*just a kiss*

lyin' here with You so close to me
its hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe
caught up in this moment
caught up in Your smile

I've never opened up to anyone
so hard to hold back when I'm holding You in my arms
we don't need to rush this
let's just take it slow

I know that if we give this a little time
it'll only bring us closer to the love we wanna find
it's never felt so real, no it's never felt so right

no I don't want to say goodnight
I know it's time to leave, but You'll be in my dreams
tonight

just a kiss on Your lips in the moonlight
just a touch of the fire burning so bright
no, I don't want to mess this thing up
I don't want to push too far
just a shot in the dark that You just might
be the one I've been waiting for my whole life
so baby, I'm alright, oh, let's do this right, with just a kiss goodnight.

:-D:-P

the once then painfully reticent and private person..
was first perceived as the otherwise back then..
it was then denied vehemently too..
going all extended extents at that..
the case adjourned..
awkwardness thinning out..
it was decided then to keep it at that..
to each his own..
but this couldn't have been for long and for forever..
and so the 'back then' comes to 'as now'..
laced with surprises and pleasant ones that too..
the pain in the then reticence long gone..
with the warmth in the charm new found..
the transit from then to the now fore..
coming to the then once pronounced terms now..
started with dangerously toeing the thin line..
flirting in the open with the brushes with the then and now privates..
so now as it stands..
the charm new found and mesmerising..
the now unabashed acknowledgments..
and all coupled with the then addictive and now more pronounced omnipresence..


p.s. and since when did You start needing 'invitation'? :-D :-P

japanese love/addiction

"huge sagging breasts, swollen legs, dried up neckline."

-----description of an aircraft!

khopche!

khopche..!
the mysticism of khopche..
both being the best and the worst..
and it both has its own charm..
i love the 'best' one..
and i "hate" when its worst..
'coz the best defines "us"..
and the worst doesn't define..
'coz the worst acts as if quarantined..
and the best is not really required to be defined..!
for, on any given day,
any place, with You and I, can be turned to a khopche..
the bottom line being thus--
all i really want is, at least, the electromagnetic waves to reach You, when i ain't there (with You) in (the same) khopche..

***gosh!! this is undoubtedly the worst of me! Lucifer save the poor souls..***

15th august..
people wishing Happy Independence Day..

i'm not a partake in these wishings..
how can you be 'independent'? when in diguise of 'celebrating' the 'independence day' in the society, you are literally compelled to come out at that prescribed hour? agreed, it is supposedly a national responsibility cadre issue.. but given everything, it should be in one's own discretion whether he wants to be a part of the celebrations downstairs.. if you are not allowed to take this simple decision 'independently', how can you say "happy independence day"?

no, i cant say.. i get a msg wishing me the same.. for courtesy's sake, i reply with a "wish you the same".. though, that is not heartfelt.. and i cant feign..

my independence day is yet to come.. so, until then, i continue to defy the 'customary norms'.. for me, today will be the day of learning expletives,(in the choicest of the dehati ghati language, to be used at my sweetest p.a.), day out with my girlfriend in shorts for the above mentioned expletives tutorial, not a single color of 'patriotism' on me, and then winding the day with a gala night out with a dearest girl-friend..

defying all customary societal norms, yes, that's my way of living today..

so yes, its a 'happy' day for me.. but no way an 'independence' day.. that is yet to come.

as i lay still, i know you are with me

it was a teary eyed goodbye.. i was fighting hard.. raging a lone battle against them.. lost bitterly in the end.. gosh! i never liked goodbyes.. and as i get older, these seem to magnify in their intensity of hurt-degree and pain and fear and all paranoia.. and today was no different.. avoiding all eye contact.. but it was that one last hug that did me in..
i knew since long enough of this day.. i knew since last week of the time.. and yet, i was restless.. yes.. i dun take goodbyes, easy.. especially with the one's who i get accustomed to.. saddened by the fact, that mornings will never be the same any more.. the 'home' will never be the way it was.. coz, starting tomorrow morning, it'll only be that big ugly lock on the door that will greet me.. the cold steel lock..
sitting alone after all the brouhaha.. and i wished, if only You were here..

and You did come.. and in Your special way, charmed me through.. sailed me along, at least for sometime.. i could come over it..
yes.. thats how we are.. and that has always how we have been.. all these times.. throughout..You and I..

one more reason

shoja plane uniform surface-er opor eo kikore jol jomte paare? well, apparently possible.. and sheta dekhar jonno you have to come and witness extended drizzle in this shithole of a place called Ahmedabad..

this place is so ill-equipped to deal with rains.. and im not even talking about the normal definition of rains.. even a lil bit of extended drizzle, the city is well enough paralysed.. and just not the infrastructure, even the people! and the 'people' includes the apparent and supposed vivacious gujju youth! bleh!!!! *fuck-all hypocrites and bunch of  show off liars.. bloody baboons even flaunting what they dun have..such is the audacity and the atrociousness..*

and it just gets worse.. they dun have normal rains.. i have to be content with the drizzle.. they dun hav guavas in the monsoons! fuck! they dun have 'monsoons' in the first place!! grapes available the whole year! bloody cows running and walking and sitting bang at the middle of the road! ppl with no fucking sense of the road! masala chewing and spitting--irrespective of the Audi n the BMWs.. sheesha neeche kia and ******!!! *disgust!*

