the Charm!

the charm of the 25th..

you ask "what?"
i gush. "oh yeah!"

before any further, that's the reason i say its the charm:

• it's a Girl! a sweet lil' princess with pretty eyes and oh-so-dainty!
• bitchy session with the Clone! (oh yes, i so needed that!)
• frozen mango yogurt for two.. identical.. and i get the one with real mango pieces! and big ones!!!

p.s. the above incidents are all unrelated and have no resemblance whatsoever with each other.
p.p.s 25th works it's charm even on a Monday!
p.p.p.s Blabber-ing helps too! *Chuckle*

Night'mares'

they are generally of the order of monsters hiding under the bed.. mostly during nights.. second mostly in dark rooms, when the lights are off.. at least that's how it used to be some two and a half decades back.. i strongly believed that Mamma had magic powers in her fingers and the monsters were rendered immovable even with her standing at the doorway.. and at that moment i used to feel like the greatest and the bravest power! albeit 'borrowed'! but the hell with it! it was my Mamma!

two and a half decades since then.. i have grown.. pretty much vertically till the time gravity caught up.. no more afraid of dark rooms.. somewhat skeptical of my early days' belief  of Mamma's magic fingers.. new found love for Grimm's Fairy Tales for what it really is and not for what it was portrayed to be as and yet at the same time being tremendously fascinated by the manner in which it was successful in portraying what it did.. made a mental note of the camouflage tips..

but, two and a half decades later, nightmares still exist.. maybe not in the form of monsters under the bed.. for, now, my bed has no 'under the bed' provision! and thus proves the fact that monsters don't really hide under the bed and pounce upon you when it is completely dark..

nightmares.. they still manage to bug me.. exactly a year back i had it at worst.. or so i'd thought.. and the effect of it being, me booking tickets to my cities of love.. back to back weekends.. of course long weekends helped.. and love sure helped! and so i'd thought that i had the last of it.. the last of waking up, startled, in the middle of the night with statements floating around in empty space taking scary forms..
which brings me to this very term "nightmares".. is it something to do with "horses"?  but, if you ask me, they aren't that vicious even in their looks.. bushy tail and dopey eyes.. and the 'mares' are definitely the most polite ones! they even let people on top of them! so, they ain't the evil messengers..

but maybe, it really has something to do with "horses".. Harry Potter had "Thestrals".. and they were scary.. at least scary looking.. so maybe, night'mares' indeed..

enough with horses, i think..
the bottom line being, they still happen.. they still hold true.. irrespective of dark rooms or under the bed.. irrespective of someone else's magical powers.. they exist..

and they still somehow find their way back at me.. sometimes as 'statements'.. sometimes as 'teeth'.. and sometimes as weird feelings that blur the thin line of distinction between dreamland and reality..

p.s. high time, these night'mares' metamorphose into unicorns.. i can definitely do with some magic, now that the city of love is too far away. 

questions

how do you really know what matters?
is it the approval or the decision?
or is it the knowledge that it's your responsibility?

and if it really is about responsibility, then how do you know "responsibility" from something that is not?
again, how do you know what is what and what is not?
what do you decide to be the how?

when do you decide the what? and why do you settle on the how?
is it because of who?

if it is, then, who?
how does even who matter?

unbeknownst.

i miss you
a wee bit more than i usually do

i wish you were here
in person to tell me, all that you used to.
i wish for it
a wee bit more than before.

i miss your chats.
i miss you all set and ready with a stick daring anyone to say shit about me.

i miss your plans.
i miss your words.
i miss you tip-toeing.
i miss your playful prying.

i miss you most.
unbeknownst.

happenings

things happen..
sometimes all at once..
sometimes nothing at once..
sometimes, it all happens in a set order.
sometimes, happenings are chaotic..

i have been told myself, all through my years of existence. "it happens". "it will happen". "it had to happen". "shit happens".
i have said myself the same things all through my years of living.

and then when you really hope for something to happen, you don't really get that happening. and again the same loop.

so, for me, it goes like this.

something happens.
i try to get a hang of things.
dip my toe in the water and the stuff.
then comes a big wave.
frantic case of flying arms and hope for a rubber dinghy.
float for a bit.
get used to the excitement.
and then it's a flatland.


and i get "this happens" from someone, somewhere.


p.s. patience, i must have. maybe turn to "Fishermen".
p.p.s patience.