the words).. the addendum have been completely original though.. and nothing to do with the original source of the excerpted verse..(and with no intention whatsoever of hurting anyone's emotions..) taken from a current chart-buster :) 

*signing it off*

for,
a solid One,--- when we started, being at "anywhere", searching for "my immortal".. when we told each other to have a little "patience" and that it will all fall through.. and when we met, i'd hoped that you had the "time of your life"..

a doubtful Two,--- when you moved away, it was like a "carnival of rust".. n i felt "dumb".. when we met again, i raised the "white flag".. and when we fell apart, my heart was "rolling in the deep".. coz, "you're still the one"..

a steadily gaining back grounds Three--- getting back, rewinding and reliving.. confessions of the "stupid mistake" and long-awaited moments crowned with the "kiss goodnight" and subsequently establishing "i'm yours"..



for all those countless squabbles, quarrels, fights and silences

moon gazings, soft whisperings

endless talkings over sweet nothings

for those long drives sans destinations

with the tag of 'L' and a few more

the never ending 'aapdaar' 

the special reference to that 'one' song 

and the singing along to it

even making it as the 'official' too

for those nights of complete crass

and the amazingly accustomed and intertwined lives

complementing

sustaining

still living..

quite a journey this!

three candles lit.. and three candles blown..

*ok happy budday*

****

p.s. this comes a lil before than the finish mark.. just a reminder that somethings are inevitable in some ways after all..
signing off.

when the bad guy comes a-calling!

aah!!! the never ending drama.. good and bad..

and funnily enough its always in pairs.. everywhere.. in movies, and even in real life stories..
in that very personal and precious story of life too..

the relativity of the good and the bad differs, though.. and that is respective to each's discretion..

and in this case, this might even hover around the edges of being outrageous.. and needless to say, this also happens to be that very common real life incident, that involves a concerned pair (yours truly being the one in the pair), the intermittently weaved and interchanging persona with the portrayal of good and bad and of course, that very (the)precious part of life, which almost became "the" life at certain points in time..

it started with all being good.. exceedingly good, even, at times.. and it seemed perfectly imperfect.. good-n-good.. sounds good, right? but, it cant always be good, anyhow.. so, the bad descended, took its time for that though..almost a couple of years of good later, to be really precise.. made its presence felt, eventually.. and that was the time, when everything seemed hopelessly bad.. such good was the bad then.. and the funny part here being, yours truly never even thought that the bad is any one particular being.. yours truly, was always of the opinion that it was that non-living omnipresent 'conditional situation' and/or 'transitional condition' that was being bad.. so, after the initial getting-used-to phase (which, in fact, sucked pathetically)yours truly made peace with the bad.. and even started to think about the 'good'ness in the bad of it.. and it was then, when the interchanging of the persona in the portrayal of the bad took place.. and yours truly was left speechless and stumped.. caught off-guard.. that self-confessing act of being the bad guy around, being the one responsible for making yours truly to believe the 'conditional situation' being the bad 'guy', and the confession of being stupid enough to, be doing that and had done that, changed everything for yours truly.. to the extent, that the belief in something, that was thought by yours truly to be almost non-existent till then, became realistic enough to be even tangible.. and it was like, 'bad guy? who?' and good taking over.. the going back in time together and recounting the goods, laughing over the (pseudo)bads, things seemed perfect.. with just the right amount of bad ingrained.. like, the normal squabbles, the period that went without conversing, and stuffs.. and it was all "happy".. something that felt lasting.. satisfying too, in a sort..

but, well, gravity pulls, the wheel rolls and the cycle turns.. and this time, this is a conscious realisation  on yours truly's part.. because, she might have to be the bad guy after-all, and pull the plug.. put on the stopper on the three years' worth..

and this would be the worst of the 'bad guy' that she'll ever be.. as it involves yours truly to kill the three years' worth of incomparable and immeasurable 'good's..

and, yes.. even thinking about it, is like dying..
so, maybe, the 'bad guy' might win, after-all.. 

untold

she could never tell him how she felt..she just wished him to know.. she hoped for him to know the way she felt--somehow..

he knew her feelings.. he knew the way she felt..anyhow.

the last night

she just wanted a final night with him..

one night.. for her many (lonesome) nights (to come)..
so,
if she has a good night, then she can think about that 'final night' and drift off with a smile of content..
if she has a horrible night, then she can at least have the memory of the 'final night' to sail her through the night..
if she can't sleep, she can revisit the moments of the 'final night' rather than counting sheep and sobbing to bed..
if she is scared, then she can have the comforts and shelter of the many words and feels of the 'final night' to latch on..


that's all she wished for..
a 'final night' with him..
final night before she bows down to the beckoning of her new embarkations..

peace..love..(????)

it was the time when she thought and believed that she was happily settled with herself.. her life, her 'personal' life, that is, to be precise..

she had almost everything going for her.. the way she would have liked.. the way she thought it was possible only in the Utopian world.. where no one was required to know anything more than what was required, which, as a matter of fact, they knew invariably.. so, no unnecessarily obtrusive questions by surrounding 'well-wishers'.. peace, of some sorts.. where no one was much bothered about the declaration of anything..
where, everyone had accepted her being as it was.. and that was the norm of her being.. at least that appeared to be as the one..