gosh.. this is never ending.. even my ** cant make me love this place.. :(

connecting the dots

she was perturbed.. and unperturbed about the fact that she was perturbed.. maybe she knew the reason for her being perturbed.. for the first time till that instant of her life, she was retracing to all the words she once blew into the abyss of anonymity.. and she knew that instant, that maybe it wasnt lost in that anonymity at all.. because what she thought of being just a random sliver of thought, was infact turned out to be as not at all random.. and she knew where it all connected.. and she knew the connection.. she was amazed though.. amazed, that even back then, she chose to hold on to something she never had.. something she always thought that she had.. but never had it in actuality.. all she had then was that unknown and inexplicable understanding, feel, maybe faith even.. but that was all she had.. and funnily enough, not for even once, did she question them.. and today, when she went back to all those slivers waived into oblivion, she could draw out all the strings and attach it to perfect harmony.. maybe, for once in her life, she did chose The Right One..         and so, standing today, she knew, its yet again resonating--in the end, it doesnt even matter..-- but only a  different sort.. because, what matters is what she has.. what she got.. and nothing else matters..
and she was perturbed no more..period.

*..you are in my heart now..!*

we have many songs..
many songs we have conversed with..
many we have based our talks on..
many we have fooled around with..
many we even sung along together aloud..
many we have made each other to listen..
some we fell in love with..

but this one is truly "our" song.. it was "our" song from when it all started.. and so, its special.. it says "us"..
plus, its an all-time fav of mine..! :)

because You made my sanctum sanctorum "special"!

and the vivid memories of which are etched in deep engraves across my soul..
leaving behind a trail of marks of all the fantasies coming to the fore..
somehow the material things go back in time, possessing the greatest sense of fondness and amour..
as they truly were the only witness in that beautiful twilight of dusk..

as i sit and lean back to where You were, i cant help but transport back to that time in eternity..
wherein we were all but engulfed in a lull..
oblivious to the world outside, save for each other..

and with each day i realise it more..
embraced and wrapped in that distinct aura of Yours..
i walk with chin held high..
coz its with You, i have lived my life..
taken forever and given by will..

coz its You and i have loved You..


**love**

(of)strategies and (being)strategic!

she has a b**l.. it has been a few days now.. she still has the b**l..
the 'location' is specific.. the generic part of the location is---on the face..

here comes the specific part..!
over her lips!
more specific?
beneath the nose.. over the upper lip.. in that very position.. where its not annoying in everyday activities, yet it can make her scream and yelp in pain whenever it is subject to some absolute nonchalant and carefree 'touch-ups'..

a sign of past happenings(?) or a sign for future forbiddings(?)
nevertheless, it can still be concealed to the assuming eyes.. so she still chooses to live with it.. reminding her of the past happenings..! with the mischievous smile for the future forbiddings...!!

(of)some certain definite strategies and (being)strategic! 

food (?)

im not anorexic.. neither am i bulimic.. but all said, i do definitely suffer from some sort of eating/food disorder.. i dun even binge except for, well, you know abt those single digit days of the month.. but other than that, for some reasons, i just can never be pals with food..

breakfast doesnt exist in my life.. breaking fast is courtesy one mug of coffee, black, of course, and maybe a couple of creamcrackers.. yeah.. thats the staple.. which, of late, has been on the dwindling side, to the extent of me missing out on the 'breaking' fast.. so, most of the times, nowadays, the breaking of fast happens at 1100 hrs with the coffee, alright.. so, the lunch goes for a major toss.. maybe some tit bits.. nothing for the evening as im out.. and then something called a 'forced dinner'.. which probably is the only food for the day..

but, the occasional maggi, spaghetti, papad, and parle-g's do find their way towards me.. but for some reasons, my 'body', or whatever that is left of it, never seems to agree with it in a long run.. not to mention the  soyasticks and the nutrichoice multigrain thins and aliva..

so, apparently, what stands as of now, is, im practically surviving on bites of here n there.. and yeah, this aint a good thing apparently.. or so, the folks say..

p.s. but i do love rajma, chhole, frankfurters, popcorns, corns, muri.. and my body also finds a way with them..  but, where's the "will"? and so, there aint a "way".. ;) *hopeless*

ye tum vali feeling :)

yes.. sachi me tum vali feeling thi.. just the way it was supposed to be.. just the way i had always thought it to be.. just the way it always felt right..

and it did feel so right.. not a moment of awkwardness.. the touch.. the feel.. the soft brush.. the playful hits.. the sudden surprise 'slap'.. the embrace.. the hug.. and ****..

i must have done something really good to someone at some point of time.. this is the one thing, that never let me lose my faith on it, even for once.. at the max, it might hav dwindled, but it never gave way.. n that probably just says it all.. and probably even defines the most dreaded 'C'..

coz you have always been in that special place, where no one else can ever come!
Pseudo Alsi, forever! :)
*love*

"hum ek baar jeete hai, ek baar marte hai....aur pyar---pyar bhi ek hi baar hota hai..!"

no.. i am not watching this movie.. no.. i am not a shah rukh khan fan.. no.. i have not watched this movie in the last 10 years.. yet, as i am sitting on my chair, this very dialogue hits me from the blue.. inexplicably.. and even if i look closely into the above statement, the only part of concurrence is "---pyar bhi ek hi baar hota hai..!"

coz, for me, i hav already loved.. and i hav had "my" share of love.. there may be many people out there "loving" me for all i am worth.. but, none of them, now, really makes it as "my" share.. it holds true.. it happens just the once.. and for all the other times, its probably just for "love's sake"..

and its just not a good thing and a good way to realise.. makes you feel all the more disgusted with yourself.. it feels like you are tricking those unassuming people out there into loving you.. and its not right..

an evil bitch..yours truly.