cold reply

she almost jumped with joy when the doorbell rang.. 1800 hrs.. the only person to beckon at that hr had to be the courier.. and yes, that was THE reason of joy..
she signed off the package and shut the door.. ran to her room top speed.. she was getting late for her classes.. prior commitments.. she scoured her room, rather, her messy room, for a safe and apparently secret place to hide her package..
it bore his name.. it bore his handwriting.. it bore her name in his hand.. after 7 years.. the familiar curves, dots and the lines..and the feeling was priceless..7 years..and still, it took her breath away..skipped a beat..

she knew what was in it.. a fortnight back only she had posted it to him.. and so, this was just the returning.. her book.. her priceless treasure.. her one-of-the-favorites.. eventually going on to become one of his as well..
choices..they still manage to coincide..

fiddling fingers and scissors.. yes.. he had been very careful in packing.. he treasured her treasure.. he promised her.. he kept his.. snip-snip.. the book.. just the way she had sent it.. she was glad.. she now shares something precious with him. and she has something of him with her.. his essence.. his touch.. and the book will always bear the testimony.. she decided, she could live with that.. she was happy to live with that.. another look at the cover in which it came.. careful plastic wrapped.. taped.. cello-tape..just the way it's perfect.. and there was the surprise.. her surprise.. from him..

a white ruled sheet of paper of a scribble pad..
and she knew what was in it.. and she couldn't believe her eyes..

a letter from a person who doesn't believe in letters.. she realised she was grinning like a person who is stoned on grass.. she didn't care.. she could care less.. she could even care less about the grass.. she had his letter.. a letter for her..

happiness was never defined in any better way than what was writ large on her face then..

her immediate action was some furious hitting of letters on the virtual keypad on her touchscreen.. yes.. she had to let him know.. he had to know.. she thought she could manage it in one.. mistaken.. two.. three.. four.. four texts.. she could have gone even further.. but she stopped.. he is out travelling.. having fun.. meeting friends.. she dint wanna be the intruder.. yet.. she couldn't stop replying.. four is enough..

she knew her messages won't be reaching him in a hurry.. nor did she expect any reply(sic)..

four hours later..she was caught off-guard with her phone flashing that colored l.e.d.. a reply.. his name.. his reply.. she had her hopes high.. she got her hopes high.. big mistake..

three words.. that was all that was there.. and she came hurtling back in the white flash of the reality..
good to know.. 

'clone'd memory

july 2007..

it was midnight madness.. our silent din behind the closed doors of our room, were not apparently silent enough, as they allowed a peek into our madness.. the spy got a view (which later made it way in the form of a very illustrative and colourful narrative to the much loyal naniji's ears), and so did the night birds.. and we might even have scared some of those oft wandering petty thieves of the neighbourhood!

and it was all about the clone trying to drill the Environmental Science shitness into my skull.. some mere 24 hrs before i was scheduled to pour it all out on the university exam answer sheets..

6 years on..
july 2013..

its the same shitness that i'm staring into.. only difference this time its a 100 marks paper.. its more "legal".. its the same fight going way into the night.. the din is more metaphorical.. with no petty neighbourhood thieves to scare, except for the bad dreams and demons within.. and no clone for the madness breaks either..

just me staring into the rylands-fletcher's case.. its water pollution all over gain..
shitness..
encore!


p.s. damn you! why the hell dun i get to see you more often than as compared to once in two years, and that too for a collective of 24 hrs? 

once-upon-a-time's fond memories turned bitter :(

once upon a time, darling,
we were everything.

we were bright smiles and grins, laughter and happiness.
we were late nights and bleary eyes, frantic typing and breathless words.

we were the idiosyncratic combination,
the flawed perfection.

we were so much, darling, and now we are so little.

we could become so much more, but perhaps we never will.


p.s. because i promised, there will be no more of "YOU n I"..and keep this promise, i will..

fashion faux pas!

i bet, i was an eye-sore for all those fashionistas that i was surrounded with on that moonlit night..

ivory white dress + red bangles + black earrings + royal blue bag + pink ballerinas + sparkly blue kohl!!!!!


perfect silver mis-natch!

and i admit, retrospection is a very powerful too!

*madness personified!

calender 2014

as of today, that's how January, 2014 reads to me:

• Bombay
• Delhi
• Bangalore
• Hyderabad

to say, these are the 'main' stops.. 

Bombay, definitely, goes without any saying.. home + heart + love + soul..

also, the new year, plus the birthday.. in fact, it might even run in the plural, if i can make it.. *wink!

Delhi, for the girl.. for the long awaited meet, gossip, talks, shares, love, and a hell lotta plans.. another indispensable for the winter.. *love!

Bangalore, now, Bengaluru, is more of a desire.. for celebration.. for making up of the lost time in (our) last meet.. for our omnipresent plans of taking a trip to anywhere.. *giggles!