she, too believed along the same lines for herself.. there was no excessive baggage of 'compromises'.. there were no constraints, either.. there was no uncertainty too, coz, she lived with the present.. "they" lived and believed in the present.. and in that "present" land, everything was just upto the way they had always wanted.. and yes, they were happy..

but for that day, when the sudden bleak thought of a certain possibility of a 'long distance' clouded her self, and she found herself to be thoroughly terrified and shaken.. when she felt the wet troughs along her face, and couldn't help but sob herself to bed..

and she realised, that it was just all too far along serious.. way far along serious..

and she felt weak..
*sob*

advertising own entirely personal(life) and private matter in a public forum and in a comprehensive commercial manner(SIC)..
nauseating..

subsequent spamming of your account courtesy the infinite requests for its 'encouragement'(SIC)..
disgusting..

and they still have the audacity to say--,"that's our personal life.. we don't want to comment on that."
pathetic..

bloody bunch of hypocritical a***s**es!
period. 

no offense--but true

an era of all sorts came to an end.. not an abrupt end.. this was probably long arrived years ago.. yes, i'm talking about the late Balasaheb Thackrey.. the end probably was reached the day when he started operating from the sidelines.. but, yesterday, it was the complete end.. sidelines, forefront, et al.. the final rest, as a sort..

i, for once, am an outsider.. that is to say, i do not belong from the land of 'marathi manoos'.. as, i'm not a born-bred 'marathi manoos' nor do i hail from any lineage of the same.. but, nevertheless, i do associate myself completely with the present city and life of Mumbai, erstwhile Bombay.. that is, the cosmopolitan of it.. where, you are not stamped/labelled as 'marathi manoos' but you are a proud Mumbai-ite/Bombay-ite.. and yet, i choose, to speak out on that person, who was such a staunch supporter of anything and everything of austere 'marathi' origin and an equally, if not more,as strong and violently (sic) opposed to anything and everything that is/are not of 'marathi' origin, even anywhere remotely nearby close to it.. and these are true words, like it or not..

because, i belong to that generation and time in space, where my memory will forever be etched with only the vandalism and the hooliganism as portrayed by the shiv sena sainiks.. and so, when yesterday the news finally flashed over all the news channels--'the tiger roars no more'--i was probably one of those negligent few number of people, who were "happy".. for just one reason--there will be no more atrociousness over modern-views of living, oft labelled as the (so-called)'pollutants of the heritage'..

but all said and done, there was a definite amount of respect, that even amidst all this feeling of hatred and disgust, could find its way towards the person.. so, people feeling devastated and shocked and broken and orphaned, makes all the sense in the world.. and, all the more, 'coz they were all his disciples.. so, paying homage/respect to the departed soul, great or not, obviously deserves to be done..

but, common sense speaking here, and assuming the concept of 'after-life' holds true, even the person departed would love for a peaceful and 'civilized manner of 'giving the final respects'.. and my disgust for the said followers became more profound after yesterday's demonstration of their 'paying respect' (sic).. with the shopkeepers running for cover with pulling down the shutters on their business as soon as the news came out, running for their dear old life.. with the transportation going for a toss--the one thing which the city got the 'outsiders' to boast and pride on--it WAS a mayhem and chaos.. and led by whom? unfortunately the very same 'followers' and 'disciples'..
again, the common sense speaking here, i'm pretty sure, no one, including the said departed soul and his kin and clan members, would have loved the paying of final respects to take the shape of such chaos and mayhem, where people were actually seen "worried" for their lives--not because of their leader had died, but entirely because of the outrage as violently demonstrated by the "disciples"..

so, "great" he may had been.. but to me, and to all those 'commoner' like me, the respect for him will always be shrouded in the veils of the disgust, that is wholly and entirely because of the doings of those hooligans, which, unfortunately left a telling mark on my mind..

may his soul rest in peace(sic)..

these are a few of my favourite things

happy times ahoy-----!

• getting to know that the answers to the quiz that i once took, were all correct.. *yayyie*

• finding that dream piece of garment that fits me without any need for alteration anywhere! *sigh!*

• me and my black ♥, going without destination, for miles and hours..

• calling up an old and dear friend from school and talking about nothing and yet clocking hours on the phone..

• window shopping with mamma, when you have all the time in the afternoon to kill and nothing to buy..

• when the hidden desires for some special specific days happen to be fulfilled..

and my most special and the favourite of all being--

• him, with his tongue sticking out from the corner of the mouth and asking,"free kab hai?" *:-p*

nose-y!

and the best of the guys dun hav the best of the nose.. its always 'crooked'.. somewhere.. its barely noticeable at times.. but, there, nevertheless..

observation..

wierd..

true..

so, go figure the equation now..  ;) *wink!*


p.s. the person concerned here, has been duly notified about the fact that how much i love his nose ;):P

certain people

certain people matter to me..
certain people are special to me.. in a "special" sorta special..
certain people are precious..
certain moments spent with those above mentioned respective special people are priceless..

and my respective blog posts, bear a testimony of that..
irrespective of the respective people's 'formal/official/legal' addressing, its evident to all those who matter..
people who make me what i am..

