'occlumency'--i dunno if this term even does exist in the oxford/merriam-webster dictionary.. naaah! im way to lazy to lift my ass up and bear the trouble of going over to my cupboard in the other room, just to check this--i learnt this term courtesy 'Harry Potter : The Order Of The Phoenix'.. (so, people are kindly advised to refer to the above said book for any further look-ups about this term, per se)
it means, 'blocking of the mind'.. occlumency..
anyway.. i realised that its no point in lying around or sitting around with a sad face or going about the daily life with a frustrating demeanor . yes, agreed, that the last 3 weeks have not been any easy.. neither were they anywhere close to be 'happy'.. if at all, they were dark, gloomy, horrifying, terrifying, morbid and all other adjectives belonging to the same family.. and well, i had to deal with them all.. aint no option, otherwise.. to really speak of it.. and putting on a strong exterior for the sake of the people around me, kinda drained me off.. well, it still is.. draining me off, that is.. so, speaking of which, i had my moments wherein i faltered.. wherein i gave in to the gloom.. wherein i also yearned for my p.a..'s presence.. ended up doing something i never thought of doing in actual reality even in my dreams..and all said and done, i did eventually come around to the fact that, this thing is gonna stay for a definite sometime now.. and i better get back in dealing with it.. 'coz i have to.. and since there's not an option here, and i have to do it sooner or later or eventually, i chose 'sooner'.. coz, its been enough late, anyway..
and diverting the mind doesnt work here.. yes, its that grave and that bad.. the mind refuses to even budge from it to anywhere else.. so here comes the 'occlumency' part..
cooking for own self--right from the cutting-to-washing-to-chopping-to-soaking-to-ultimately putting it all in a pressure cooker-to-adding the spices-to-finally lighting up the gas--is probably the most pleasure giving chore, ever! and yes, it gave me the much needed 'breather'.. it made me to stop 'thinking'.. and i was eventually 'forced' to put all my mind into the rhythmic motion of the knife on the chopping board.. and to pay extra attention to my freshly painted-red nails! nothing extravagant.. a simple meal for just myself.. at the end of which, i realised that i ended up with 'paradise' on my lips and the entire time when i was engaged in the activity, i was not 'thinking'.. 'occlumency'.. thats how it came back to me..
i know, fully well, that this too shall pass.. and up until it happens, it's gonna be a hell of a harrowing time for me.. and i have to live through it.. all of it.. and i can't be the cribbing.. and i know, at least one thing that will help me catch a breather.. even when i don't get to have the luxury of p.a.
sigh! if only Harry Potter knew about this simple thing.. he could have been spared the trouble of putting up with Snape for those daily lessons!
it means, 'blocking of the mind'.. occlumency..
anyway.. i realised that its no point in lying around or sitting around with a sad face or going about the daily life with a frustrating demeanor . yes, agreed, that the last 3 weeks have not been any easy.. neither were they anywhere close to be 'happy'.. if at all, they were dark, gloomy, horrifying, terrifying, morbid and all other adjectives belonging to the same family.. and well, i had to deal with them all.. aint no option, otherwise.. to really speak of it.. and putting on a strong exterior for the sake of the people around me, kinda drained me off.. well, it still is.. draining me off, that is.. so, speaking of which, i had my moments wherein i faltered.. wherein i gave in to the gloom.. wherein i also yearned for my p.a..'s presence.. ended up doing something i never thought of doing in actual reality even in my dreams..and all said and done, i did eventually come around to the fact that, this thing is gonna stay for a definite sometime now.. and i better get back in dealing with it.. 'coz i have to.. and since there's not an option here, and i have to do it sooner or later or eventually, i chose 'sooner'.. coz, its been enough late, anyway..
and diverting the mind doesnt work here.. yes, its that grave and that bad.. the mind refuses to even budge from it to anywhere else.. so here comes the 'occlumency' part..
cooking for own self--right from the cutting-to-washing-to-chopping-to-soaking-to-ultimately putting it all in a pressure cooker-to-adding the spices-to-finally lighting up the gas--is probably the most pleasure giving chore, ever! and yes, it gave me the much needed 'breather'.. it made me to stop 'thinking'.. and i was eventually 'forced' to put all my mind into the rhythmic motion of the knife on the chopping board.. and to pay extra attention to my freshly painted-red nails! nothing extravagant.. a simple meal for just myself.. at the end of which, i realised that i ended up with 'paradise' on my lips and the entire time when i was engaged in the activity, i was not 'thinking'.. 'occlumency'.. thats how it came back to me..
i know, fully well, that this too shall pass.. and up until it happens, it's gonna be a hell of a harrowing time for me.. and i have to live through it.. all of it.. and i can't be the cribbing.. and i know, at least one thing that will help me catch a breather.. even when i don't get to have the luxury of p.a.
sigh! if only Harry Potter knew about this simple thing.. he could have been spared the trouble of putting up with Snape for those daily lessons!
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