him and You

and this is what i call wierd..
and this is one kinda surprise which i dont like..
though maybe on the surface it apparently manages to put up a wry smile..
but somewhere deep inside, it wrecks me up, to no bounds..

and it all had to happen yesterday night..
when technically its already another day..
past the worldly hour of the midnight..
it first took its seeds in that deep hallows of the twilight..

i had my last words of the night with him..
a routine, which has been..
and an average of three hours it seems..
is what the norm is for the time being..

way past the midnight, after i shut up all my knocking doors..
i took to that movie, and for some reasons, ended up thinking about him..
i might have even missed him..
and strangely enough, it wasnt long before i realised i was actually wishing for him to be here..

i went to sleep missing him in my head..
try as i might, i was unable to rid him off my mind..
and so he stayed there..
disturbing in his own undisturbed state..
with all his words from the night before echoing back in my ears..

i fall off in my slumber..
and before i know, i was in another world..
a world i have known..
only in definite number of times..

and there were You..
with all Your laughs and gallant chivalry..
with that slant smile that sweeps me off..
everytime You face me..
Your arms around my waist..
'coz thats only how You know it..
walking with matching steps..
on ground and on all levels..
never a moment where We let go..
forever staying in that hold..
Yours in mine, and mine around You..

i dont remember anything after that..
apart from the fact that i wake up..
and its not long before i realise..
that something was bugging me from deep inside..
the routine talks and the consequent abrupt "missings" i can understand..
but the strange dream to follow immediaetly, is what puzzles me..
add to that, the fact that I'm being mad at You..
and holding on desperately to my decision of not 'talking' to You..

it seems to me as if..
the dream was just Your way of emphasizing Your place in me..
something maybe You felt cornered by..

and this is precisely what i call as weird..
'coz, before i could even realise..
i see that i have  almost written quite a blabber..
about something which otherwise could just have been brushed aside..
non-chalantly..
but its the him and You..
which will never make me push this into the realms of non-chalance..
i probably, can afford..
not to give a damn about him..
but in no way can i even think..
of not giving even a rat's ass to You..
and everything that concerns You..
even if its beyond Your awareness..

because, for all that it has been then..
and for all that it is now..
i can never ignore the stupid miss and the elated skip..
with every mention whatsoever and howsoever...
of You..

because, maybe..
even with Your unknowing..
You do have Your place in me..
for which, even in the dream..
You felt the need to dig deep..

and maybe.. just maybe..
this goes on to ascertain the fact..
i may never be whole again..
'coz there's a part of me
which can never be "just me"..