-xoxo

trust

i often wonder..

• does "trust" come with "time"? 

or it is the other way round (maybe)?

• does "time" happen because of the "trust"?

do you learn to put our trust in someone, only after you have spent a considerable amount of a 'lot-of-time' "together" and "with each other", both in tangible and intangible manner, that "trust" comes just like a "to be implied" step? like a course of nature? like, something happening out of "habitual customs"?

what is it, really?

i have been troubled a lot by this small little five-letter word beyond any measurable limits, off-late.. and the main reason being, of-course the 'betrayal' and the "breaking".. ("false pretense"--a song aptly put)

and it also involves "time".. and thus the conflict between "trust" and "time".. 

taking the first case, believing for the sake of it, lets say--trust comes with time..

if that's so, then by now, after so much of a "time"--all inclusive of spending a 'lot-of-time' "together" and "with each other", both in tangible and intangible manner--"trust" should be the inevitable.. that is, there should be no question of it.. like submissive nature.. after all, close to three years.. and three years a pretty long time.. going by the present day time-frame..

considering the alternative, that, "time" happens because of the "trust"..

on the face of it, it actually appears to be more logical.. look at it this way--only after you trust being with the other, you will spend a 'lot-of-time' "together" and "with each other" both in tangible and intangible manner.. so, you need to put on the trust first, and then "time" will build on, on its own.. like the course of nature.. free-flowing(?) three years..(?)

and i'm still equally, if not any less and/or  more, troubled by it.. and this ain't no "chicken-egg" question..

but, all these 'can't-be-helped' types wondering made me realise something very true.. 

at this point in "time" of my life, i think, i know where my heart lies and whom does it beat for.. and so maybe, i can afford to choose to look beyond this conflict for this one instance..

i have been in it for sometime now.. and that 'sometime' qualifies to be a "long time".. and given anything, i want it to sustain.. and to make it sustain itself, i have to make it stronger than what it already is, with all our efforts and doings.. so, from my side, i have to put my trust in it.. blindly.. with the belief that this will hold.. not giving a rat's ass to the "time".. and "trust" till it is shattered to shards due to some third party/ foreign body external source.. because, if i don't do that, i can very well be qualifying as the culprit.. and i wont be able to hold myself answerable even to myself.. and i very sure don't want that...

so, "trust" it is from my side.. complete and blind.. till its forcibly denied..

coz the "time" till now, has been a blissful gift.. loved and cherished.. and relived each day..

*love*
p.s. counting it down to the day till i blow out the 'three' :)
p.p.s **love**

**###########**

AND THAT'S EASIER SAID THAN DONE.PERIOD.

A few "Mamma-Shocker" pointers!

1. Dating Tips (in "details")
2. "Oh! This is the Orange one.. What happened to that Bright Red one? Where is it? Don't you put that on? Been long...." -------------> Talking about "Nailpolish"!
3. "I wonder how he will react looking at you now! I'm sure he'll fall off.. His heart will fail!"----------> Talking about His reaction when i was "dressed up"!
4. Sudden singing out in "Mamma-Voice-Renditions" of "Sheila...Sheila ki jawani"!
5. Dancing "Gangnam Style".. and of course, in sync!

and going over these a second time through while putting them down, shocked me once again to even think straight further.. and so, abandoning the 'pointers' till then next time around.. ;)

just that 'other' kind of a day *♫ ♪*

to say that i had been going full crazy and racking my brains to find the word 'contagious', which was definitely not made easy at all in any way with my Mr.L coming up with the most horrifyingly soul stirring "digged up roads" (it still gives me the creeps and the shudders), would be to say the least..

but, inspite of it all, it was one of the rare day, when i was happy.. austerely happy.. plain happy.. period.

i have my huge pile of books stacked up.. i have my long list of stuffs to be read and re-read for the day.. i have my egg-jams banging..i hav to make time for my "bug", else, that too gets pissed off..  but yet.. inspite of it all, im in a real cheerful mood today (including tonight!)

i dont care if its a 'surge' right now.. like an unusual high burst of energy (read: perkiness) before the madness sets in.. because, even if it is, its worth.. worth of all the 'secrets'.. ;)

*happy*

♫ ♪♫ ♪♫ ♪♫ ♪♫ ♪♫ ♪♫ ♪♫ ♪

Boy oh boy, do I miss Mumbai!!!

