broken glass

its clearly still not the time..
and that explains why i aint over you yet..
true.. i may have gone underground..
i might have not been speaking to you..
i have even stopped checking you on..
and i have been trying like never before to stop thinking about you..
trying my hardest and best not to look at the pictures..
pushing you as far back of my mind as possible..
but you are still the first thing i see..
cant get you off my mind..
coz you appear even behind my eyelids..
my thoughts wander over to you even without me knowing..
and the realisations thereof, are painful..
dreaming of you in the middle of the day..
missing you like hell, and the feeling just wont go away..
yearning for that touch and the feel against my body..
oh dear me, its worse than i'd ever expected..
true, you said, there aint no future..
but what do i do with the present that still exists?
i can deal with the non existant future..
but its the omnipresent present, thats killing me..
oh yes, im missing you today..
far greater than i can even say..
missing the way you lay beside me..
missing the way you always used to be..
clearly, it aint the time..
and i do take a pretty long time..
and i just wish you knew..
sometimes, you have to read me like 'you'..

this year!

This year, is gonna be incredible
This year, is gonna be the one
All the planets are lining up for me
This year, I'm gonna have fun

This year, I'll paint my masterpiece
This year, I'll be recognized
I can feel like I'll fall in love for real
This year, this year

This year, I'll reach the pinnacle
This year, I'll get to the top
People will ask where she get that energy
This year, I'm never gonna stop

I'm gonna have fun
Just watch me now!

*#♥things change♥#*

at 31 days to go, i used to think that it will be special because this time it will have the two of "US"..
at 30 days to go, i realised it can never be special for that.. it will be special this time 'coz ZooZoo will be 2 and Bunny will be 13..
at 29 days to go, i was asked what was all this about.. to which i couldnt give a proper answer..that's when i realised how fucked up i was within..
at 28 days to go, i was indifferent.. it became just a number..
at 27 days to go, i felt sad, as a sweetheart's face came popping up before me everytime i closed my eyes..
at 26 days to go, i had a tense start to the day.. but had a happy ending to the day.. was exhilarated when i got (finally) the long awaited ">hug<", that i was bereft of for the last 5 days, and for which i was yearning since the last 432000 moments.. and the priceless ":)"..
at 25 days to go, i was on a diet of muri n soyasticks the entire day and found some real wierd solace in the crunching of the muri and the strong crushing of the soyasticks, with my "Norwegian Wood" for company..
at 24 days to go, i realised that i can't live a day without talking to him..even if that means to wake up in the middle of the sleep just to say him "gnite".
at 23 days to go, i realised i have so many fuckin' awesome things to look forward to! *♥♥..to be continued.. :)*
at 22 days to go, i realised his indispensable presence to make me study..
at 21 days to go, i had the most bestest and the most awesomest ever start to the month..
at 20 days to go, i just couldn't wait for the evening to come..
at 19 days to go, i was glad.. ":)"
at 18 days to go, it was nothing special..
at 17 days to go, i was finally un-'marked'! *delighted!*
at 16 days to go, it was my p.a.'s day! :) *super-excited*
at 15 days to go, i got my very own "Exception".. *:mvah!*
at 14 days to go, i was again indifferent..
at 13 days to go, i completely forgot all about the countdown!
at 12 days to go, i was in the MirrorLand.. *♥*
at 11 days to go, "i like to move it,move it..i like to move it, move it..i like to move it, move it..ya like to move it..!"
at 10 days to go, i made my Mirror count it down.. :) *♥ sweet love ♥*
at 9 days to go, i got three pairs of coloured studs!! :) and a fabulous (eagerly waited upon) 13th!!*♥*
at 8 days to go, i had that unique feeling of being content! *yesh!*
at 7 days to go, i was like (#jaw dropping#), "whoa! down to 7 already?!"
at 6 days to go, i was hung up on #angreji beat# and my Jack turned "catty!" (*uugggghhhhhhh!*)
at 5 days to go, i got a haircut! *:-D*
at 4 days to go, i (wanted and) got the reassuring and comforting presence of my Mirror.. *♥*
at 3 days to go, i had the Ferrari Ki Sawari with Mirror, and for sometime, my belief of it being special this time 'coz it will be having the two of US, was strengthened.. courtesy the innumerably infinite plans for OUR D-Day!
at 2 days to go, the 'planning' per se, never ceased to end.. including what do we wear! ;)
at 1 day to go, the 'plan' suffered a huge setback.. we were sad.. and i got myself a timekeeper..
at the last day of the 23rd year, i was too excited to count down the final hours and see my Mirror *:)*


