You always reached out to me and
helped me believe
All those memories we share
I will cherish every one of them
The truth of it is there’s a right way to live
And you showed me
So now you live on in the words of a song
You’re a melody

You stand here with me now

Just when fear blinded me
you taught me to dream
I’ll give you everything I am
and still fall short of
What you’ve done for me
In this life that I live
I hope I can give love unselfishly
I’ve learned the world is bigger than me
You’re my daily dose of reality

You stand here with me now

On and on we sing
On and on we sing this song

‘Cause you stand here with me

There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me

Dreiundzwanzigte Juli, Mumbai.

and yet again, another teary eyed farewell.. this place definitely has stirred up some real wierd stuffs within me.. coz, they have started to flow a bit too freely offlate.. n with the association that runs deep beneath, it gets real hard..even when the physical presence of significance continue to be absent..because its then i realise that sometimes memories and time decide to play a real cruel game with me.. n i just wish---------"oblivi​ate".

so, is this love?

you come up in every conversation. as subtle hints or brash 'as-a-matter-of-fact' mention.

so, is this love?

your stories play in my mind and your 'lessons' are never lost. your images are conjured in the most significantly unwarned manner.

so, is this love?

there were things i never used to even give a glance at. now my eyes never fail to find specifically those items and even hover around them.

so, is this love?

i may never bother to search you out. but that doesnt stop me either from being happy by seeing you around.

so, is this love?

p.s.: excerpts from an engaging soliloque of a wandering mindsoul.

pseudo-ism@ your service, ma'am!

well, if its really wrong and unjust to apply the law of "universality" to everyone LITERALLY, then i'm at fault.. n i dont even darn plead guilty!

and if there happens to be one thing which i can never accept, then that would be 'deceit' and 'fake'.. and 'not sticking to what you say' follows as a corollary to it, which also comes in a close second, if i may. and IRRESPECTIVE of the individual happening to be responsible for the afore-mentioned act, my responsive reaction unfortunately happens to be the same. and that is where the law of "universality" comes in. because, its such a sham, that those certain specific individuals say them in such dizzyingly unfortunate manner of uttering, all complete with the puffing of chest and rolling of fist, that their 'actions' fail to live up to that reputation and standard. and B-O-O-M!! it all comes crashing down.

call me crude, cold, rude and what all may, coz i at least LIVE by what i say! and so, i choose my words CAREFULLY. and i give a darn at what people have to think about me.

p.s.: what hurts the most is when the ONE person you grew up loving falls in that above mentioned category.

the "ending" refuses to end.

she was shaken..stirred..astonished..and scared.. she didnt know how to call this phenomenon which she had just experienced..

she was dreaming.. and for once, it was a beautiful dream, in broad daylight! beautiful, in terms of the events unfolding in the dream and also in terms of the people involved in the dream.. and yes, she might have even smiled in her sleep..

she was spending her last day with them at one of them's place.. it was afternoon.. she, the host (he-1), her closest friend, he-2 and another friend, he-3.. in the begining, it was she, he-1 and he-3.. watching tv.. she was tired, so she was resting her head on his shoulder.. and probably almost would have dozed off..then the bell rings, and he-2 comes in.. she smiled looking at him and he-2 knew he had to take her.. the rest of the afternoon was spent with he-2 cuddling her, and sitting with his arms around her..an occasional secret kiss and all the love he could probably give her in her last moments with him.. she loved him.. and so did he.. her petite frame in his big man hands.. his big strong arms and his gentle yet firm grip.. these were just the trivials.. the best was always wrapped in the most secretive coverings and shared only between the two of them.. and so they sat that way.. he-1 got busy with some hose works and he-3 decided to leave.. she knew she had to go too, and so did he-2..coz, she was leaving the city, but he-2 was leaving more than just the city..she gets up to leave.. he-2 also decides to go with her.. some last few and penultimate moments in exclusivity with her..

she woke up.. happy..feeling a bit wierd that she would dream about he-2, but she almost passed it off as just another dream which she sometimes dreamt involving some people who have made some bit of influence on her..but yet she was not entirely at peace..something about the dream was bothering her..and she didnt know what.. and she looks at her cell n finds a msg waiting for her.. and she knew why she was not at ease about her dream! the msg was from he-2!

so, was she dreaming because he-2 msged? or did her dream induced he-2 to msg her? she didnt know..

and she still thinks about the dream and the msg..and an eeerie feeling makes its way up her spine.

