because i'm selfish

i do a very bad and sloppy work of "goodbyes".. i tend to make a heavy weather of it.. generally speaking, that is.. and so, it should be safe to say that i am not very good with those.. in fact, i suck at them!

and so, i try not to get myself attached to things.. coz eventually, i'll have to bid them goodbye much against my wishes.. and i am guessing, that can be a plausible explanation to my otherwise walls around me(walls-- as certain people have pointed out in the past, and some caring people still make time and effort to point that out to me even now)..

i know that it strikes as real surprising to you, coz for someone accustomed with changing schools, shifting places and resettling into varied homes, goodbyes were supposed to be equally acquainted with, if not any more..

i wish i could say, i don't do goodbyes..
i wish that was an option to be put up on the resume so that people would know where to draw the line and stop..

because, i never equated changing schools and shifting places with goodbyes..

goodbyes are more vicious than that.. they scare me.. enough to put me down..
and so, i don't like goodbyes.. never liked goodbyes..

and so the anger right now..
because that's inevitable..
because, there's a painful one lurking at the corner for me..

and i'll be forced to say goodbye..
and i'll be forced to smile.

(i'll probably miss you more than you can ever think.. more than i can even possibly let you to think.. i'll miss you coz you were the one i had when i had no one..)