would you really term it "strange"??? well, i think you might.. but somehow, "strange"ly though, i'm not finding it "strange" enough.. yeah.. "strangely"....
n if i start recounting the various incidents, im sure, you'll be alarmed due to the degree of "strange"ness, or its due lack-off to my conscience.. but still, im not finding it "strange" at all..
conversation..random..but still enjoyable..*brownie points*..n a minute too much delay is enuf to ring fidgety-bells for me.. i start fidgeting.. going back to the last piece of message a thousand times over.. almost to the extent of memorising the total no. of characters used..refresh the page..check for the network..and curse for the lack off it..again back to the last msg..this time, just fondly looking..not 'opening' it..now thinking wats taking You so long?did i offend You in some way?? *oh shit! damn!* go back to "sent messages" n scout through every single message.. even the ones sent previous day..scrutinise..microscopic analysis..anxiety levels peaking..an then----"beep beep beep beep beeep!"---it rings! and a great sigh of relief on seeing its in continuation and the chain dint break.. *sigh*.. and all the above mentioned restlessness was just an account of 5 minutes..yeah, it was just probably "5 minutes" to all the normal sane people, but it kinda seemed to be quite an never-ending piece of eternity stretching over the zillioneth landscape of infinity..
n such used to be me.. not too long ago, that too..
but not now..not any more. "strange"???? i know, you're screaming your lungs out --"YES" but i dont find it to be..
n somehow, after that incident, i just dont feel anything.. does it mean that im over You? or does it imply that You've gone back to being just another entity in this vast universe..with just a non-specific face? if its the later, then i'll have to sadly submit myself to the 'unfirtunate' status of this happening.. but if its the former, then i dunno what to say or to feel..
but then again, all this dint come for free.. it had a very steep price attached to it..n still a part of 'payment' left to be satisfied..(something, that you've warned me of, stating drastic steps that you'll be taking if i do that..but im really sorry, somehow, i dont really see a way out of it..)
im just numb.. with all that has happened, it has left me with no further scope to feel anything..maybe, when it was all "good", it was probably so much of being good that it might have crossed all the permissible limits and thus caused al the "moral polices" to sit back and restrict those..n so, now that its not "good", somehow, after that one fateful moment in time, i dont feel it, at all.. n somehow "strangely" (yes, this time, it is!), You are no longer specific..
or, on the other hand, is this what is called "generally" as "L-O-V-E"? and this, a form of the greater assurance that comes with it? or is it just plain non-chalance on my part? that has nothing to do with any emotions that can have their strings attatched to that thing called "L-O-V-E"..?
am i reacting too much? i dunno.. maybe..maybe not..
but in the end, it doesnt even matter anymore.
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