Oh, do I miss the surreal rain,
All the boisterous people in the God damned train,
Filth, dust, the dirt and the grime,
the frantic pace ever so sublime,
An innocent road committing a sinless sin,

an insignificant voice screams from within,
Being the victim of an heartless ploy,
Boy oh boy, do I miss Mumbai!!!!

i ask You

sometimes i feel, like i have to let go of You.. coz there is a part of me, which is contradictory to the rest of the part of me, which wants You.. then, there is a part of me(the afore mentioned 'contradicting' part), which is synonymous to the part of compromising my own self for Your sake.. and then the part of me which wants You, takes over and i settle with the belief that i can metamorphose and then it will be alright.. but then that part of me, which is contradictory to the rest of the part that wants You, wishes that if only the metamorphosis is of Yours and then it will be alright..

coz, there is this "whole" part of me, which knows when You want me.. and this feeling has been omnipresent.. and i know, that, if You want me, You will have to have me..
but if You will have to have me, then, You'll have to do without the 'idealistic You' part of me and You'll have to do with the 'non-ideal and most imperfect' part of me.. coz, it is only then, that will be the true "me"..

so, now tell me.. You think You are up for it?

the pledge of a "Chocoholic" :D

I am proud to be a chocoholic,

I dip my cookie with pride,

The days grow cold and the nights grow long,

when I don't have my bar by my side.

Whether by bar or by spoon,

a mouthful just won't do,

For a true Chocoholic, one won't suffice,

two hands mean you have to have two.

Domestic or imported, it has been reported

although some may be in denial,

Chocolate's the one, when all's said and done,

that truly can make woman smile.

--

author unknown

winter ghosts

by the window up in the bedroom
i can hear the storm come
from many roads away
and it brings the night
if the ones who died sit around me
i hope they're going to stay
and that maybe you'll arrive
in the rain that's rolling in
these summer nights
i feel you on my skin

winter came as a load
frozen down to the bone
i lived here half asleep
walking nights to the road
empty, drunk and alone
in hopes you'd come to me
before the morning
before you're running
but why are you running?
where are you running?
home?

once i knew you
lay my head upon your lap
once i knew you
in your eyes a calming light
once i knew you
and your hand upon my back
once i knew you
in a life ain't coming back.

bleh!

priorities..
prioritize..
prioritization..
she has her own set of those..
her priorities..
she sat down one fine day.. one whole entire day.. prioritizing her priorities.. and spending almost the entire day in her prioritization of her priorities..

and so, all of you earthen mortals.. if you are that smart (really?!), then you ought to know by now, which side of her priorities do you feature (or not, even?)

she loves her priorities..period.

open your eyes

"open your eyes now
its time to see
if you can reach me
open your eyes now
its time to leave
its time to leave me
open your eyes now
its time to see
if you still believe me
open your life now
i'll try to be
all that you need me 
to be
open your eyes now
try to speak
like you can see me
open your eyes now
i'll try to be
almost everything
you need me to be

#she'll be a star now#
i'll follow her lead
#she'll be a scar now#
i will still let her bleed

all over me"

the two sides of the 'dark'

its comforting to witness the gradual increase in the darkness of the ridges formed on the otherwise pale white stack of papers and books (seen when books kept closed)..
#most friggin' awesome sight ever!#

its equally harassing to find the gradual intensifying of the 'dark'ness of the circles!
#worst thing ever#

sigh! 

..and that is why, you should--

‎"You should date a girl who reads.

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes."

— Rosemarie Urquico


p.s. courtesy from a post posted by Damdam.. *love yah!* :)

basics

my old man is a sucker for basics.. complete die-hard sucker.. for him, the entire existence of this very universe is baseless without basics.. that's how nuts he is about basics..
my old man taught me basics.. he made me understand the very essence of basics.. and he made me realise that the basic mistake of the commoner in this universe is the practice of forgoing with the very basics.. he made me realise that people forget the base when they strive to escalate..
and my old man and i, both know today, that the basic, in fact, is no more basic today.. it is in fact the most priceless-ly precious possession of a commoner..

my old man taught me the basic rule of fundamentals.. "you can't compare two things if they don't belong to the same units!" this is how my introduction to basics started.. reading the 'sentence' over and over, and you will probably dismiss this as just a theory before solving some high school chemistry/physics problems.. because, back then, 'units' could only mean (necessarily) joules, newtons, cal, kg, metre, etc. but, its more than just these 'units'.. and that is when i realised that the basic rule of fundamentals is not really 'basic' for the commoner.. its more of 'exotic' , per se..

because its stupid for people to even think of asking--"so, where do you like it better, Ahmedabad or Mumbai?" duh!! don't you understand? only those things having "same" units can be compared.. if you have to compare things having different units of measurement, you are supposed to first convert the units into a common unit and only after then you can measure and compare them..

Ahmedabad and Mumbai, they are not measured in the same units.. they can never even be converted into a common unit to be measured and compared.. heck! they are in two different planes, altogether! two different systems.. to say in high school science terms, one is measured in kg and the other is measured in mts..!

so save yourself from the trouble of asking and me the trouble of being subjected to such baseless questions.. i don't need 'friendly' from you..

i am a basic-loving person.
*on-your-face*

for you, for me

two fires, they are breathing
running out of air
two hearts, they are beating
feeding this affair
its too far for a clean escape
demons on my sleeve
they are not what you expected
when i asked you to believe
with your eyes on my secrets
god knows what you'll see
there's so much to my story
but you're the perfect ending
i haven't found what you are looking for
i haven't found what you need
but don;t think what you're after is
more than i can be
for you, for me
make me a better man

wrapped in rain 
i'm tired
of faux desires
of makeshift men
and their wires

so give me Love.. Tangible..

may/may(not)

may not have learnt yet the art of attaining 'closure' (and i'm still very much 'J' with my 'exception'), but have definitely mastered the art of 'detachment'..

p.s. the 'subjects' involved are mutually exclusive, and nowhere related with each other in any remotely possibly distant way.. and it involves two separate 'subjects'--one for the first part of the sentence, and one for the latter part of the (same) sentence..

p.p.s. with every 'may' there exists a may'not'..

exception rules_05.10.12.

i dunno who i'm gonna talk to now
but i know i'm laughing on the car ride home with you
dunno how long it's gonna take to feel OK
but i know i had the best day with you today.

