there is always a trigger point. yes. always something to make you start with something. some instigating factor. a stimulus, at least. sometimes it takes a turn for the good. sometimes it's just a cause for trouble. and other times, the good somehow stays grudgingly behind the scenes until the frustrated being (here, in this instance, the person on whom the stimuli has acted very strongly, thereby evoking a very VERY strong and powerful reaction) is almost the teeth end of the frustratingly huge stash of patience, which she had at her disposal.
Anyhoo, I am still trying my hardest to hold on to the last slivers of the patience, and also simultaneously trying a little bit more harder to somehow increase and/or built upon those slivers. * breathe in breathe out * * this is going to a night of long rambles * * also, it feels such a bliss to be just sitting, oblivious to the surrounding. just me. it feels so peaceful. * * and rewarding* * DAMN right, I have earned it. *
I am somehow taken back 7 years down the memory lane. one particular instance, in fact, marks a very prominent presence. it was one random night. I remember, I was not in my cheerful self. I don't remember, but something was bothering me pretty much. it was somewhat late at night too. I remember, telling pops, I wanted to take the car out. it was Swift at that time. and pops, just said, OK. lets go. that's it. no questions asked. no explanations demanded. and it was the two of us. just like that. going out. taking the car out at night. to those trip on the empty roads. I still remember it very vividly. pops was as calm as if it was a vey normal thing to do. take the car out for a drive late at night. no one spoke a word. we didn't cross the speed limit either. and we came back after half hour. and pops just went about as if it was the most normal thing to do. and he went to bed, saying gnite to me.
I miss that now.
I miss not being answerable to anyone. I miss the person, who made it seem all so normal that night. when truth be told, it was nothing normal about that night, nor was anything normal about the reasons that eventually led upto that night.
and today also, I was out on the streets. I had the car. though, not for the drive on empty roads at night. it was in the middle of the peak evening traffic scenes. through one of the most congested streets. surprisingly, even that had a calming effect. mush needed, now I realise in hindsight.
speaking about hindsight, I guess it was all getting built up. last couple weeks, I went on a reading overdrive. almost finished 4 books over a span of 8 days, which includes, two back to back reads. and I realised, I should put a stop. I did. somehow it felt like I was spiralling outwards.
funny, how I myself have to be my own anchor.
funny, not because, there ain't any one. but because somehow it goes unsaid. like some unsaid rule. and it all stays at that. in the air. in the minds. in thoughts. in ideas. in speculations.
and you realise, you are pretty much a pro in hiding behind the cover of non sense conversations. maybe even accompanied by some crazy laughs. or, like in this case, hiding behind the pretext of this ramblings.
and after so much of rambling, I realise what a mess I have done.
for, I had initially thought to brag about something. even had the post name, photo, etc, all ready. but here I am. almost half a page's worth of rambling nonsense. hiding behind this accumulation of sentences.
I guess, that one is for another time then. I should really stop here. else, I have a feeling that this ramblings might just go on. and everything should stop.
until some better time. for the original intended post.
Anyhoo, I am still trying my hardest to hold on to the last slivers of the patience, and also simultaneously trying a little bit more harder to somehow increase and/or built upon those slivers. * breathe in breathe out * * this is going to a night of long rambles * * also, it feels such a bliss to be just sitting, oblivious to the surrounding. just me. it feels so peaceful. * * and rewarding* * DAMN right, I have earned it. *
I am somehow taken back 7 years down the memory lane. one particular instance, in fact, marks a very prominent presence. it was one random night. I remember, I was not in my cheerful self. I don't remember, but something was bothering me pretty much. it was somewhat late at night too. I remember, telling pops, I wanted to take the car out. it was Swift at that time. and pops, just said, OK. lets go. that's it. no questions asked. no explanations demanded. and it was the two of us. just like that. going out. taking the car out at night. to those trip on the empty roads. I still remember it very vividly. pops was as calm as if it was a vey normal thing to do. take the car out for a drive late at night. no one spoke a word. we didn't cross the speed limit either. and we came back after half hour. and pops just went about as if it was the most normal thing to do. and he went to bed, saying gnite to me.
I miss that now.
I miss not being answerable to anyone. I miss the person, who made it seem all so normal that night. when truth be told, it was nothing normal about that night, nor was anything normal about the reasons that eventually led upto that night.
and today also, I was out on the streets. I had the car. though, not for the drive on empty roads at night. it was in the middle of the peak evening traffic scenes. through one of the most congested streets. surprisingly, even that had a calming effect. mush needed, now I realise in hindsight.
speaking about hindsight, I guess it was all getting built up. last couple weeks, I went on a reading overdrive. almost finished 4 books over a span of 8 days, which includes, two back to back reads. and I realised, I should put a stop. I did. somehow it felt like I was spiralling outwards.
funny, how I myself have to be my own anchor.
funny, not because, there ain't any one. but because somehow it goes unsaid. like some unsaid rule. and it all stays at that. in the air. in the minds. in thoughts. in ideas. in speculations.
and you realise, you are pretty much a pro in hiding behind the cover of non sense conversations. maybe even accompanied by some crazy laughs. or, like in this case, hiding behind the pretext of this ramblings.
and after so much of rambling, I realise what a mess I have done.
for, I had initially thought to brag about something. even had the post name, photo, etc, all ready. but here I am. almost half a page's worth of rambling nonsense. hiding behind this accumulation of sentences.
I guess, that one is for another time then. I should really stop here. else, I have a feeling that this ramblings might just go on. and everything should stop.
until some better time. for the original intended post.
