it should technically get better..with each and every passing day.. after all, its said, "time" is the best healer..so, as per that,it IS bloody goddamit supposed to function exactly that ways!

but its not.. n in fact far far away from it..and it becomes more n much more profound this time (of the year)..its a desperate try of mine, to turn mutant to it, n everything of it n associated with it.. n with each passing day, its thrashed..literally..violently..this time of the year..

coz, rather than taking me far away from it, it actually gets me to that special place.. a place, where i no longer wanna be..

n no my dear.. this doesnt bear the tag "you n i"..

just..so...

can i say that i love you?
'coz, you know what-- i really do..
and there exists no such means and measures
for me to tell you, how much-so-ever
that i do!

so, i just wanna say--
I Love You.

cacophonic silence

 it was funny.. coz i dint know that it'll happen..
its stil funny, coz its hard to believe that it actually happened..
psychology,....., you say.. n so do i.. but how do you go on to define?
i cant, n so, i leave it on you.. you see, n you decide :)


its funny because, even though of 'speaking' everyday (nyt), we dint 'speak', per se..n all of a sudden, the desire n the urge to 'speak' n 'hear' you became so prudent n prominent, that even before i could realise n reason with myself, it had broken the shackles of all the realisations n came forth.. it was like, as if its hung there.. omnipresent..only, making its presence felt today, in everything...every sensation.. the air, the wind, the sky, the clouds, the light, the dark, the moon.... but i still reasoned..vehemently.. you see, im afraid and scared..i dun wanne be left scarred..again..n then a compromise.. i imagined.. n i was happy.. coz i neednt be scarred again....

but, then it was realised..you made it realise.. the omnipresent presence was never so signified..n for a mo' wen i heared you, i was lost.. for words, for feelings, for realisation, for reason.. i was, just n simply, lost.. blissfully so.. n wen i came back (n wen you made me come back) , i embraced it all..the air, the wind, the sky, the clouds, the light, the dark, the moon..

*shut up!*
:)
<3

why is it so, n why is it not so?

why is it that we both have to get the calls from those specific people on the same day?
why is it that you can tell me abt it so uninhibitedy and i cant?
inspite of the fact that there exists no secrets between us, why is it still that i cant recount it to you?
why do i always feel engulfed in that wierd feeling and sensation wenever you tell me abt that?
and why i dun seem to have any answer to any of the above questions?
and why my not having answers to these questions bothers me to no end?

situations..telepathy..n j! :(

situational similarity..rather situational "same-pinch".. and surprisingly though, had it been other matter, i probably would have laughed it off taking pride in it.. but somehow, for some wierd inexplicable reason n feeling, im not happy.. in fact there is a well defined feeling and a continuous subjection towards a definite and steady jabs of jealousy..or, as it can be said, "pangs of jealousy" (sic)..and it involves the "telephone", "a voice" and maybe something else too.. and unfortunately it all coincides.. :(
there lies one difference though.. a big one.. and it has to do with the awareness.. im aware of it.. n you're not.. n there the difference starts and ends ther itself.. im aware, n so, i get the "jabs".. you're not, n so, maybe, you dun even know..
i hear a voice saying "oh c'mon now, stop being so privy..let him be happy..after all thats all you were aiming n thats wat you should want too"..and then it also says "happiness, but not in this manner"..

yes.. its as clear as it can get.. now.. and probably, it has been this way..since, even i've forgotten, wen..

yes im j..n i get j.. with every mention of it..n every hope of it..

maane ki?? :)

pujo maane--
notun jama, notun jooto;
ghure-berano aar boi-bondo ;)
notun shaaj, she-i pran;
aar she-i prane-te, notun gaan..

pujo maane--
she-i chena raasta-e ochena shaaj,
charidik aalo-e bhora akash,
loke'r dekha-e mukhe haashi,
aar, she-i haashi-te bhora ei shoba'r shaaj! :)

tai to pujo..aar ki, abar? :)

pseudo-BONG(ing)!!!! :)

i've often ended up wondering about the possibility of 'mistaken identity' concerning me.. coz, however hard i try, i always find myself to be thoroughly averse to the very 'bong' element. which, by far, should have been something innate.. n which is all and evrything, BUT that :P n it goes without definite mention that im not even doing much to make it an 'acquired' phenomenon either..
so, finally, i've made peace with me being "pseudo-bong"! where all my "bong"-ing is limited to me being born to "thorough-bred bong parents"!

so, coming back to the present day..;)
its mahalaya! the day that marks the descent of "goddess durga" on the mortal ground..n the preceding night, i'd made loadsa plans with pops regarding the time he should be waking me up n wat station to listen to n wat not..n well, it kinda remained at just 'plans'.. :P
n so, the day starts with me receiving the first "shubho mahalaya" msg from my (then once) (girl)friend :);) *chuckle*.. a complete bong msg..n my first reaction to it was just a blank stare at my phone's screen for sometime.. n it was only after a good 40 mins, did i think of passing on the 'same' msg to some other ppl (read: significant ppl).. one of the underlying characteristics of a 'pseudo-bong'.. ;)

n of those ppl (read: significant ppl) whom i passed on the msg, one happens to be a certain gujju-punjabi :P with some amalgamation of tamil, marathi n wat not!!! (n sincerely and fervently hope, that if "you" happen to be reading this, im not grounded afterwards!:P) n the very first reaction "ye kya hai re?translate karna:)"
n then it hits--BANG! i'll have to "TRANSLATE" this "bong" piece entirely!!!! n word-by-word not just the rough estimate of it! n so, i start.. a laborious plodding at the bong-translate-to-english task.. n it took me a good part of the 30 mins spent in that! but the end result..???
well, just as i mentioned, it always pays if the person is anything but bong.. :P n so, wat followed was "nice msg"..further followed by "nice translation" ":)" (n it also pays "handsomely" if the "person" happens to be happily biased for you!)


n so, there it was.. my first take on "pseudo-BONG-ing"!! :D

p.s. : the other two ppl (read: significant ppl) happened to be mamma n pops.. i recieved a "shubho mahalaya" from pops [:)] n a quite "visibily" happily surprised call from mamma :P

n yeah, its still "you", who got my famous attempt of its translation! ;)

shubho mahalaya.