Hyderabad.. well, well.. what else can i say.. was in the cards for Jan 2013.. the logistics didn't match (then).. had to deal with angry faces, sour moods and sharp jibes.. so, it's like a by-default carry forward.. though, i'm pretty sure, the consequences of a failure will be maximized manifold.. so, better not be a failure this time around.. *chuckles!

and of course, there are some other in-betweens.. there's a wishful thinking of Jaipur and Agra, along with Delhi.. which is entirely the spinsters or the hen plans.. again, wishful thinking, as of now.. *sigh!

and then of course, pretty much certain that the Hyderabad, will have other strings attached.. *grins!

and when there's a Bombay listed, there can be a very big and bright chance for Pune, as well.. {#Serendipity ,someone?! notwithstanding, the never ending conversation over the never ending refills of coffee!} plus, of course, and ALWAYS, the M features.. *mvah!

and if everything goes as per clockwork, or even otherwise, the Birthday and the Madness, never really can be afar.. *craziness!

so, that's my January..

the way it reads now..

still sometime for the countdown.. but who cares, yours truly, has already begun hers.. *ecstatic!

"farewell"

Wherever you're going
I wanna go
Wherever you're heading
Can you let me know
I don't mind catching up
I'm on my way
Just can't take the thought of you miles away

I will write to tell you what's going on
But you won't miss nothing but the same old song
If you don't mind catching up
I'll spend the day telling you stories about a land far away
But I know

And I know you're going somewhere to make a better life
I hope that you find it on the first try
And even though it kills me
That you have to go
I know it'll be sadder
If you never hit the road

And I'm gon' try to hold it all in
Try to hold back my tears
So it don't make you stay here, yeah
I'mma try to be a big girl now
Cause I don't wanna be
The reason you don't leave

Farewell
Somebody is gonna miss you
Farewell
Somebody is gonna wish that you were here
Farewell
Somebody is gonna miss you
Farewell
Somebody is gonna wish that you were here
That somebody is me

am I? are You? will You? Should WE?

"he is a good guy.. he's a very good person person.. i like him.. i spoke to him.. and i know that he's a good one.. i'm happy for you, baby..", she told me this.. she kept on telling this to me whenever i doubted myself.. doubted about the 'company'..

there were a few startling revealations.. startling, i say, because, i never really saw them coming out in the broad daylight(metaphoriacally).. but they did anyway.. they did as if they were meant to be.. and the days following those, were like a dream.. a constant company.. no explanations to anyone.. no questions asked.. no answers sought.. no curious eyes following around.. it was as if the most natural and obvious things to be around..

or was it?

or was it only me that found all these a bit too "obvious" for the people around to be so oblivious to it?

dont get me wrong here.. im not opposing this (sic), per se.. im not avoiding it either.. i never avoided it even then.. never had any inclinations for that either.. but i cant halp but be sceptic.. cynical even, to some extent.. because, howsoever obvious it may be, howsoever natural-a-happening it may seem for others (concerned, or otherwise) around, it still scares me.. blame it on my scars from the previous rubbings.. sadly though, they had been far deeper than most.. and they dun heal.. at least, they havent yet.. not completely.. and thats where the cynicism creeps in.. thats where the being sceptic comes to the fore..

more than getting hurt (by someone's accord) or hurting myself(by being blindly foolish), im scared to hurt the good person that he is.. im pertrified to scar the nice person that he has been to me.. always and throughout.. till now.. i'm scared to lose a perfectly beautiful happy-place-moment of me.. 

or maybe i wont.. i wont really lose it at all.. maybe, im being really sceptic here.. stringent even, may be..

i know he is good.. he has been good.. ALWAYS.. even more that just good.. but is it too good to be true? and thats where i go back more steps than i can take forward.. im scared.. scared because i cant see what lies ahead..

and im scared to go down a path where i cant see where my next footing is going to be..

so she tells me, "you don't know.. you won't know, unless you take that step.. take a leap of faith.. you gotta have a little faith, baby..".

so, am i supposed to take that leap of faith?

can i believe that you'll be there to hold me when i fall, if i fall?

are you really meant for that leap of faith? 

can i even let myself go along with the flow of the "we"?

or will i be hurt again, such that i never get up ever?

so, tell me..

am I?

are You?

will You?

should WE?

I Don't Think I Love Very Many Things

I don't think I love very many things, but here are the one's that i can think of..

I love the first sip
of coffee in the morning

I love reading someone
else's words and finding
a connection in them

I love the feeling a
good song invokes

I love wondering

I love driving at night
with no destination

I love the gentle kind
of sadness like a reminder
that I can feel

koto din..

koto din bunny k niye shuini
koto din shuye shuye boi porini
koto din kichu karor jonne aakini
koto din karaoke session hoyeni
koto din bhalo chhobi tulini
koto din o'ke dekhini
koto din cinema dekhini
koto din ghumoini
koto din'black love'-er saathe ghurini
koto din douroini
koto din coffee khaini(!!?!!)
koto din ghaash kaatini
koto din kichhu-i korini..

shei..
oi r ki..
koto din..

#madness to all who knows what all the above 'REALLY" signify! :-p