***

p.s. somehow i forgot to hit 'publish' on the mentioned date..noticed it now..so, another of mine 'better late than never'.

p.p.s true story, the aforesaid four lines..

white horse

say you are sorry, that face of an angel
comes out just when you need it to
as i paced back and forth all this time
cause i honestly believed in you
holding on the days drag on
stupid girl,  i should have known
i'm not a princess this aint a fairy tale
i'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
leading her up the stairwell
this aint hollywood this is a small town
i was a dreamer before you went and let me down
now its too late for you and your white horse to come around
baby i was naive got lost in your eyes
and never really had a chance
i had so many dreams about you and me
happy endings, now i know
and there you are on your knees
begging for forgiveness begging for me
just like i always wanted but i'm so sorry
cause i'm not your princess this aint a fairy tale
i'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
this is a big world that was a small town
there in my rearview mirror disappearing now
now  its too late for you and your white horse to catch me now..

by my side

By my side
You’ll never be by my side
You’ll never be ’cause
I’m fake at the seams
I’m lost in my dreams
I want you to know that I can’t let you go
And you’re never coming home again
And you’re never coming home again

By my side
You’ll never be by my side
You’ll never be

I wanted to tell you I’d changed
I wanted to tell you that things would be different this time

I see you
You see me differently

I see you
You see me differently

You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again
You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again
You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again

this is for you, m

if i told you a secret you won't tell a soul
will you hold it and keep it alive
'cause its burning a hole and i can't get to sleep
and i can't live alone in this life
so look up,
and you stand at the crossroads of high roads and low roads
and i've got a feeling it's right
if its real what i'm feeling and there is no make believing
the sound of the wings of the flight
of a dove,

take it away
don't look down the mountain
if the world isn't turning your heart won't return
anyone, anything, anyhow
so take me, don't leave me
take me, don't leave me
baby, love will come through
it's just waiting for you


p.s i'm still hesitating.. scared of what you will think.. how you will take it.. and this very fear puts me back by at least 10 paces for every step i take or try to take forward.. i cant be sorry much.. but, i really am.. really really 'sholly'..
love forever.
-k.

(guilt/load)sortings.

sometimes you are supposed to tell people.. supposed to tell not because you owe them.. but because that is the only way of doing.. telling people.. not out of obligation.. but out of the sheer fact that there is no other way out than telling people..
just that moment for me.. i have been at fault.. a defaulter.. and yes, i will have many people jumping on me like bloodhounds this very moment.. and yes again, i will have a couple of people jumping on them to save me from those bloodhounds.. thats how it works.. thats how the people work.. and thats where the supposed to tell people part comes..
the people involved here, arent too many.. but the tellings to be told are pretty much indefinite.. too long a list to actually make a concrete one.. and too long a list to even abridge it, justly..

****

this one for a certain ms.j

i dun call you by that name.. i have in fact almost never called you by that name.. but that still remains the official initials of your name.. and so, i decide to persist with it here.. you know you will always be my 'what i always call you by/as'..

you have known it from the very beginning of it.. and you have known it in all the minutest details of it.. intricately.. exclusively.. a rightful wingman.. so you know it all..

and i cant lie.

sometimes i feel maybe this wait has tested me way too enough.. and way too long.. maybe i dont have it in me anymore to see through the most waited upon 'third'.. it feels wierd.. i feel wierd.. and i dont know why.. i know i could tell you all of this.. the only thing stopping now is your new found life, though i know you will never object me to it.. and maybe the moment of it now.. 

im sorry, coz i know im being very lame here.. but im sorry coz i know no other way as of now.. except for one--that you should know.. and that i am supposed to tell you..

****

this one is for a very special and certain m

you should have been the first one in the list of telling to people.. and yes i owed it to you.. and you had the legitimate right to know.. from when it started.. how it started.. and where it reached.. everything.. and i have always kept you away from it.. knowingly.. deliberately.. teased you with it.. played around.. but never gave you the facts.. and im sorry..

coz, how much so ever that i want you to know, i can never bring it all together to tell you everything.. i dunno and i never knew.. what stopped me then and why im still hesitating.. you know me the way no one else does.. yet, this one thing which is the most precious to me, i have kept it away from you.. and i know, i cant tell you sorry enough for that..

i dunno why i feel i have to tell you now.. yes.. all that you guessed were true.. a certain 'we' involved, reached base-**.. almost touched base-***..  and there were initiations from the 'other'.. and there were confessions..

more than once.. 

more than one time..