I'm still loving You

he never liked her sad..he never liked her branding herself as bad.."toh sudhar jao", was the maximum that he ever used to tell her, inspite of her repeated provocations..

n she thought, was she really testing him a bit too much? if yes, then what exactly was she really insisting on proving? wasnt his integrity towards her was proven all these times, time and again? his solidarity she never questioned..his diligence, faith, trust, inexplicable belief, fondness, love. and then she found herself at the other end of her questioning.. "why".. n how far would she really go and to what extremes would she test his being with her? at what cost, against her "heartbreak"? when deep within she knew, where her "heart" beats..

and she knew, she could never forgive herself.

i know i have hurt you, but just that you know, it hurts me most.. because i know u understand, but you still grieve..
i have something which im gonna keep with me forever..a sign of yours.. and it will be always with love..

and it breaks me to see you hurting :'( and i need the strength, so can you please "smile", one last time for my sake?


p.s.: you'll know it.

the picture-(im)perfect

and the end is very near now.. almost at a sniffing distance..

(well, this part of what im gonna write now is more associated with the "ending" of a "life", as in the conventional norms and the meanings of "life".. but nevertheless, the "metaphorical" affinity that i have, im extending it to what i would like to define.. *chuckle!*)

people say, "when you know you are at your final stages of your life, drawing the gasps of the last remaining airs as permitted by your lungs, you tend to see, or, have the flashes of the most beautiful and fond memories of your long/short life's worth. and more often than not, the real major part of those memory flashes belong to those specific individuals (often classified as "living beings") with whom, knowingly or unknowingly or deliberately "classified by yourself n your inner conscience" as unknowingly, you've had the most wonderful and lovely moments of your entire lifetime. and then, it doesnt really matter, how long or short, your association was with that "living being" in question."

this is the most simple of observations. n something that will never run into the danger of being refuted!

so, standing where i am right now, as i can percieve the "end", i have some very clear  images that are forming a beautiful canvas in my mind (or heart?!). beautiful memories, 'love'ly feelings n probably the very bestest of rendezvous. and yes, the major part of the canvas is taken over by one living being, a "homo sapien" to be precise. and surprisingly, the time reference is the least time of associations..

call it a coincidence, the "ending" also coincides with the homo sapien in question here! though, in a different light.. ;)

just like a dying man's last wish, i too have a "wish" (and a hope) that culminates to a picture perfect frame, before me finally felling the curtains and the credits rolling to "THE END"..
the "wish(es)" may not be extravagant, but they definitely are exuberent in emotions n feelings. (well, i'm a girl, at the end of the day! and a 'crab'by one at that too!) so, my perfect scene unfolds thus:

the twilight falling, gradually making its way to the dusk..i can see the last fading rays of the setting sun..almost as if like, it doesnt want to go, but yet it has to..doesnt want to create the impression of a hopefull utopia..(hope, it says, is good.. but it is the best, to only live with the "hope" and never to promote it to higher credits..it is only "hope").. i watch the sun go down, with that warm glow till the end..i sit looking ahead.. i see the silvery waves now.. they want to reach up to me, but i keep that tantalising distance.. cuz, i know, any association might pull me back and make my arrivederci painful..and i dont want it that way.. and so i sit.. under the stars and the queen's necklace.. b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l. and with the homo-sapien in question.. next to me..both of ours favourite spot, that..with arms around me and a light shower.. its as perfect as it can get.. moving over from there, as the "dusk" finally turns jet-black, heading for 'intoxication'..and a strange song starts plying in my mind,
"When shadows fall, I pass a small cafe,Where we would dance at night,And I can't help recalling how it Felt to kiss and hold you tight...."
n im reminded of the sweet kiss at midnight---that resembled both the initiation and the termination.. we leave from there, with me standing on the rocks "with arms wide open, under the (moon)light" taking in the last whiff of the place, wishing the memories would also go wihtin me with the air that i breathe in, as my parting shot.. you walk me down to my "home", n i realise that it is my last walk with you.. i dun want to let you go, but i know that i have to.. and i should. we both stand there.. have so many things to say, but unaware of how to do them..n all we end up with is wishing desperately that each of us understands what each wants the other to understand. the last goodbye. and the last kiss.. of love. of austerity. i'll take with me the kiss, n keep it in the "am besten" casket..safe and secure.. hidden from all......

it all seems so perfect.. perfect in the ending itself.. but sometimes, the imperfections are the bestest justifications of all the beautiful 'conspirations'.. and so, i intend to keep it at the imperfectionest best.. coz, that will carry the "hope" of my return for its "perfection".. and "hope" floats, always.

so, it will be sans the twilight, sans the silvery waves, sans the queen's necklace n the light shower, sans the 'intoxication'.. but strangely enough, it WILL be with the homo sapien, with the homo sapien walking me down to my "home".. sometimes, even the imperfectionest ending is most perfectly imperfect. n so maybe, i was supposed to have my last goodbye with the homo sapien.