and yes, that makes it a complete U.. with my belief restored and my wish coming true..


things change(d)---for the best!

and of course, its special this time.. 'coz it has the two of US!

*love*

:P

lesson learnt for the day---

"nahana" and "pani ko chhu kar bahar aana" is all the same! :-P

disgusted

and that stupid arsehole of a nutcase has to put his big ugly smelly foot forward!

why does some people have to necessarily get themselves fuckin uselessly involved in stuffs which simply refuse to even incorporate them in any concievably unconcievable manner?!

bloody wannabes!

oh so 'swift'-ly!

• main pareshan pareshan pareshan pareshan..
• we found love in a hopeless place..
• where 'av you been all my life..
• tik tok..
• tumhi ho bandhu sakha tumhi..
• jhalla mera aashique jhalla wallah..

---all rise for a puh-fect gurl ride!!!!

*♥♥♥♥♥*

our memory

it was the first drops of the rain in the city.. first drops that can be safe enough to be called as "rains".. (yes, i live in a drought infected shit hole of a place)..
big dark clouds.. big drops of rain.. not a downpour.. not even a steady "rain" sorta rain.. it was something more like big drops drizzle.. and a steady drizzle.. enough to soak you if you stay out..

i was out.. on the streets.. on the highway.. having those big drops fall over me.. started with wierdly dispersed occasional splatters.. gave way to the continuous rhythmic drumming on my head and every other surface of my body.. sitting under the open sky, streets glimmering in the reflections of the neons, that earthy smell wafting through---and i was transported to a certain "fond" memory.. and during that time, even my "company" ceased to matter.. i was oblivious to it..

rewind back 5 years.. year 2007.. month of February.. yes, i was again living (then) in a shit hole of a place.. wintry evenings.. sudden greetings by dark clouds.. and the sudden downpour.. sitting in the canteen.. we just looked at each other.. and we never needed to "say" out anything.. and the next thing we knew, we were out of the canteen, holding hands and sprinting towards the "greens".. standing in the bang center of it, under the steady downpour.. it was just  us there, getting soaked to our skins.. and yes, it was beautiful..

fast forward 5 years to this day.. it is no longer "us".. different places, that is.. but still, it was the rain.. the first drops of it.. the standing under the vast open sky and getting soaked.. and you just appeared.. :)

i had to make you a part of it.. all that i could manage was "good memory".. (scared in anticipation)
and i get, "awesome memory"..

thats just the bestest greeting of my morning.. :) the "first" (again)..

the first drops----6.6.12.

devil's day..
first drops of the rain..
getting wet..

a different charm lies in that.. :)

p.a. :)

yesh i am happy..
for some strange reasons which aint strange any more..
waited for it.. and got it too..
it has always been just that one thing which never failed me..
yesh.. it was surreal.. it was nice..
because it was more than just the "voice"..
everything else cease to matter any more..
as i know you'll always be near..
for some reasons the distance doesnt matter..
as it never did in all these years..

and yes, i wont take much long..
i know you are yearning to have that 'heart'..
so, go ahead and make a mark..
and you know, i'll sing along..

happy vala budday to you, p.a. !!!

*hugs n kisses*
**love**

♥♥