****

dark and twisty.. within.. well yes.. pretty much there.

chasing liberty---->@ liberty!

liberated.. to let go..
liberty.. "freedom" sans restrictions..

i have always known what it meant.. in terms of definitions.. in terms of words.. (i  have a unique way around with words)

run a dictionary search and you will get your treat of words.. Oxford's, Webster's, not to forget about their respective thesaurus, then you have the Wikipedia version as well.. so you see, no dearth of wordily words..

and currently adding on to the legal overdose tending towards an overkill, with the heavy sedation of liberal and liberty as per the Constitution-- part-III and part-IV, duly taken care of.. (phew!)

and well, this ain't intended to be a words' worth.. for a change, that it.. this is purely and totally based on the feeling.. that feel when you know its so liberating.. felt that ever? eh? then you know what i'm talking about.. and you know how it feels.. 'coz even when you are reading it now, you are transported back to that time and you cant help but to smile as you glide on over these lines..

dancing as if you dun care.. real proper routine dance.. not the random wriggle and the fun acts.. the rigorous strenuous performance.. at the end of which you are left with heavy breathing, increased pulse, sweat dripping down along every frame of your body, ligaments screeching in protest, as if they will just burst out, muscles throbbing and a buzz in the ears.. you know you are just biologically present.. but you are in a different space altogether.. and at that point nothing really matters.. who you are, what you mean, where you belong-- nothing.. that's when you feel liberated.

spending hours in the kitchen.. preparing a dish from the scratch.. buying ingredients, sorting them, washing the veggies and the other requisites, peeling and cutting and dicing and shredding.. cooking, with the accurate measurements and the punctuality of a timer.. and the end result--the waft of the aroma when you open the lid just a lil' bit of the fraction.. and yes, you know--this is it.. the kitchen looks a mess.. but who cares.. you are too happy even to care.. so happy that you actually go back to the scrubbing and the cleaning of the kitchen, a happy elf.. liberating, indeed.

talking of speed, i have always been a part of the 100 club.. riding a pillion on the highway in the afternoon at well over 100 (it feels insane).. riding with my sweetheart, with him racing against the time to reach his hostel before the curfew.. again well beyond the previously stated 'well over 100'.. i felt "safe" (strange).. being on your own, letting go of all the inhibitions and touching upon that 100 and being in super control.. yes.. its worth the exalt.. and yes, i did deserve a 'check myself out' in the rear view mirror after that.. and that priceless feel..liberty.

yep.. the very same.. and i can say that know even i know the feel of it.. and yes, it feels bliss.. haven.. even better than probably the sweetest love with my sweetheart.. ( sholly *.*, this one has raced you to the top..) yeah, that might have touched some nerves.. *wink!*

so, its truly, chasing liberty.. forever!

*cheers*

10 things I hate about You

I hate it when it comes to the "ta-ta"

I hate it when it comes to the shifting of the seats

I hate it when it's still moulded in Your frame

I hate it even more when I feel it gradually coming back and taking my shape

I hate it when it comes to the pulling down of the window glass

I hate it when Your fingers linger over the frame

I hate it when its dripping with obligation and screaming with reluctance

I hate it when it comes to the final meeting of the eyes

I hate it when it's all so overwhelming that it makes my cry

I hate it when I know that You'll turn back but I can't even look..

and one thing that I hate the mostest about You is that I have known no other way, but to love You.

matching! :D

and voila!
that might just be.. indeed..

yellow shoes.
check!
(i have yellow shoes.. like these ones)

blue shoes.
check!
(you have blue shoes..like these ones)

i still am required to be on my toes.. (and i hate to say this)+1 inch, not quite enough to set it off, against.. *:wink!*

so, yeah..
that's pretty much matching.. and a matching illustration as well!

mush--------> maxim!

"agar ye usko bhi hua hai fir bhi mujhko zyada hua"

"bada ye dil nadaan tha par aj kuch zyada hua"

"chhupane ka tha dar tujhe pata nahi kyu zyada hua"

Black magic

it was returned to me brand new.. sucked clean of all that it harboured.. the air.. the dust.. and everything old.. even Your essence.. and the sweet feel of Your presence..  the very reason for which i was stalling the installation of the air freshener..all gone when it came back to me.. it was as good as brand new..
gleaming.. glistening.. the rain drops like jewels.. yes.. it was smooth.. more, maybe.. but it lacked the old-world charm.. it felt just like any other conveyance.. the air was different.. the only assurance was the way the seats still felt.. the only remnants of a once-upon-a-time You.. and so, the freshener came up, pronto.. and its sweetness reminded me of all those erstwhile sweet moments.. happy memories.. scarred by the frightening possibility of it ultimately remaining at that.. (some sad incidents to be blamed for that).. but the cosmos conspired.. the stars spoke.. once again.. and this time, it was all reinforced.. the air coupled with Your scent.. the feel added with Your touch.. the infinite impressions made and stamped and marked.. the essence returned..
and its now, brand new with You.. and its the best that i can have.. the Black wove its magic..!

*ditto!*

"I love You without knowing how or when or from where. I love You straightforwardly without complexities and pride. So, I love You because I know no other way."

says it all

“If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I.”

"beautiful love"

Far away, I feel your beating heart 
All alone, beneath the crystal stars 
Staring into space, what a lonely face 
I'll try to find my place with you 

What a beautiful smile 
Can I stay for awhile? 
On this beautiful night 
We'll make everything right 
My beautiful love, my beautiful love 

Larger than the moon, my love for you 
Worlds collide as heaven pulls us through 
The secret of the world is written in the stars 
I'm carrying your heart in mine 

Maybe a greater thing will happen 
Maybe all will see 
Maybe our love will catch like fire 
As it burns through me 


My beautiful love

*just a kiss*

lyin' here with You so close to me
its hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe
caught up in this moment
caught up in Your smile

I've never opened up to anyone
so hard to hold back when I'm holding You in my arms
we don't need to rush this
let's just take it slow

I know that if we give this a little time
it'll only bring us closer to the love we wanna find
it's never felt so real, no it's never felt so right

no I don't want to say goodnight
I know it's time to leave, but You'll be in my dreams
tonight

just a kiss on Your lips in the moonlight
just a touch of the fire burning so bright
no, I don't want to mess this thing up
I don't want to push too far
just a shot in the dark that You just might
be the one I've been waiting for my whole life
so baby, I'm alright, oh, let's do this right, with just a kiss goodnight.

:-D:-P

the once then painfully reticent and private person..
was first perceived as the otherwise back then..
it was then denied vehemently too..
going all extended extents at that..
the case adjourned..
awkwardness thinning out..
it was decided then to keep it at that..
to each his own..
but this couldn't have been for long and for forever..
and so the 'back then' comes to 'as now'..
laced with surprises and pleasant ones that too..
the pain in the then reticence long gone..
with the warmth in the charm new found..
the transit from then to the now fore..
coming to the then once pronounced terms now..
started with dangerously toeing the thin line..
flirting in the open with the brushes with the then and now privates..
so now as it stands..
the charm new found and mesmerising..
the now unabashed acknowledgments..
and all coupled with the then addictive and now more pronounced omnipresence..


p.s. and since when did You start needing 'invitation'? :-D :-P

japanese love/addiction

"huge sagging breasts, swollen legs, dried up neckline."

-----description of an aircraft!

khopche!

khopche..!
the mysticism of khopche..
both being the best and the worst..
and it both has its own charm..
i love the 'best' one..
and i "hate" when its worst..
'coz the best defines "us"..
and the worst doesn't define..
'coz the worst acts as if quarantined..
and the best is not really required to be defined..!
for, on any given day,
any place, with You and I, can be turned to a khopche..
the bottom line being thus--
all i really want is, at least, the electromagnetic waves to reach You, when i ain't there (with You) in (the same) khopche..

***gosh!! this is undoubtedly the worst of me! Lucifer save the poor souls..***

15th august..
people wishing Happy Independence Day..

i'm not a partake in these wishings..
how can you be 'independent'? when in diguise of 'celebrating' the 'independence day' in the society, you are literally compelled to come out at that prescribed hour? agreed, it is supposedly a national responsibility cadre issue.. but given everything, it should be in one's own discretion whether he wants to be a part of the celebrations downstairs.. if you are not allowed to take this simple decision 'independently', how can you say "happy independence day"?

no, i cant say.. i get a msg wishing me the same.. for courtesy's sake, i reply with a "wish you the same".. though, that is not heartfelt.. and i cant feign..

my independence day is yet to come.. so, until then, i continue to defy the 'customary norms'.. for me, today will be the day of learning expletives,(in the choicest of the dehati ghati language, to be used at my sweetest p.a.), day out with my girlfriend in shorts for the above mentioned expletives tutorial, not a single color of 'patriotism' on me, and then winding the day with a gala night out with a dearest girl-friend..

defying all customary societal norms, yes, that's my way of living today..

so yes, its a 'happy' day for me.. but no way an 'independence' day.. that is yet to come.

as i lay still, i know you are with me

it was a teary eyed goodbye.. i was fighting hard.. raging a lone battle against them.. lost bitterly in the end.. gosh! i never liked goodbyes.. and as i get older, these seem to magnify in their intensity of hurt-degree and pain and fear and all paranoia.. and today was no different.. avoiding all eye contact.. but it was that one last hug that did me in..
i knew since long enough of this day.. i knew since last week of the time.. and yet, i was restless.. yes.. i dun take goodbyes, easy.. especially with the one's who i get accustomed to.. saddened by the fact, that mornings will never be the same any more.. the 'home' will never be the way it was.. coz, starting tomorrow morning, it'll only be that big ugly lock on the door that will greet me.. the cold steel lock..
sitting alone after all the brouhaha.. and i wished, if only You were here..

and You did come.. and in Your special way, charmed me through.. sailed me along, at least for sometime.. i could come over it..
yes.. thats how we are.. and that has always how we have been.. all these times.. throughout..You and I..

one more reason

shoja plane uniform surface-er opor eo kikore jol jomte paare? well, apparently possible.. and sheta dekhar jonno you have to come and witness extended drizzle in this shithole of a place called Ahmedabad..

this place is so ill-equipped to deal with rains.. and im not even talking about the normal definition of rains.. even a lil bit of extended drizzle, the city is well enough paralysed.. and just not the infrastructure, even the people! and the 'people' includes the apparent and supposed vivacious gujju youth! bleh!!!! *fuck-all hypocrites and bunch of  show off liars.. bloody baboons even flaunting what they dun have..such is the audacity and the atrociousness..*

and it just gets worse.. they dun have normal rains.. i have to be content with the drizzle.. they dun hav guavas in the monsoons! fuck! they dun have 'monsoons' in the first place!! grapes available the whole year! bloody cows running and walking and sitting bang at the middle of the road! ppl with no fucking sense of the road! masala chewing and spitting--irrespective of the Audi n the BMWs.. sheesha neeche kia and ******!!! *disgust!*

gosh.. this is never ending.. even my ** cant make me love this place.. :(

connecting the dots

she was perturbed.. and unperturbed about the fact that she was perturbed.. maybe she knew the reason for her being perturbed.. for the first time till that instant of her life, she was retracing to all the words she once blew into the abyss of anonymity.. and she knew that instant, that maybe it wasnt lost in that anonymity at all.. because what she thought of being just a random sliver of thought, was infact turned out to be as not at all random.. and she knew where it all connected.. and she knew the connection.. she was amazed though.. amazed, that even back then, she chose to hold on to something she never had.. something she always thought that she had.. but never had it in actuality.. all she had then was that unknown and inexplicable understanding, feel, maybe faith even.. but that was all she had.. and funnily enough, not for even once, did she question them.. and today, when she went back to all those slivers waived into oblivion, she could draw out all the strings and attach it to perfect harmony.. maybe, for once in her life, she did chose The Right One..         and so, standing today, she knew, its yet again resonating--in the end, it doesnt even matter..-- but only a  different sort.. because, what matters is what she has.. what she got.. and nothing else matters..
and she was perturbed no more..period.

*..you are in my heart now..!*

we have many songs..
many songs we have conversed with..
many we have based our talks on..
many we have fooled around with..
many we even sung along together aloud..
many we have made each other to listen..
some we fell in love with..

but this one is truly "our" song.. it was "our" song from when it all started.. and so, its special.. it says "us"..
plus, its an all-time fav of mine..! :)

because You made my sanctum sanctorum "special"!

and the vivid memories of which are etched in deep engraves across my soul..
leaving behind a trail of marks of all the fantasies coming to the fore..
somehow the material things go back in time, possessing the greatest sense of fondness and amour..
as they truly were the only witness in that beautiful twilight of dusk..

as i sit and lean back to where You were, i cant help but transport back to that time in eternity..
wherein we were all but engulfed in a lull..
oblivious to the world outside, save for each other..

and with each day i realise it more..
embraced and wrapped in that distinct aura of Yours..
i walk with chin held high..
coz its with You, i have lived my life..
taken forever and given by will..

coz its You and i have loved You..


**love**

(of)strategies and (being)strategic!

she has a b**l.. it has been a few days now.. she still has the b**l..
the 'location' is specific.. the generic part of the location is---on the face..

here comes the specific part..!
over her lips!
more specific?
beneath the nose.. over the upper lip.. in that very position.. where its not annoying in everyday activities, yet it can make her scream and yelp in pain whenever it is subject to some absolute nonchalant and carefree 'touch-ups'..

a sign of past happenings(?) or a sign for future forbiddings(?)
nevertheless, it can still be concealed to the assuming eyes.. so she still chooses to live with it.. reminding her of the past happenings..! with the mischievous smile for the future forbiddings...!!

(of)some certain definite strategies and (being)strategic! 

food (?)

im not anorexic.. neither am i bulimic.. but all said, i do definitely suffer from some sort of eating/food disorder.. i dun even binge except for, well, you know abt those single digit days of the month.. but other than that, for some reasons, i just can never be pals with food..

breakfast doesnt exist in my life.. breaking fast is courtesy one mug of coffee, black, of course, and maybe a couple of creamcrackers.. yeah.. thats the staple.. which, of late, has been on the dwindling side, to the extent of me missing out on the 'breaking' fast.. so, most of the times, nowadays, the breaking of fast happens at 1100 hrs with the coffee, alright.. so, the lunch goes for a major toss.. maybe some tit bits.. nothing for the evening as im out.. and then something called a 'forced dinner'.. which probably is the only food for the day..

but, the occasional maggi, spaghetti, papad, and parle-g's do find their way towards me.. but for some reasons, my 'body', or whatever that is left of it, never seems to agree with it in a long run.. not to mention the  soyasticks and the nutrichoice multigrain thins and aliva..

so, apparently, what stands as of now, is, im practically surviving on bites of here n there.. and yeah, this aint a good thing apparently.. or so, the folks say..

p.s. but i do love rajma, chhole, frankfurters, popcorns, corns, muri.. and my body also finds a way with them..  but, where's the "will"? and so, there aint a "way".. ;) *hopeless*